[Page 20]2010, 11, 24, 6:35，
After the joyous New Year's Day of 1956, with the arrival of the climax of the private industry and commerce and the cooperation of the handicraft industry in the whole country, the good days of the Huang family's "being an individual boss" were also concluded. Xingzhong's father's [Fresh Dumpling Noodle Restaurant] no longer existed, and the abnormal love between him and Bai Yu was intermittently presented to the readers...
That was when Xingzhong and Bai Yu met again in the summer of 1960. After the two "toured" from the steel factory where Li Ying worked and returned to their respective units, Bai Yu sent the last "love letter" to Xingzhong from the provincial forest school chemical factory. It was also a specially drafted registered letter. Her letter was written like this.
I love: Please allow me to call you that for the last time!
No matter how sorrowful I was, when Liying climbed up and found a factory's deputy director as her fiancé, we parted on bad terms after ignoring you this time.）But I still praise your wit with a smile from the happy year of 1956 to this day, and your speechless reply is beyond the imagination of any man. That was good too! Someone once said that love without a happy ending was the most beautiful in memory. Then let me keep that embarrassing and unforgettable scene of the game under the bed in the attic for the rest of my life! Also, when I accompanied you to visit Liying in the summer of 1960, your warm words and comfort to me on the way to the train are the only and most beautiful memories of my life!
Ambition is empty talk. I don't blame anyone except for my own "destiny". The "separation" and "union" between men and women are in principle attributed to the word "fate". You and I have been growing up for more than 20 years. Since we lack fate, even if I sacrifice my reputation for you, I will die in vain. I remember when we were just a few years old. On the Pagoda Mountain not far from your house's entrance, I spread my legs and sat on the stone stairs leading to the pagoda. When I used the way of blocking you from going over to play, you would learn to be bad and use one hand to caress my lower body until it was itchy. I only let you go when it was unbearable! "Now, you and I have both stepped into society and become adults. We are working in state-owned enterprises in two different places. Although I have been married and divorced, I have always been in unrequited love with you. Please forgive my straightforwardness.
Now, I've thought about it again and again. You're a kind man and can't bear to let others down. In this situation, only I can make my stance clear so that you can be at ease and fall in love with Li Ying again, and walk the path you want. My dear, today I quietly retreated from your side, there is no hatred in my heart; To be honest, it's not that I haven't hated you, from school to work, from neighbors to other places, but the moment I hated you, I suppressed it again because I've experienced it before. Love is not taking, but giving; It wasn't possession, but sacrifice. If one could be open-minded in everything, one's state of mind would naturally become open-minded.
Thank you for mentioning the number 100 Hero pen and notebook I gave you. Sigh! I've lost everything (including the child), what's a gold pen and notebook? If you don't mind but can't bear to use it, I'll keep it with you as a pitiful souvenir! As for Hu Liying, I can only envy her luck. After abandoning you and her classmates, she managed to hook up with their deputy director! Please give my last regards to her (laboratory trainee) when you have the chance to see her at [Province of Steel]. There are also other students who study or work at your place, such as Zhugan, Teacher Xiao Wang, etc. I'll thank you for your help to greet them! Enclosed please find all your letters. It is fortunate that you had the foresight to oppose the engagement, and now there is no need to make any other declaration!
School is about to start tomorrow. Finally, with tears in my eyes, when I bid farewell to you, I have some private thoughts that I need to let you know again: That is, no matter how my environment changes in the future, my love for you will never change. The big door of emotions will always be open to you. Similarly, no matter when, where, or anything, as long as you call me, I will immediately come to work for you-because I will never forget the history of the " hiding under the bed game " in 1956...
--Classmate Han Baiyu, Sorrow Grass, August 30, 1960
This letter was one of the shortest letters Bai Yu had written to Xing Zhong, but her heart was more powerful and measured than a thousand words. Gradually, when Xingzhong finished reading the letter in a factory dormitory with two people living together, his vision blurred, and a small tear fell on the letter. Then he leaned on the table and wept while his colleague was still in the dormitory.
Xingzhong had been sad for a long time, and he had also cried secretly. Until the end, he had not systematically figured out the direct and real reason for his tears. People's sadness often intensified from the heart. In recent months, he had been nervously hostile to Bai Yu, fearing that she would have some "side issues"-she might not let him go easily-because he had already possessed her, and it was such a ugly scene (even when they had sex, they did not close the door and were found by their mother)! Now, because of the contents of this registered letter and the timely arrival of the letter, it proved that he did not want to do what he did not want, and at the same time, he was not bound-it was Bai Yu's tolerance and generosity that made him understand and deeply moved Xingzhong! It was true. When he lost her, he suddenly felt a kind of love that did not contain love.
As a result, he even reevaluated her value. She was originally an insignificant character in his eyes. Now, compared to her, he realized how despicable he was. Bai Yu's kindness and love turned her ordinary into great, and her supreme humanity carried forward the dazzling brilliance!
Xingzhong's heart was a little regretful (in love, he shouldn't have ignored Bai Yu's face in front of Li Ying). In any case, giving up on her was an immeasurable loss to him. Only when he thought of Li Ying did he gradually feel relieved. In a person's life, there shouldn't be two people of the opposite sex that he likes at the same time. Just as Bai Yu said when she rose to a higher level of thought,"Love is sacrifice!”Then he would sacrifice himself for Li Ying! One day, when Liying recognized his value, she might use all her love to make it up to him.
As he thought about it, his heart felt more or less comforted, and he gradually entered a good state to restrain his sadness.
After saving the hundreds of love letters, he planned to find a time in the factory to tell the news to "Zhugan" who was nicknamed Classmate-because they had graduated from primary school to junior high school and returned to the small school-run factory under the provincial Forest Department-but he should naturally let Liying know! [Page 21]
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