I simply couldn't stand it. In the next few days, no teacher asked me why I used my orange leg to hit the " marshal ". They only gave me cold looks. No one explained to me why the school didn't expel me, this " barbaric " fellow. No one advised me what I should have done if I hadn't been angry in that situation.
Did I do anything wrong? Where was the "logic" behind the orange leg "slashing" the marshal? I asked myself not just once, but a hundred times. I was a child, and he was not an adult. He was only one year older than me. If I forgave my barbaric behavior as a child, why couldn't I give up my anger towards him as a child?
I was trapped in the distress of not being able to find reason. I'm sure that my furious and reckless way of handling things was wrong, but what better way could there be? Of course, if we were to talk about this matter 50 years later, a friend would say," It's all in the past. It's all in the past. Why do you have to remember it? You're so petty." However, wasn't life carved step by step from childhood? Wasn't it the bits and pieces of childhood that shaped the personality and life ending of adulthood?
If he were to make a move now, Han Xin should have stood up from the ground, patted the dust off his butt, straightened his clothes, raised his hand to tidy his hair (although he had a crew cut, he should at least do this position), raised the corner of his eye, glanced at the "commander" contemptuously, and then waved his hand (wearing a vest, no sleeves, only waving his hand) away. Wouldn't that be the best way to leave the "commander" and his buddies there? The best performance design was to add a sentence,"Remember, see you in 30 years!”(Thirty years later, I really became the second-highest official in the field department and became the superior of the "marshal." This was a story for the future.)
It wasn't easy to achieve the best plan, but could he still choose the middle plan? Enduring the pain, he got up from the ground and said in a self-deprecating manner,"Damn it, I rolled on the ground in my dream, haha…" I didn't lose my face, but I didn't hurt the harmony between me and the 'marshal' brothers.(Twenty years later, the 'marshal' also took the initiative to express goodwill to me many times, but this was also something that would happen in the future.)
If even the middle plan was difficult and could not be done, could there still be a lower plan? Get up and cry and report to the teacher (this is also what the teacher advocates the most). It's also a good time to give these guys a pair of shoes to wear? (Thirty years later, the teacher who called me barbaric at that time became my subordinate's subordinate, which will be discussed later.)
Sigh, when I picked it up, I was really too reckless, too barbaric, and too careless. I could have used this to make the whole class look at me in a different light, but the effect was reversed. However, history could not be reversed and repeated again. It could only become a big regret in life!
I don't know if it's because I'm really ugly, or because I'm angry about the "handsome" thing, but there's a female classmate in my class (I need to use an analogy for her impression in my heart: She was a swan, and I was the type that relied on toads. The difference was that I never wanted to eat the flesh of this swan. She actually humiliated me in front of the whole class.
It had been some time since the unpleasant incident with the marshal. Today, she was on duty.(She had good grades and was a junior class supervisor) She collected the exercise book and walked to my seat. When I handed her the exercise book, I nodded and smiled at her as usual to show my gratitude for her service to the students. She took the exercise book and patted it on the table. It wasn't heavy, but the students 'eyes were still fixed on her. I only heard her (some gritted her teeth, at least that's what I felt) slowly say,"A fake smile, pretending to be human and dog. Just looking at you makes me sick!”，Although the volume wasn't loud, every word was clearly spat out from the lips of the young girl who had the right thickness and could be described as beautiful. Her tone vividly showed that her hatred and disgust for me came from her bones.
Blood once again rushed to the top of my head, and my eyes were about to turn red. This was not the anger and heroic feeling of being thrown off the table and about to fight someone. Instead, it was like a dog that had been hit in the head by a heavy hammer. The blood of humiliation was about to burst out from my eyes. The skin of my dignity was instantly pierced through by a beautiful female student with a "sharp blade" spat out from her mouth.
I was already too ashamed to face her. I trembled and lowered my head. In front of her, I had lost the chance to fight fairly. I couldn't grab anything to defeat her. She didn't have any martial arts. She only used neutral Chinese characters and her inexplicable hatred for me to create a poisonous sound wave that only absorbed me. It reached my eardrums through the air medium and caused my nerves and will to collapse.
She won easily. Her face was filled with satisfaction as she walked to the table behind her with a cold smile. I had never been disrespectful to a female student. Where did her hatred for me come from?
Against my will, I stopped smiling at all the female students in the class. When I saw them, I began to become indifferent. Their beauty in my eyes slowly disappeared. Their smiles and graceful figures were like the illusions of various snakes by the river.
I no longer had the courage to raise my head in front of my female classmates. Every time I wanted to raise my head to look at them, I seemed to hear the disdainful voice of " Go away, I feel nauseous when I see you ". I even began to deny my appearance that was born from my parents. Mother's skin was fair, but I was as black as father. Mother's eyes were big, but my eyes were only a little bigger than father's small eyes. In addition to malnutrition, my face was like yellow wax. According to father, I was like a coffin. Could it be that I really felt nauseous when I saw you?
Fortunately, his nose was still presentable. His nose bridge was straight, resembling both his father and his mother. Both of them had a nose that could be put on display. When Mother talked about his father's appearance, she would always say," Your father is just alright. He has a presentable nose." When Mother talked about his ears, she said," His ears look bad. He's thin, small, and doesn't have a birthday." However, my ears also resembled his father's. I started to blame my father for being ugly. He was really like what others said about "poor looks", causing us to be cursed by our female classmates in school. Fortunately, my father's 1.6-meter-tall genes have not been passed down to me. I am like my mother, and my height will not lose to other students. Could this be included in the list of " I feel nauseous just by looking at you "?
I affirmed and denied myself again and again, trying to regain my personality and confidence. Whether my appearance would be regarded as boorish by the people of Zhou, I couldn't be sure, but I can say for sure that my appearance was definitely not the kind of face that both men and women liked as described in some literary works. But was it the kind that would make people, especially girls, hate it at first sight? It didn't seem like it. It was because the secretary in the copper mine was the most beautiful female secretary in the world that I had ever seen. She also said that we brothers were not bad looking. Did that female secretary lie to please us kids? It didn't seem like it. The natural smile on her face when she said this and the friendliness in her voice all showed that she was speaking the truth. The female secretary's beauty was incomparable to any female student in the class. Since she said that our looks were " not bad," why would I be afraid that the female students in the class would " vomit "? Then let them throw up. However, when I really entered the classroom, I still lacked the courage to raise my head in front of the female students.
Do they really understand my character? Are you so sure that you've already seen the depths of my soul and made them feel nauseous when they see my appearance? Now, not only did they have to bear the oppression and pain brought about by their family's poverty and lowly status, but they also had to bear the doubts and belittlement of their morals. I had no chance to explain to my classmates and teachers that our family was just as kind and upright.
When our family was tortured by hunger and could hardly survive, my father still had compassion for the other poor people in that difficult situation.
That year (1962), the copper mine built several rows of brick houses on the hillside. There were more than 20 families living in this row of dormitories. Half of them were the families of the middle-level officials of the mine, and the other half were ordinary workers. My family also lived in the easternmost dormitory. The small road from the main road of the mining department to this row of dormitories passed by my house.
It was lunchtime in the summer. A group of people walked along the path, carrying tattered bags. A man and a woman were leading four children. It was obvious at a glance that this was a family who had escaped from famine. It was similar to the scene when Mother took the four of us from Physician Village and escaped here.
The group of people went up the slope and came to the top of the house. They sat down on the ground and did not move. Perhaps they planned to rest for a while. At this time, a woman in her forties among the two adults came to my door with a broken bowl. Her dirty clothes had long been soaked in sweat. Her hair stuck to one side of her face. Because she was sweating a lot, her face had been soaked white by sweat. Her lips seemed to be cracked, and some dry skin curled up and stuck to it. It was summer, and there was a stream flowing by the hillside. Her lips should not be dry because of thirst. It might be caused by anxiety or she might be sick. Her eyes stared at her feet and then looked up at my house. Her eyes were full of panic and uncertainty. She did not open her mouth to beg for food. She just stood at the door. We haven't started eating yet. The whole family is waiting for Dad to come back from work.
Her mother took her bowl, opened the pot, and scooped a bowl of porridge with pumpkin and sweet potato leaves for her. She handed it back to her. She carefully took the bowl and said a few thanks in a low voice. It sounded like she had an anhui accent. After a while, she came back with an empty porcelain teapot. However, this time, she didn't go to our house. She went to the west side of the row of houses.
At this time, he saw his father walking home along the small road. He had already seen the group of people fleeing from famine at the top of the mountain. As soon as he entered the house, he asked his mother," There are so many people sitting next to you. Are they beggars?"”" Yes, I have," Mother said as she set the table and prepared to eat. When the whole family had just picked up their bowls, two of the four children who had escaped from famine moved to my door slowly. They stood there and watched us eat. Their dirty hands were in their mouths, swallowing saliva, and their eyes stared at our bowls without moving.
Father couldn't stand it anymore and signaled mother to scoop more porridge for the two kids. Mother took two small bamboo tubes that were used as bowls and scooped some porridge for each of the two kids. The two kids had just taken them away when the two older kids came over and stood there watching us eat. Father put down the bowl and said,"I'm not hungry yet. Give mine to these two kids." Mother asked the older kids to bring bowls over. They brought a small porcelain tea jar. Mother filled them with porridge. He told the two of them to eat together.
At this moment, the middle-aged woman came back after making a round. She was carrying a teacup that was less than half filled with porridge. His mother had not been eating. At this time, his father went out and asked the man sitting at the foot of the wall where he came from. The man replied that he was from Huainan. He couldn't survive the flood, so his whole family escaped. He came to seek refuge with his fellow villagers in the Zhoutian area. However, after asking around, he found out that his fellow villagers had wandered to other places. He couldn't find his fellow villagers, so his family didn't know what to do. In the past, they had never begged for food, but now they couldn't open their mouths to beg. With four children, they couldn't ask for so much even if they begged for food. If they asked for something, they had to give it to the children first. He hadn't eaten anything for two days.(In 1962, the situation here had improved slightly, but he didn't expect that it was still so difficult in Henan.)
When Father heard this, he couldn't bear it, so he asked Mother to bring the pot over and let the family eat. Hearing the refugees talk about the disaster in their hometown, we brothers didn't really eat. As soon as dad said it, we quickly poured the porridge back into the pot and asked mom to bring it to the family who fled. That family ate our family's lunch like a whirlwind. Father said to them,"I can only help you with this meal. After you finish eating, you should quickly think of other ideas."”，The fleeing man thanked him repeatedly and dragged his family away.
Father's action of asking the whole family to give the food to the family who escaped from famine may not be due to any noble mentality, or it may be due to the situation of the family who escaped from famine. However, it is still a kind action. We brothers grew up in a family where our parents sympathized with the poor. Our moral character is not necessarily weaker than that of the children who grew up in a superior family. I will definitely prove this point in my later life.
This book comes from：m.funovel.com。