It was just as Bunce had said, and Harry and Ron hardly smiled the next day. Things had gone downhill since breakfast in the Great Hall. Under the enchanted ceiling (which was overcast today), the long tables of the four Houses were filled with bowls of porridge, plates of pickled herring, mountains of bread, and plates of eggs and bacon. Bunce and the others had just sat down at the Gryffindor table, next to Hermione, whose copy of Boat Travels with Vampires lay open on top of a milk jug. She just casually said "good morning" and continued to read the book. Neville Longbottom, however, greeted them cheerfully. Neville was an accident-prone, round-faced boy, and Bunce had never seen anyone with a worse memory.
"The postman will be here soon-I think Granny's going to send me a few things I've forgotten.”
Bangs had just started his porridge when he heard a commotion overhead. A hundred owls swarmed in and circled the Hall, dropping letters and packages into the conversing crowd. A large, bulging bundle fell onto Neville's head, and then a large, dusty object fell into Hermione's jug. Instantly, milk and feathers flew everywhere.
"Errol!" Ron shouted, pulling the wet owl out with his paw. Errol was slumped on the table, his legs dangling in the air, a wet red envelope in his mouth.
"Oh no-" squeaked Ron.
"It's okay. It's still alive." said Hermione, prodding Errol lightly with her fingertip.
"No-it's that,"
Ron pointed at the red envelope. The envelope looked ordinary, but Bunce knew it was a Howler.
"What's wrong?" asked Harry.
"She-Mum sent me a Howler.”said Ron weakly.
"You'd better open it, Ron," Neville whispered shyly."It's worse not to. Granny sent me one once, but I ignored it, and-"he drew in a breath-" it was horrible.”
"What's a Howler?" asked Harry.
But Ron was so focused on the letter that the corners of the envelope were already smoking.
"Open it," Neville urged."We've only got a few minutes."
Ron reached out with a trembling hand, carefully took the envelope out of Errol's mouth, and tore it open. Bunce and Neville put their fingers in their ears. The loud noise filled the entire auditorium and shook the dust off the ceiling.
"I wouldn't be surprised if they fired you for stealing a car. You probably never thought about how your father and I felt when we found out that the car was gone."
It was Mrs. Weasley's voice, a hundred times louder than usual, rattling plates and spoons on the table and echoing deafeningly from the stone walls. Everyone in the Great Hall turned to see who had received the Howler. Ron was huddled in his chair, all that could be seen was his red forehead.
"Your father almost died of shame when he got Dumbledore's letter last night. We've worked so hard to bring you up and you've done this, you and Harry almost lost your lives, look at Bunce, you should learn from him."
Bangs heard his name and tried to pretend that he had not heard the sound of his eardrums, burying his head in his porridge.
"This is too infuriating. Your father will be investigated at the unit. This is all your fault. If you don't follow the rules, we'll bring you back immediately!”
The roar stopped, but his ears were still buzzing. The red envelope that had fallen from Ron's hand burst into flames and curled into ashes. Harry and Ron, the two clowns, sat as though they had just been washed over by the tide. A few of them laughed, and their voices gradually rang out again.
Hermione closed Boat Travels with Vampires and looked down at Ron's head.
"You didn't expect it to be anything else, Ron, you know-"
"Don't tell me I deserved it, I know I should've listened to Bunce.”said Ron crossly.
Bangs had just wiped his mouth with a napkin when he saw Professor McGonagall walking around the Gryffindor table handing out schedules. Bunce had his schedule and knew without looking at it that Herbalism was the first lesson, and that he had to take it with the Hufflepuffs.
Bunce, Harry, Ron, and Hermione left the castle together and walked across the vegetable patch toward the greenhouse, where magical plants were growing.
As they approached the greenhouse, they saw the rest of the class standing outside, waiting for Professor Sprout. Bangs and the others had barely joined in when they saw Professor Sprout striding across the lawn, Gilderoy 8226 at his side; Lockhart. Professor Sprout's hands were heavily bandaged, and Bunce noticed that several of the Whomping Willow's branches were hanging in bandages.
Professor Sprout was a squat witch with a patched hat over her flowing hair and clothes that were always stained with dirt. Gilderoy Lockhart, however, was immaculate from head to toe, dressed in flowing turquoise robes and wearing a dark green hat with gold trim neatly over his shining blond hair.
"Oh, hello!" Lockhart called cheerfully to the students."Just showed Professor Sprout how to treat a Whomping Willow! But I don't want you to think that I'm better than her in herbology! I just happened to see a few of these strange plants on my trip."
"We're going to the third greenhouse today!" said Professor Sprout, looking distinctly pleased, rather than her usual cheerful self.
The students discussed in low voices with great interest. They had only been in the first greenhouse-the plants in the third greenhouse were more interesting and dangerous. Professor Sprout took a large key from his belt and opened the door. Bunce followed them inside, but Harry was stopped by Lockhart.
"Harry! I've been meaning to talk to you-Professor Sprout, you won't mind if he's two minutes late, will you?”
Judging from Professor Sprout's face, she did. But Lockhart said,"That's great.”He closed the door of the greenhouse.
"Now, we're waiting for a student. You can familiarize yourself with the environment, but don't touch anything.”said Professor Sprout.
Harry had just pushed open the door when Professor Sprout said,"Well, we're repotted the Mandrakes today. Now, who can tell me what the Mandrake has?”
Hermione was the first to raise her hand, as expected.
"Mandrake, or Mandrake root, is a powerful restorative," said Hermione very naturally, as though she had swallowed a textbook."It's used to restore a transformed or cursed person to their original state.”
"Very good. Ten points for Gryffindor.”said Professor Sprout."Mandrake is an important part of most antidotes. But it's also dangerous. Can someone tell me why?”
Hermione's hand shot up again, almost knocking Harry's eye out.
"It kills to hear the cry of the Mandrake.”she blurted out.
" Absolutely correct. Add another ten points." said Professor Sprout."Look, everyone, our Mandrakes are still young.”
She pointed at a row of deep basins. Everyone leaned forward, wanting to see more clearly. There were about a hundred green and purple seedlings lined up there.
"Everyone take a pair of earmuffs." said Professor Sprout.
"When I tell you to put on your earmuffs, make sure you keep them shut tight," said Professor Sprout."I'll give you two thumbs up when it's safe to take them off. Okay-put on the earmuffs."
Bang Si quickly did as he was told, and all the noise outside was gone. Professor Sprout put on a pair of pink fluffy earmuffs, rolled up her sleeves, seized a clump of grass, and pulled it up with all her might.
What was pulled out from the soil was not a root, but a very ugly baby with leaves growing on its head. Its skin was light green with spots on it. This little fellow was clearly shouting at the top of his lungs.
Professor Sprout pulled out a large flowerpot from under the table, stuffed the Mandrake doll inside, and buried it in damp, dark-colored composts until only the clumps of leaves were visible. She patted the mud off her hands, gave them two thumbs up, and took off her earmuffs.
"Our Mandrakes are still young, and it won't kill you to hear them cry.”she said calmly."But they'll knock you out for a few hours, and I don't think any of you want to miss the first day of school, so make sure you put on your earmuffs when you're working. When it's time to pack, I'll try to get your attention.”
"Four to a pot-there's plenty of pots here-the manure's in that bag over there-watch out for the poisonous tentacles, they're teething.”
She slapped a spiky crimson plant, causing it to retract its tentacles that were creeping up on her shoulder.
They put on their earmuffs again and concentrated on the Mandrake. Professor Sprout had looked particularly relaxed, but that wasn't the case at all. The Mandrake did not want to be pulled out of the ground, but it did not seem to want to go back either. They twisted their bodies, kicked their feet, waved their sharp little fists, and gritted their teeth. It took Bunce and the others more than ten minutes to stuff a particularly fat doll into the basin.
When they got off the bus, Bangs was sweating like the other students. His back was sore and his body was covered in mud. They walked wearily back to the castle for a shower, and then the Gryffindors hurried off to Transfiguration.
Professor McGonagall's lessons were always difficult, and today was particularly difficult. The teacher had asked them to turn a beetle into a button, but Bunce had killed it, and Ron, who had had worse luck, borrowed some magicite to mend his broken wand, but it did not seem to be mending, and was now and then crackling and sparking. Every time Ron tried to transform the beetle, a cloud of gray, rotting egg-smelling smoke surrounded him. He couldn't see clearly, and squashed the beetle with his elbow, so he had to ask for another one like Bunce. Professor McGonagall wasn't too happy.
At the sound of the lunch bell, everyone left except Bunce, Harry, and Ron. Ron was tapping his wand furiously on the table.
"Idiot, useless thing!"
"Write home and ask for another one." suggested Harry, as the wand began to make a series of crackling sounds like firecrackers.
"Yeah, another Howler," said Ron, stuffing his wand into his bag."It's your own fault your wand broke-"
Ron was still in a bad mood when they went off to lunch in the Great Hall, where Hermione showed them a beautiful button she had made out of a beetle.
"What classes do you have in the afternoon?" Harry changed the subject quickly.
"Defense Against the Dark Arts," said Hermione at once.
"Well," said Ron, seizing her schedule, in surprise,"why'd you circle Lockhart's classes with your heart?”
"Because of Lockhart's face," Bangs said as he nibbled on his bread.
Hermione snatched the schedule back, her face red with annoyance.
After they finished eating, they walked into the courtyard that was shrouded in darkness. Hermione sat down and buried herself in Boat Travels with Vampires again. Bunce was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, and Harry and Ron were standing there talking about Quidditch. A very small gray-haired boy was holding what looked like an ordinary Muggle camera. Harry glanced at him, and the boy's face went red.
"Hello, Harry? I'm-I'm Colin Creevey.”he said, breathing heavily. He timidly took a step forward. "I'm in Gryffindor too. Do you think-could I-I could take a picture of you?”He raised his camera with a hopeful look on his face.
"Take photos?" said Harry blankly.
"This way, I can prove that I saw you.”said Colin eagerly, taking a few more steps forward." I know everything about you. Everybody tells me. How you escaped You-Know-Who, how he disappeared, and so on. You still have a lightning scar on your forehead.”"A boy in my dorm said that if I used the right developer, the people in the pictures would move.”Colin took a deep breath, trembling with excitement."Interesting, isn't it? I had no idea that the strange things I could do were magic until I got the Hogwarts letter. My father is a milk delivery man, he can't believe it either. So I'm going to take a bunch of photos and send them to him. If only I had a picture of you "-he looked pleadingly at Harry"-perhaps I could stand next to you and ask your friend to press it? Then, can you sign your name?”
"An autographed photo? You're sending signed photographs, Potter?"
Draco Malfoy's loud, sharp voice echoed around the yard. He stopped behind Colin, flanked by his two big, fiendish buddies. Crabbe and Goyle. At Hogwarts, these two were always at his side like bodyguards.
"Everyone, line up!" Malfoy shouted at the crowd."Harry Potter's going to send out autographed pictures!”
"I didn't." said Harry angrily, clenching his fists.”
"You're jealous." squeaked Colin, his whole body no thicker than Crabbe's neck.
"Jealous?" said Malfoy. I don't want an ugly scar on my head, thank you. I don't think having your head cut open makes you that special, I don't believe it!”
"Looks like I went easy on you at the bookstore last time, Malfoy.”said Bunce, putting a hand on Malfoy's shoulder.
"What?" Malfoy turned around in horror and took a few steps back, clutching his bleeding nose. Crabbe and Goyle were greeting Bunce when Harry and Ron joined them. Hermione closed Boat Travel with Vampires and whispered,"Stop fighting."
After a flurry of punches and kicks, Malfoy and the other two managed to escape with their injuries, and Harry and Ron thanked Bunce.
"Thank you so much, Bangs, for standing up for me every time.”said Harry apologetically.
"It's nothing. I don't like him either.”Bangs said with a smile.
"You're good at fighting, Bunce.”said Ron.
"You call this amazing? I'm just bullying a child." Bance said.
"Your eyes are a little puffy, Bunce.”said Hermione.
"It's nothing. I'll apply the medicine when I get back to the dormitory.”Bangs waved his hand.
"I'm sorry, Harry," Colin said.
"Nothing? Do you still want the photos?" asked Harry.
"Are you willing to give me your autograph?" Colin called out.
"What happened? Who's giving out autographs?" Gilderoy Lockhart strode toward them, his turquoise robes billowing behind him. We meet again, Harry!"
"Come on, Mr. Creevey," said Lockhart, beaming at him."A couple. It's a good deal. We'll sign it for you."”
Colin picked up his camera clumsily and pressed the shutter as the afternoon bell rang.
"Let's go to class." said Lockhart, and he led Harry toward the castle.
Bunce had just sat down next to Harry when he heard Ron say,"You've got egg on your face, Harry, you better pray Creevey doesn't meet Ginny, they'll probably start a Harry Potter fan club.”
"Nonsense, Ron," said Harry quickly.
Lockhart cleared his throat loudly when the class was in place to quiet them down. He reached out and held Neville Longbottom's Walking with Trolls in his hand, displaying a winking picture of himself on the cover.
"Me," he said, pointing at his own picture and blinking back,"Gilderoy Lockhart, Third Class Medal of Merlin, Honorary Member of the Anti-Dark Magic League, five-time winner of the Wizarding Weekly Charming Smile Award-but I don't talk about it, I didn't get rid of the Vallen by smiling.
He waited for them to laugh, and a few of them smiled faintly.
"I see you've all bought my entire collection-very well. I think we should do a little test today. Don't be afraid-it's to see how you read and how much you understand."
After handing out the papers, he returned to the podium and said,"I'll give you thirty minutes. Now-begin!"
Bangs looked at the paper and read,
1. What was Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?
2. What was Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?
3. What do you think Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement so far has been?
And so on and so forth, three whole sheets of paper, the last question was:
54. When was Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday? What was his ideal birthday present?
Half an hour later, Lockhart collected the papers and began to read them in front of the class. "Almost no one remembers that lilac is my favorite color. I mentioned it in 'A Year with the Tibetan Thunder'. A few of you will want to read Wandering with Werewolves again-I made it clear in Chapter 12 that my ideal birthday present is for all magical and non-magical people to live in harmony-but I won't refuse a large bottle of Ogden's Old Fire! And who is this--Bunce Foley, what a character, all don't know, what a character.”
He gave them another mischievous wink; Ron was now looking at him distrustfully, and Hermione was complaining that Bunce really didn't buy a Lockhart book.
"But Miss Hermione Granger knows that my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil, and to sell my own line of hair lotions-good girl! As a matter of fact "-he turned her paper over-" a hundred! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?”
Hermione held up a trembling hand.
"Excellent!" said Lockhart, smiling. Ten points for Gryffindor! Now, back to business."
He bent down and took out a large cage covered with cloth from behind the podium and placed it on the table.
"Now-be careful! My mission is to teach you to resist the most evil thing the Wizarding world has ever known! You will face the most horrible things in this classroom. But remember, as long as I'm here, you won't be hurt. I only ask that you remain calm."
"I'll have to ask you not to scream," said Lockhart in a hushed voice."It'll enrage them!”
The class held their breath as Lockhart pulled off his blindfold.
"Yes," he said, acting."A Cornish elf we've just caught.”
Seamus Finnigan couldn't help but snort, and even Lockhart couldn't have mistaken it for a scream of horror.
"What's wrong?" he asked Seamus, smiling.
"They're not-they're not very-dangerous, are they?”Seamus was gasping for breath with laughter.
"Don't be so sure!" said Lockhart, wagging a finger at him angrily."They could be little saboteurs as cunning as the devil!”
They were livid, about eight inches tall, with pointy little faces and voices so shrill they sounded like budgies squabbling. As soon as the covers were removed, they began to chirp, jump up and down, shake the bars, and make all sorts of strange faces at the people nearby.
"All right," said Lockhart loudly."Let's see how you deal with them.”He opened the cage door.
It was a complete mess, and the elf was flying around like a rocket. Two of them grabbed Neville by the ears and lifted him up. A few of them rushed out of the window and scattered broken glass in the back row of the classroom. The rest wreaked havoc in the classroom, more powerful than a rampaging rhinoceros. They grabbed ink bottles and splashed them all over the class, tore books washi to shreds, tore down pictures from the walls, turned trash cans upside down, and threw bags and textbooks out of broken windows. A few minutes later, half the class had ducked under their desks and Neville was swinging from the chandelier.
"Come on, round them up, round them up, they're just little elves," Lockhart shouted.
He rolled up his sleeves, waved his wand, and roared,"Pecchipixie Pestnomi!”
To no avail; an elf seized Lockhart's wand and threw it out of the window as well. Lockhart gasped and ducked under the podium table, narrowly missing Neville's headbutt, for the chandelier dropped almost in the same second.
The bell rang and everyone ran out the door. In the relative silence that followed, Lockhart straightened up, saw Bunce, Harry, Ron, and Hermione already at the door, and said,"Ah, I'd like you to take the rest of them back to their cages.”He hurried out of the classroom ahead of them, closing the door behind him.
"Can you trust him?" yelled Ron, as an elf bit his ear.
"He just wanted to give us a little practice," said Hermione, who had cleverly frozen the two elves with a Freeze Charm and stuffed them back into their cage.
"Practice?" Harry asked."Hermione, he doesn't know what he's doing.”
"Nonsense," said Hermione."You've all read his books-think of all the amazing things he's done."
"Face it, Hermione, he's nothing but a lousy liar.”said Bunce lazily, stunning the elf with his wand.
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