Birbo jumped out of bed and ran into the dining room in his nightgown. It was empty, save for the marks of a hurried and sumptuous breakfast. The kitchen was filled with all kinds of greasy cutlery. Almost all of his pots and pans had been used. The cleaning work that followed was so tiring that he thought yesterday was a nightmare. However, when he realized that everyone had already left without him, he heaved a sigh of relief. (These guys didn't even say thank you!) he thought.) But in a certain corner of his heart, there seemed to be a sense of loss. This feeling surprised him.
"Don't be silly, Bilbo Baggins!”He muttered to himself,"You're already at this age. Why are you still fantasizing about evil dragons and distant adventures?!"”So he put on an apron, lit a fire, boiled water, and cleaned everything up. Then, before he walked into the dining room, he had a good breakfast in the kitchen. By the time he finished eating, the sun was already high up in the sky, and a warm spring breeze blew in through the open front door. Birbo began to whistle loudly, forgetting everything that had happened last night. In fact, when Gandalf walked in, he was sitting in the dining room, looking out the window, ready to eat a second exquisite breakfast.
" My dear friend," Gandalf said,""When are you leaving?‘How about we get up early tomorrow morning and leave?'You said that yesterday. Look at you, it's already 10:30, and you're still eating breakfast! Because they couldn't wait any longer, they left a note for you.”
"What note?" asked poor Mr. Baggins, his head spinning.
"Good heavens!" Gandalf said,"You're acting very strangely today-you didn't clean the fireplace!”
"What does this have to do with the note? Just cleaning the cutlery for fourteen people is enough to tire me out!”
"If you clean the fireplace, you'll find this under the clock on the shelf..." Gandalf handed Bilbo a note (on his own note, of course).
Thorin and the others greeted Bilbo the Snitch! We would like to express our sincere gratitude to you for your sincere hospitality, and we are also very honored to accept your professional assistance. The conditions were as follows: cash, no more than one-fourteenth of the net profit (if any), including all expenses on the journey. If things don't go as planned, we or our representatives will provide for the funeral expenses.
As we don't think we should disturb your important sleep, we've prepared everything for you in advance. We'll be waiting for you at the Green Dragon Inn near the waterway. Please arrive on time at eleven o'clock. We trust that you will be punctual.
Thy most faithful friend,
Thorin and his companions,
"You've only got ten minutes left," said Gandalf."You'll have to run."
"But-" said Bilbo.
"There's no time," said the wizard.
"But-" said Bilbo again.
"We don't have time to discuss that! Hurry up!"
Birbo had never been sure how he had accomplished this amazing feat. He was empty-handed. He didn't bring any money, hat, crutches, or anything he would usually bring when he went out. He hadn't even eaten his second breakfast, let alone washed the dishes. When he came back to himself, he found himself thrusting the key into Gandalf's hand, running as fast as he could on his furry feet, up the street, past the mill, over the river, and a full mile.
When the clock struck eleven, he finally arrived at Linshui Road breathlessly, only to find that he had forgotten to bring his handkerchief!
"I arrived in time!" Ba Lin, who was waiting for him at the entrance of the inn, shouted.
At the same time, the others all emerged from the village. They were all riding on ponies, each carrying a variety of luggage, backpacks, packages, and equipment. They were also leading a very short pony, obviously meant for Bilbo.
"The two of you, get on your horses quickly. We'll set off immediately!”Thorin said.
" I'm really sorry," said Birbo."But I forgot my hat, and I left my handkerchief at home, and I don't have a penny on me. In fact, to be precise, I didn't receive your message until 10:45.”
" Don't be so precise," Dwarin said."Don't worry, you don't need a handkerchief or many other things on this trip. As for the hat! I have an extra cloak and hood in my luggage.”
※※※
And so, on a cool morning before May, they set off. Birbo was riding on a pony carrying heavy luggage. He was wearing a dark green hood (a little worn) and a dark green cloak borrowed from Dwarin. These two clothes are too big. He looks really funny. I don't dare to imagine what his father, Brother Bang, would say if he saw him like this. The only thing he was proud of was that at least no one would mistake him for a dwarf, because he did not have a beard.
Not long after, they met Gandalf, who was riding a white horse in high spirits. He had brought a lot of handkerchief, and Bilbo's pipe and tobacco. Therefore, after that, everyone set off in satisfaction. They told stories and sang happily all day long. Only when they occasionally stopped to eat would they temporarily interrupt their excited conversation. Although he did not stop to eat as often as Birbo was used to, it was enough to fill his stomach, making him feel that the adventure was not that bad.
At first, they were still traveling on the land of the Hobbits. It was a beautiful green land with many honest people living there. The roads were very smooth, and there were a few inns along the way. Occasionally, they would encounter dwarves or farmers on the way. Then, the group arrived at the strange and mysterious area in people's minds. The dwarves sang songs that they had never heard before. They had already ventured deep into the wilderness. There were no residents or hotels here, and the road conditions were getting worse. Not far away, they could see gloomy hills stretching straight into the sky. They were covered with trees, and some of the hills even had the ruins of ancient castles that looked very evil, as if they had been built by evil people. Everything looked very gloomy, even the weather had become uncomfortable. Most of the time, it was like the good weather in May in fairy tales, but now it was slowly becoming wet and cold. Although they had to camp in the wilderness, at least the weather was not so humid.
" It's unpleasant to think that it's almost June," muttered Birbo, who was treading the muddy road with the others. It was past tea time, and it had been raining cats and dogs all day, his hat sticking to his eyes and his cloak soaking wet. The pony was very tired, and its footsteps were rather staggering. The others were unhappy and too lazy to talk. " I'm very sure that the rainwater must have seeped into our dry clothes and the bags we use to store our food,""Why would I want to get involved with a Snitch? How I wish I was still in my little hole, sitting by the fireplace and listening to the kettle bubbling!”This was not the last time he would make such a wish!
The dwarves continued to walk on without looking back, not paying any attention to the hobbit's muttering. The sun seemed to have set behind the gray clouds because the sky was starting to darken. The wind gradually became stronger. The willow trees by the river bent down and swayed, letting out a soft sigh. The unknown river, which had become a reddish-brown torrent because of the abundance of water in the past few days, rushed all the way from the mountains in front of them.
Soon, the sky was completely dark. The strong wind blew away the gray clouds, revealing a crescent moon hidden in the clouds. Then the group stopped, and Thorin murmured about dinner." How are we going to find a dry place to sleep?”
It was only then that they realized that Gandaph had disappeared. He had walked so far with them without saying a word that he was going on an adventure with them, or that he was only temporarily accompanying them. He had eaten the most, talked the most, and laughed the most, but he was nowhere to be seen!
"Just when we need a wizard the most…" Dori and Nori cried out. (They share the same views as the Hobbits on dining: Eat more.)
In the end, they decided to set up camp nearby. Up until now, they had not set up camp in the wild, but they had expected that they would have to set up camp often when they came to the uninhabited area before the Misty Mountains. However, it was not a good start to set up camp in such a wet and cold night. They came to the denser bushes. Although the ground was dry, the wind blew the water off the leaves. The dripping sound was the most annoying part. Even the fire seemed to be against them. The dwarves seemed to be able to use anything to start a fire, no matter where the wind was. However, that night, no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get it up. Even Ou Yin and Gloin, who were good at starting fires, were helpless.
Then, one of the ponies was suddenly startled for no reason and dashed out. Before anyone could stop it, it rushed into the river. Just as everyone pulled it out of the water, Philip and Kili almost drowned in the water, and the luggage that the pony carried was washed away by the water. The worst thing was that most of it was food. This time, they couldn't even eat anything for dinner, let alone breakfast!
They were all sitting on the ground, wet and angry. Ouyin and Gloin tried to start a fire again, but they started bickering again. Birbo was beginning to regret that the adventure had not been all a happy ride on a pony under the May sun. Ba Lin, who was always the scout, suddenly shouted,"There's light over there!" Not far away, there was a small hill covered with trees. It seemed that the trees were quite dense. In the darkness, they could clearly see a light shining. It was a red, warm light. It seemed to be a torch or a campfire burning vigorously.
They stared blankly for a moment before they started arguing again. Some people said " no," some people said " yes," and some people said they could just go and have a look. Anyway, it was better than eating a pitiful dinner, wearing wet clothes all night, and having to face almost nothing for breakfast.
" We know too little about this area," the others said." It's too close to the mountains. Travelers rarely take this route these days.
The ancient maps were no longer useful. The world had declined, and the roads had also been damaged. No one was protecting the safety of this area. They had never heard of anything like a king here. The less curious they were, the less trouble they would cause.”"We've got fourteen of us anyway," someone said.”"Where is Gandalf hiding?" asked another.”Everyone had the same question. Then, the rain became heavier and heavier, and Ouyin and Gloin began to fight each other.
This stopped everyone's debate. "Anyway, we've got a Snitch with us!”they said with relief. Therefore, they led the pony and carefully walked in the direction of the fire. They came to the foot of the mountain and walked into the forest. They climbed up the hill, but they could not find any traces of a road. There did not seem to be any houses or farms nearby. They made a lot of noise as they groped their way through the darkness. At the same time, they kept complaining.
Suddenly, a red light that was even more dazzling than before appeared in the forest not far away.
"Now it's our Snitch's turn," they said, referring to Bilbo. "You have to figure out what's going on with this light first and see if everything is safe.”Thorin said to the hobbit,"Hurry! If everything is alright, please come back quickly. If there are any problems, please try your best to come back. If you don't come back, hoot like a barn owl or a long owl, and we'll try to save you.”
Bilbo was wheeled out before he could explain how he could not tell the difference between a barn and a long owl. However, the Hobbits were born with the ability to move silently in the forest, so it was not difficult for him for the time being, and they were quite proud of it. Therefore, Birbo started his journey while muttering " these impatient dwarves ". Still, you and I would probably be oblivious if a whole squad of Hobbits passed us muttering like that. As for Birbo's footsteps towards the fire that day, even Squirrel probably wouldn't shake his beard. This was what he saw when he reached the campfire without disturbing anyone.
Three very tall humanoid creatures were sitting beside a large fire. They were roasting a leg of lamb with a very long wooden stick while licking the gravy in their hands. The taste was really mouth-watering. Moreover, there was a lot of good wine piled up beside them. These guys were bold enough to drink directly from the wine pot. The worst thing was that these guys were cannibals. Just from their appearance, it was obvious. Even the aloof Birbo could tell: From their big heads, their bodies, the shape of their legs, not to mention their language was not elegant at all. Really, it could not even be considered a civilization!
"Yesterday's leg of lamb, today's leg of lamb. Oh my god, I hope tomorrow doesn't look like a leg of lamb!”A cannibal woman said.
" I haven't eaten human flesh for a long time."What the hell is that William thinking? He brought us here to suffer. I don't understand. " Besides, there's not enough wine." He elbowed William, who was taking large gulps of wine.
William choked on his wine." Shut your f * cking mouth!”When he regained his breath, he immediately said,"Do you guys think that someone will stay here just to feed Li and Bo Te? Ever since we left the mountain, the two pig-headed Li's have already eaten up one and a half villages. What else did the Li Family want? We're already lucky enough, we should be saying 'Crumpy Lee Bill!'Help us get some fat goats." He took a bite of the freshly roasted goat leg and wiped his mouth with his sleeve.
Yes, generally speaking, cannibal women were like this, even those who only had one head. After hearing all this, Birbo should have done something immediately. He could have quietly gone back to warn his friends that there were three tall cannibal women here, and they were in a bad mood. They might not mind roasting dwarves or ponies for a change of taste. Or he could at least do something a Snitch would do, a real, top-notch Snitch would try to steal something from a cannibal maiden, which would always pay you handsomely if you could. You could take the leg of lamb from the fire and push away the beer barrel in front of them, and these slow idiots might not even notice you. As for the more practical cat burglars who did not care about professional dignity, they would stab each of the three cannibal women before the other party was alerted, and then everyone could spend the night happily.
Birbo knew. He had read many stories, and the plots and actions in them were things that he had never done or seen in his life. He felt very worried, a terrible feeling in his heart, he wished he was hundreds of miles away, but, but for some reason, he felt he could not go back to his companions empty-handed. So he hesitated for a moment in the shadows. In all the stories he had heard, taking something from the pockets of cannibals seemed to be the simplest job of a Snitch; Therefore, he quietly sneaked to the tree behind William.
Bert and Tom walked to the wine barrel. William was drinking another bottle of wine. Birbo mustered up his courage and put his small hand into William's oversized pocket. There was indeed a wallet inside, as big as a backpack for Birbo. "Hah!" Just when he thought he was familiar with the job, he carefully took out his wallet and thought,""This is only the beginning!"
This was indeed just the beginning! The cannibal woman's wallet was hiding some tricks, and this was no exception. "Uh, who are you?" As soon as the wallet left his pocket, he asked automatically. William immediately turned around and grabbed Birbo's neck before he could hide behind a tree.
"Holy shit, Burt, look what I got!”William said.
"What is this?" Another person rushed over and asked.
"Idiot, how would I know! What is Li?"
"Bilbo Baggins, I'm a fly-er-hobbit," said poor Bilbo, trembling, his little head turning wildly in the hope of figuring out how to hoot like an owl before he was strangled to death.
"A non-hungry hobbit?" they said in surprise. The cannibal females were slow to react. Anything new would arouse great suspicion.
"Whatever, what does a Ferocious Hobbit have to do with my pocket?”William asked.
"Can Li cook them?" said Tom.
"Li can try!" Bert said eagerly as he picked up the pot.
" He's not even enough to fill the gaps between his teeth."When the time comes, the skin will be peeled off and the bones removed. The meat might only be enough to fill the gaps between the teeth.”
"Perhaps there are other companions nearby. We can use them as a show!”said Bert. "Hey, Li Li still has companions running around in the forest? He was looking at the hobbit's furry feet as he lifted him upside down.
" Yes, there are many more," said Birbo before he remembered that he should not betray his friend. "No, no, not a single one!”He immediately added.
"What does Li mean?" Bert grabbed his hair this time and asked.
"What I just said was-" Birbo said, breathing heavily."Good sir, please don't cook me! I'm a good chef myself. The dishes I cook are much better than mine. I can cook a great meal for you, a great breakfast, as long as you don't treat me as dinner!”
" Poor little guy," William said. His stomach was about to burst, and he had drunk a lot of beer. "Poor little thing! Let him go!"
"No," said Bert,"we have to figure out what he said just now, a lot, and then nothing. I don't want my throat to be slit in my sleep! Push his toes into the fire and see if he will talk or not!”
"I won't allow you to do that!" "I caught him," said William.”
" William, you're a fat fool," Bert said."I said this before today.”
"You're an idiot!"
"You have no right to talk about me like that, Bill Huggins!”Bert punched William in the eye.
Then, it became a chaotic battle. Bilbo, with the last of his wits, dodged the two fellows 'large feet as Bert threw him to the ground; Then, they started biting each other like wild dogs and began to curse each other with all kinds of lively vulgarities. Very soon, they hugged each other, kicked and fought, and almost rolled into the fire. Tom, on the other hand, launched a flurry of club attacks, hoping that the two would calm down. Of course, this move was useless, and they became even more furious.
Birbo actually had enough time to leave, but his poor little feet were squeezed by Bert's big hands until they were blocked. His chest was so tense that he could not breathe, and his mind was in a mess. Therefore, he hid in a place where the fire could not reach and panted.
Amidst the chaos, Ba Lin rushed over. The dwarves had heard the argument from a distance, and after waiting for a while, hoping that Birbo would return or hoot, they began to quietly approach one by one. When Tom saw Ba Lin walk into the fire, he immediately let out a shrill cry! Cannibal women hated dwarves (especially when they were undercooked). Bert and Bill immediately stopped fighting and shouted,"Tom, hurry up and get a bag!"”Before Ba Lin could figure out what was going on, he was wrapped in a bag and pushed to the ground.
" Looks like there will be more," Tom said."Otherwise, I'm mistaken. So this means that there are many and none.”He said,"It's not the non-hungry hobbits, but a lot of dwarves. As expected!"
" I think you're right," Bert said."We'd better hide where the fire can't reach.”
And so they did. The three cannibal women were holding bags that were originally used to store mutton and other treasures as they waited patiently in the shadows. When every dwarf walked over and saw the fire, the overturned wine jug, and the chewed lamb leg, they would be covered by a smelly bag and fall to the ground with a bang. Soon, Devarin was lying next to Balin. Philip and Kili were in the same bag. Dori, Nori, and Oli were in a pile. Auyin, Gloin, Biff, Boffo, and Pombo were thrown beside the campfire.
"This should teach them a lesson!”said Tom, because Beaufort and Pombo had given them a lot of trouble; They were like ordinary dwarves who were trapped in a desperate situation, trying their best to resist.
Thorin was the last to arrive, and he was not as careless as the previous victims. He had expected danger when he came. He didn't need to see his friend's foot sticking out of the bag to know that something was wrong. He stood in the shadows not far away." What's going on? Who put my people in a bag?”
"It's a cannibal!" Birbo shouted from behind the tree. Everyone had already forgotten about the existence of this little fellow. "They're hiding behind a tree with bags!”he said.
"Oh! Is that so?" Before the cannibal woman could move, Thorin had already leaped to the campfire. He picked up a burning firewood and began to wave it around. Bert was poked in the eye and could not stand up for the time being. Birbo did his part too. He grabbed Tom's stump-like foot, but Tom was kicking the ashes of the campfire at Thorin, and when he lost his balance and fell, he kicked Birbo up into the treetops.
Tom's teeth were also hit because of this, and one of his front teeth fell out. This guy let out an earth-shattering scream. However, at that moment, William pounced from behind and stuffed Thorin from head to toe in a bag. The battle ended just like that. These dwarves were packed into bags and piled up by the campfire. Three angry cannibal women (two of them had burns or wounds where their front teeth had fallen off, reminding them of their hatred) sat beside them, arguing about how to deal with them. Should they be roasted alive, chopped up and slowly stewed, or crushed into meat paste one by one? Birbo, on the other hand, was hiding in the bushes in tatters. He was still in shock and did not dare to move recklessly, afraid that he would be seen by them.
Gandalf had just returned, but no one noticed him. The cannibal woman had just reached a conclusion. She would roast the dwarves first and eat them later. This was Bert's idea, and after some argument, they all agreed.
"There's no use roasting them now, it'll take all night," said a voice that Bert thought belonged to William.
"Bill, stop arguing," he said."Otherwise, it will take another whole night.”
"W-who's quarreling?" William thought that it was Bert who had spoken.
"It's you," said Bert.
" You're lying," William said, and the argument started all over again. In the end, they decided to chop these dwarves up and cook them slowly over a warm fire. Therefore, they took a black pot and pulled out their knives to get to work.
"Why did you cook them! We don't have water, so we have to walk far to find water.”said a voice. Bert and William thought it was Tom's voice.
"Shut up!" They said," Otherwise, we won't be able to eat for the rest of our lives. If Li continued to talk nonsense, he would go and get the water himself.”
"The Lis are the ones who shut up!" Tom thought it was William's voice. "Who else is quarreling besides you?”
" You fool," William said.
"Li Cai is a fool!" said Tom.
Thus, they started arguing from the beginning again. This time, it was much more intense than before. Finally, they all agreed to take turns sitting on the bag, squashing them one by one, and cooking them next time.
"Who should we sit on first?”the voice said.
"Better sit on the last guy first," said Bert, whose eye had just been hurt by Thorin. He thought it was Tom.
"Don't talk to yourself, okay?" Tom said,"If you want to crush the last one, go ahead.”
"The guy in the yellow socks," said Bert.
" Nonsense, it's that guy in the gray socks," a voice that sounded like William said.
"I'm sure it's yellow," said Bert.
" Yes, it's yellow," William said.
"Then what the hell did Li say about grey?”said Bert.
"I didn't say that, Tom did.”
"I didn't!" "It's you," said Tom.
"Two votes to one. Shut your stinky mouth!”said Bert.
"Who are you talking to?" William asked.
"Shut up!" Tom and Bert said together,"It's almost daylight, it'll be dawn soon, let's hurry!”
"Dawn will devour everyone and turn them into rocks!”said a voice that sounded like William's, but it was not William's, because at that moment the sun was shining over the hill and there was a loud chirping in the treetops. William did not have the chance to speak again because he had turned into a rock while maintaining his bent posture. Tom and Bert looked at him without moving. Until today, these three cannibal women were still alone there, with only birds occasionally building nests on their heads. Because, you know, if the cannibals don't hide in the caves or underground at dawn, they will be turned into the raw materials they were originally made of-rocks, which is what happened to Bert, Tom, and William.
"Excellent!" Gandalf came out from behind the tree and helped Birbo climb out of the thorn bushes. At this moment, Birbo understood that it was the voice of this Magus that caused the cannibals to quarrel with each other, and in the end, the sunlight shone on them.
The second thing to do was to open the sack and release all the dwarves. They almost suffocated, and their tempers were quite hot. They didn't like lying there and listening to the cannibal women discussing how to cook them, crush them, or chop them up. They forced Birbo to explain the situation twice before they felt slightly satisfied.
" I really shouldn't be practicing touching other people's things at this time," Pang Bo said."All we want is a campfire and food!”
" No matter what, they won't give you these two things," Gandalf said." You are wasting time now. Don't you think that these cannibals must have a cave nearby or a hole dug out so that they can hide from the sun? We must take a look!"
They searched the surroundings and quickly found the footprints of these cannibal women leading to the forest. They followed the footprints and climbed up the mountain. Finally, they found a huge stone door leading to a cave between the trees. Even though they all pushed with all their strength and Gandalf chanted all kinds of spells beside them, it was useless.
"Can this be of use?" When they were tired and angry, Birbo asked,"I found this in the place where the cannibal women fought.”He took out a large key. However, William must have thought that this key was very small and difficult to find because he did not even know that the key had fallen out of his pocket. This must have fallen out before he turned into stone.
"Why didn't you say so earlier?" They shouted in unison. Gandaph took the key and inserted it into the keyhole. The stone door opened with a push and everyone swarmed in. There were many white bones on the floor, and there was a rotten smell in the air. There was a lot of food on the floor and shelves, and there were also a lot of plundered property, from brass buttons to jars filled with gold coins. There were also many clothes hanging on the wall. It was obvious that they were too small for the cannibal women. Most of them belonged to the victims. Among the clothes, there were swords and sabers of various shapes and size. Two of them were particularly attractive because they had beautiful scabbards and hilts inlaid with gems.
Gandalf and Thorin each took one, while Birbo found a small knife with a leather sheath. To cannibals, this was probably just a fingernail knife, but to Hobbits, it was enough to be used as a short sword.
" This looks like a pretty good weapon." The wizard pulled out his sword and looked at it curiously."This isn't something that cannibal women make, nor is it something that the humans in this area can make. Later, we can read the runes on it in detail under the sun. We should be able to know more about their origins.”
"Let's quickly think of a way to avoid this stench!”Philip said. Therefore, they moved out the jar containing the gold coins and also searched for the food that had not been ruined. There was only one barrel of beer left. By the time they thought it was time for breakfast, everyone was already starving and could not care less about the stench. Their rations were already too little for everyone to share, but now they had unexpectedly obtained bread and cheese, a large barrel of ale, and ham to roast in the embers of the campfire.
After eating and drinking, they had a comfortable sleep to replenish the energy they had consumed the night before. No one woke up before the afternoon. Then they pulled the ponies and carried the jars of gold coins to the river, where they buried them very secretly and protected them with many spells, hoping that they would return one day to retrieve the treasure. After everything was done, they all mounted their horses and continued to head east.
"May I ask where you went before?”Thorin asked Gandalf as he rode on.
" Go ahead and scout," he said.
"Why did you come back just when we almost lost our lives?”
" I came back to inquire about it," he said.
"You're too clear!" " But can you be more specific?" Thorin asked.”
"I'm going ahead to scout the path, because the road ahead will soon become dangerous and difficult to walk on. I'm also worried that the supplies we brought are too little, not enough for us to eat and drink. Fortunately, I didn't go far before I met a few friends from Rivendell.”
"Where is that?" Birbo asked.
"Don't interrupt!" Gandalf said,"If we go well, we'll be there in a few days, and you'll know. What I said before was that I met two citizens of Elrond. They were in a hurry, worried that the cannibal women would come out and cause trouble. They told me that three cannibal women had run down the mountain and settled down in the forest not far from the main road. They had scared away almost all the people in this area. Moreover, they would attack unfamiliar travelers. I immediately realized that I had to come back immediately. I turned around and found that there was a flame not far away, so I rushed over. You will know what happened next. Please be more careful next time, or we won't be able to go anywhere!”
"Thank you!" Thorin said.
This book comes from：m.funovel.com。