Harry Potter and the False Prophet
43 Moody

The legend

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The next morning the storm died down, though the ceiling of the Great Hall was still covered with dark clouds. While Bunce, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were eating, Harry's Hedwig delivered a letter from Sirius:

Dear Harry,

I wish you all the best, I'm helping Dumbledore at the moment, so I can't go to school myself, I've already told Dumbledore about the scar, and he said to go to him if it hurts again. Alright, that's it. Take care of yourself.

Love your godfather, Sirius

"He's working for Dumbledore?" said Ron, brandishing his fork.

"It seems so." said Harry.

"Harry, I can't believe you didn't tell us about the scar.”said Hermione sullenly."When did it hurt?”

"Oh, I forgot, Bunce asked me, I didn't really care.”said Harry apologetically.

"But he wasn't there, was he? That mysterious person? I mean-he was at Hogwarts last time your scar hurt, wasn't he?”said Ron, looking a little frightened.

"I knew he wasn't in Privet Drive," said Harry,"but I saw him in my dream, him and Peter-Wormtail, you know. I can't remember the entire situation in the dream. I only remember that they were plotting to kill someone.”

"It's just a dream," said Ron soothingly."It's just a nightmare.”

"Yes, even though it was just a dream. Weird, isn't it? My scar hurt, and three days later the Death Eaters marched, and Voldemort's symbol reappeared in the air.”said Harry, looking up at the cloud-covered ceiling.

"Don't-say-his-name!”Ron hissed through gritted teeth.

"I hope this is just a dream!" said Hermione anxiously, eating her buttered bread.

"Ah, I noticed that you've started eating again.”Bance said.

"Oh, I've figured it out. There's a better way to take a stand on elf rights.”said Hermione haughtily.

"Yes, yes, I think you're starving too.”Bangs said with a smile.

"What classes are there today?" said Harry, sipping his milk.

"Let's see-Herbalism, with the Hufflepuffs, Care of Magical Creatures, bad luck, with Slytherin again," said Ron."Afternoon-two Divination sessions.”

"Divination class!" sighed Harry.

"Why don't you give up the class like me?”said Hermione briskly."Then you could take a more learned course, like Arithmetic or Divination?”

"Forget it." said Harry.

After breakfast, they set off for the Herbal Medicine class in the third greenhouse. She followed the class across the damp vegetable patch to greenhouse three, where she saw Professor Sprout showing the class a plant. Bunce had never seen anything so ugly before; in fact, they did not look like plants, but more like giant, black, slimy slugs, sticking straight out of the soil. Moreover, they were all squirming slightly. There were many shiny bulges on their bodies that seemed to be filled with liquid.

"Barbotubers." Professor Sprout told them cheerfully."You'll have to squeeze it with your hands, you'll have to collect the pus-"

"What?" said Seamus Finnigan in disgust.

" Pus, Finnigan, pus," said Professor Sprout." It's very valuable. Don't waste it. Listen, you're going to collect the pus in these bottles. Put on your dragon-skin gloves. The undiluted Barbotuber pus will cause unusual damage to the skin.”

The process of squeezing the tubers was disgusting, but it also produced a strange sense of satisfaction. Every time one of the bulges burst, a thick, yellowish-green liquid would spray out, along with a pungent smell of gasoline. They collected the liquid in bottles as Professor Sprout had instructed, and by the end of the lesson they had collected several bottles.

"Madam Pomfrey will be pleased.”Professor Sprout stoppered the last bottle and said,"Pus from the Barbotubers is the best cure for stubborn acne. This would prevent students from using extreme methods to remove their pimples.”

"Like poor Eloise Midgen," whispered Hannah Abbott, a Hufflepuff student."She's trying to get her pimples out with a spell.”

"Silly girl," said Professor Sprout, shaking his head,"but Madam Pomfrey put her nose back on in the end.”

A deep, deep bell rang from the castle across the damp grounds. Class was dismissed and the students dispersed. The Hufflepuffs went up the stone steps for Transfiguration. The Gryffindors went in the other direction, along the slowly descending lawn toward Hagrid's cabin at the edge of the forest.

Hagrid was standing outside the cabin door, one hand around the collar of his enormous hound, Fang. There were several open wooden boxes on the ground at his feet. Fang was whining and struggling with the collar, apparently trying to investigate the contents of the boxes. As they drew closer, they heard a strange clicking sound, interrupted by a faint explosion.

"Good morning!" said Hagrid, smiling at Bunce, Harry, Ron, and Hermione."Better wait for the Slytherins, they won't want to miss this-skrewts!”

"Say it again?" said Ron.

Hagrid pointed at the trunk at his feet.

"Disgusting!" Lavender Brown screamed and jumped backward.

" Disgusting." The word summed up Bangs 'impression of the skrewts. They looked like deformed, shelled lobsters, gray, slimy, and terrible, with many legs sticking out of the ground and no heads visible. There were about a hundred of them in each box, each about six inches long, and they were crawling on top of each other, knocking themselves against the walls in a daze. They also gave off a very strong smell of rotten fish and shrimp. Every now and then, sparks would fly from the end of a skrewts, and with a soft pop, the skrewts would advance a few inches.

"Just hatched," said Hagrid proudly."You can raise them yourselves! We can do a big project!"

"Why do we have to raise them?”A cold voice said.

The Slytherins had arrived. It was Draco-8226 who had spoken; Malfoy. Crabbe and Goyle giggled approvingly at his words.

Hagrid looked stumped by the question.

"I mean, what can they do?”asked Malfoy.”

Hagrid's mouth fell open, as though he were trying to think. After a few seconds 'pause, he said gruffly,"That's next lesson, Malfoy. Just feed them today. Now, you're going to try feeding them a few different things-I've never had them before, so I'm not sure what they like-I've got ant eggs, frog liver, and turquoise snakes-try a little of each and see if they'll eat it.”

"First the pus from the tubers, and now this.”muttered Seamus.

Instead of luring the skrewts with frog livers like Harry and the others, Bunce stood there and watched, and Hagrid looked slightly displeased, but did not say so.

"Ouch!" About ten minutes later, Dean Thomas screamed.”

Hagrid hurried to his side, looking a little flustered.

"Its tail exploded!" said Dean angrily, showing Hagrid a small burn on his hand.

"Ah, yes, that's what can happen when they explode.”said Hagrid, nodding.

"Disgusting!" Lavender Brown grumbled again."Disgusting, Hagrid, what's that pointy thing on him?”

"Ah, some of them have thorns," said Hagrid excitedly (Lavender pulled her hand back from the trunk)."I think the ones with thorns are the males and females with suckers on their bellies. I think they suck blood.”

" Oh, of course I understand why we have to find a way to keep them alive," Malfoy said sarcastically." Who wouldn't want a pet that can burn, sting, and bite?”

"They may not look good, but that doesn't mean they're useless.”Hermione retorted."Dragon's blood has magical powers, but would you want a dragon as a pet, eh?”

Bunce, Harry, Ron, and Hagrid all laughed.

"Well, at least these skrewts are small.”said Ron as they returned to the castle for lunch an hour later.

"They're still very small," said Hermione angrily,"but once Hagrid figures out what they eat, I reckon they'll be six feet long in no time.”

"But if it turns out they can cure seasickness or something, it'll be all right, won't it?”said Ron, smirking.

"You know very well that I only said that to shut Malfoy up.”said Hermione."Actually, I think he's right. The wisest course of action would be to nip the skrewts in the bud before they attack us.”

They sat down at the Gryffindor table and began to eat steak and potatoes. Harry and Ron both looked at her in amazement as Hermione wolfed down her food.

"Oh-that's your new stance on elf rights?”said Ron."Do you want to puke?”

"No," said Hermione, her mouth stuffed with mashed potatoes, but she said haughtily,"I just wanted to go to the library.”

"What?" said Ron incredulously."Hermione-it's the first day of school! There's more than just homework!"

Hermione shrugged her shoulders and continued to eat as though she had been starving for days. Then, she jumped up and said,""See you at dinner!" He ran away.

"Pass me that jar of jam, Harry.”Bance said.

"Oh, okay." said Harry, coming back to his senses as he watched Hermione's receding figure.

The bell rang for afternoon lessons, and Bunce, Harry, and Ron headed for the north tower, where a silver stepladder led to a trapdoor in the ceiling at the top of a very narrow spiral building where Professor Trelawney lived.

When they reached the top of the stepladder, the familiar sweet smell of the fire assailed their nostrils. Nothing had changed, the curtains were still drawn, and the circular room was illuminated by many lamps covered with shawls and shawls, giving the room a hazy red glow. Bunce, Harry, and Ron made their way through the room's jumble of calico chairs and futons and sat down at the small round table that had once been there.

"Hello." said Professor Trelawney's ethereal voice suddenly behind Bunce.

Professor Trelawney was a very thin woman wearing enormous spectacles that made her eyes look frighteningly large in her thin face.

Professor Trelawney drifted past them and sat down in a large winged armchair in front of the fire, facing the class. Lavender Brown and Parvati; Patil was a great admirer of Professor Trelawney, and they were all sitting very close to her on the futon.

"Honey, we should study the stars.”said Professor Trelawney."The movement of the stars, and the mysterious signs they show, can only be understood by those who know the rules of the dance of the sky. The fate of mankind can be deciphered by the radiant light of the planet, and these lights mingle with each other."

"Harry!" Bance said.

"Wake up, Harry!" Ron whispered.

"What's wrong?" asked Harry.

The whole class looked at Harry, who was fast asleep.

"My dear, I was just saying that when you were born, you were clearly affected by the pattern.”said Professor Trelawney disapprovingly, because the people at Bunce's table were not attending her lessons at all, especially Harry.

"I'm sorry, what did you get-?”asked Harry.

"Saturn, my dear, Saturn!" said Professor Trelawney angrily."I was just saying that Saturn must have dominated the sky the moment you were born-your black hair, your thin frame, and the fact that you lost your parents when you were a baby-I can say for sure, my dear, that you were born in winter?”

"No," said Harry."My birthday's in July.”

Bunce laughed, and Professor Trelawney, looking embarrassed, walked away without a word.

Half an hour later, Professor Trelawney handed each of them a complicated circular chart, on which they were to fill in the positions of the planets at the time of their birth. This was a tedious job, requiring a lot of tedious calculations of time and angles.

"I've got two Neptune here," said Harry, frowning at the parchment after a while."This can't be right, can it?”

"Aha," said Ron, mimicking Professor Trelawney's low, mysterious voice,"when two Neptune appear in the sky, it's a sure sign that a little bespectacled person is coming, Harry."

Seamus and Dean, who were drawing, giggled at this, though not enough to drown Lavender's excited shrieks-"Oh, Professor, look! I have a planet whose position is not accurate! Why, what star is this, Professor?”

"It's Uranus, my dear," said Professor Trelawney, looking down at the chart.

Professor Trelawney said sharply at the end of the lesson."A detailed analysis of the movements of the planets which will affect you next month, with reference to your respective charts, must be handed in next Monday without any excuse!”

"Bother old bats," said Ron bitterly as they joined the crowd downstairs and headed back to the Great Hall for dinner."We're going to lose the whole weekend, it's-"

"It's fine as long as you don't write." Bance said.

"How could you not finish your homework, Bunce?”said Hermione, catching up with them from behind.

"Because there's no need." Bance said.

"That's just an excuse." said Hermione.

"A lot of homework!" said Ron.

"Look-Professor Victor didn't leave any homework!”said Hermione happily.

" Sigh, Professor Victor is so nice." said Harry heavily.

They reached the entrance hall, which was packed with people waiting in line to eat. Just as they stood at the end of the line, an ear-piercing voice suddenly sounded from behind.

"Weasley! Hey, Weasley!"

Bunce, Harry, Ron, and Hermione turned to look. Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle were standing there, excited as hell.

"What?" said Ron crossly.

"Your dad's in the papers, Weasley!”said Malfoy, brandishing a copy of the Daily Prophet and speaking so loudly that everyone in the crowded hall could hear him.”

The Ministry of Magic is in trouble again

It looks like the Ministry's troubles aren't over yet, writes Rita Skeeter, our special reporter. The Ministry of Magic has recently been criticized for its failure to maintain order at the Quidditch World Cup, and for its failure to explain the disappearance of one of its Wizarding officials. Yesterday, the Ministry was thrown into a new awkward position by the bizarre behaviour of Arnold Weasley of the Misuse of Magic Artifacts Department.

Malfoy looked up.

"Think about it, Weasley, they didn't even get your father's name right. He's a nobody, isn't he?”He gloated loudly.

Everyone in the hall was listening to him now. Malfoy raised the newspaper as though he were putting on a show and continued,

Arnold Weasley, who was accused of possessing a flying car two years ago, was embroiled yesterday in a dispute with several Muggle enforcers ("cops") over a large number of aggressive dustbin collections. Mr. Weasley appeared to have come to the aid of Mad-Eye Moody, who had been an Auror. Mad-Eye retired from the Ministry when he could no longer tell the difference between an ordinary handshake and attempted murder. Sure enough, when Mr. Weasley arrived at Mr. Moody's heavily guarded house, he found that Mr. Moody had again given a false alarm. Mr. Weasley had to alter the memories of several officers to get away from them. But Mr. Weasley refused to answer when asked by the Daily Prophet why he had dragged the Ministry into this pointless and potentially troublesome affair.

"There's another picture, Weasley!”said Malfoy, turning the newspaper over and holding it up high."A picture of your parents, standing in front of your house-and you call that a house! If your mother could lose a bit of weight, she'd look okay, wouldn't she?”

Ron was shaking with rage. Everyone in the hall was looking at him.

"Get lost, Malfoy," said Harry."Don't be angry, Ron."

"Oh yes, Potter, you've been staying with them this summer, haven't you?”Marl said sarcastically," Then please tell me, is his mother really that fat, or is the photo a little distorted?”

"And your mother, Malfoy?”said Harry."Look at the look on her face, she looks like she's got shit under her nose! Is she always like that, or is it because she's with you?”

Marr's pale face turned slightly red.

"How dare you insult my mother, Potter.”

"Then shut your fat mouth." said Harry, turning around.

Bang!

Bunce pulled Harry low to avoid a flash of red. A loud bang was heard! Bang! Then a roar echoed through the hall.

"Oh, don't do that, boy!"

Bunce and Harry got to their feet and turned to see Professor Moody limping down the marble staircase. He was pointing his wand at a white ferret, which was shivering on the flagstone floor where Malfoy had been standing.

There was an eerie silence in the hall.

"Did he hurt you?" snapped Moody, his voice low and hoarse.

"No, it was dodged." said Harry.

"Don't touch it!" shouted Moody.

"Don't touch-what?" said Harry, baffled.

"Not you-him!" roared Moody again, pointing his thumb over his shoulder at Crabbe, who was about to pick up the ferret but was too scared to move. Moody's magical eye was rolling.

Moody started limping toward Crabbe, Goyle, and the ferret, which gave a frightened squeak and ducked, running toward the dungeons.

"I don't believe this!" roared Moody, pointing his wand again at the ferret, which soared ten feet into the air, hit the ground with a thud, then soared back up again.

"I don't like people who attack people from behind," said Moody gruffly, as the ferret leapt higher and higher, squealing in pain."It's the dirtiest, meanest thing you can do. It's what cowards do."

The ferret leapt into the air, its legs and tail flailing wildly in despair.

"Don't-ever-do-that-again," said Moody, bursting out a word every time the ferret dropped onto the stone floor and bounced up again.

"Professor Moody!" a surprised voice said.

Professor McGonagall was coming down the marble staircase with a pile of books in her arms.

"Hello, Professor McGonagall," said Moody calmly, making the ferret jump even higher.

"What-what are you doing?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"Teach him a lesson." said Moody.

"A lesson-why, Moody, was that a student?”cried Professor McGonagall, her books spilling onto the floor.

"That's right." said Moody.

"Good heavens!" cried Professor McGonagall, hurrying down the stairs and pulling out her wand. A moment later, with a loud crack, Draco Malfoy was back to normal. He was curled up on the stone floor, his slippery blonde hair falling over his now dazzling red face. After a while, he stood up, trembling.

"Moody, we never use transformation as punishment!”said Professor McGonagall weakly."Surely Professor Dumbledore told you?”

"He might have mentioned it," said Moody carelessly,"but I thought it needed a good scare-"

"We can get detention, Moody! Or report it to the dean of the school where the person concerned was.”

"I will do that." said Moody, glaring at Malfoy with great disgust.

Malfoy, whose pale eyes were still weeping with pain and shame, looked up maliciously at Moody and muttered something, several of which were clearly "my dad."

"Oh, really?" Moody limped forward a few steps, the thudding of his wooden leg echoing in the hall."Yes, I knew your father before, boy. You tell him Moody's keeping a close eye on his son.”

"Yes." said Malfoy resentfully.

"An old friend too," snarled Moody."I've been looking forward to a good chat with my old friend Snape. Come on, boy."

he said, seizing Malfoy by the arm and dragging him toward the dungeons.

Professor McGonagall watched them anxiously after them for a moment before she pointed her wand at the fallen books, causing them to rise into the air and return to her arms.

"Don't talk to me." Ron whispered. They were seated at the Gryffindor table a few minutes later, and everyone around them was talking excitedly about what had just happened.

"Why?" asked Hermione curiously.

"Because I'd like to remember it forever," said Ron, his eyes closed and his face beaming with delight."Draco Malfoy, the unusual jumping ferret."

"But he might have really hurt Malfoy," said Hermione."Fortunately, even if Professor McGonagall stopped it-"

"What do you care if Malfoy lives or dies?”Bangs said as he ate the beef.

"Yeah, I don't know what you were thinking. Have you forgotten how he called you a Mudblood last year?”said Ron angrily.

Hermione grunted impatiently and began to eat at the same ravenous pace.

"You're not going to the library again tonight, are you?”Harry asked, looking at her.

"Of course," said Hermione in a muffled voice, her mouth stuffed."There's a lot of work to do.”

"But you told us, Professor Victor-"

"It's not school work." she said. Five minutes later, she finished eating and left in a hurry. She had barely left when Fred took her seat.

"Moody!" He said,"He's cool, isn't he?"”

"It's not just cool!" George said as he sat down opposite Bons.

"Cool!" The twins 'friend, Lee Jordan, was sitting next to George."We had his lesson this afternoon.”he said.

"How was it?" said Harry eagerly.

Fred, George, and Lee exchanged meaningful looks.

"I've never had a class like this before." said Fred.

"He really knows, mate." Li said.

"What do you know?" asked Ron, leaning forward.

"You know what it's like to work outside.”George said solemnly.

"What kind of work?" asked Harry.

"Fighting the Dark Arts," said Fred.

"He has seen everything." said George.

"Is there a need to be so exaggerated?" Bance said.

" This is not an exaggeration. It's the truth." said Fred.

"He knows a lot, man.”said George.

"Truly amazing." Li said.

Ron was rummaging through his bag for his timetable.

"We don't have him until Thursday!”he said in a disappointed tone.

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