Time: 2009-3-2220:55:03 Words: 4606
At dusk in the early winter, the setting sun mercilessly took away the last rays of light that remained on the earth. Darkness would soon arrive and devour the fertile land after the harvest. An ordinary young man sat on the cold ridge of the field in a daze. The bright moonlight did not come on time after the sun had faded. He did not know if it was the moonless night of the '17th and 18th nights when I was blind' or if the dark clouds were blocking the pouring of the moonlight.
The dark night had arrived, and the wheat in the field had already revealed yellow-green buds, bringing hope to the desolate land for the coming year again. The earth was silent, and the air began to be filled with damp fog. He felt the chill of winter and could not help but shrink his shoulders.
The land in front of him was no longer as busy as when he was harvesting and farming all night. Loneliness accompanied by loss and hesitation swept through the young man's heart like a dark night without light. The familiar cricket cries did not disturb the silence of the night as usual. Behind him was a simple shack. This was his temporary shelter. He was guarding the rows of onions that were about to be harvested. No one knew what he was thinking. It was already very late at night, and the moon had not risen into the night sky as usual. The sky was gloomy. In the nearby village, one could still see the lights through the hazy fog. The faint light lit up the hope in the dark night, making the contemplative teenager stand up. He didn't have time to pat the soil on his body. He turned around and groped into the damp and drafty shack. There was nothing around him that could bring him any warmth. He curled up in the old quilt. Through the gaps between the corn stalks and the shack, he couldn't see a star that accompanied him yesterday. In the land that nurtured the harvest, he was nurturing disappointment. The increasingly thick frost blocked the last light at the entrance of the nearby village. The earth was pitch-black, and he fell asleep numbly on the yellow soil behind the village. Every day, he hoped that in the quiet night, the God of Fortune would quietly come to his side. As usual, he entered a troubled dream in prayer. There was a helpless desire in his tightly knitted brows. How he wished that the real day would be filled with the morning sun, shining on his sleepy eyes. This lonely and lonely teenager was called Zhiyuan. He did not have the lofty ambition to glorify his ancestors like his name. That was the hope that his father had placed on him. His abandoned studies became a regret that could not be recovered in his father's desperate eyes.
Zhiyuan's home was in a remote rural area in the southwest of Shandong Province, five kilometers away from the county town. The land of his hometown was flat yellow soil, which had raised Zhiyuan, who was born to be a dreamer. Zhiyuan had been handsome, smart, and mischievous since he was young. As the youngest child in his family, he was deeply loved by his family. He had been living in such a poor family since he was young, and the living environment had created his strong and brave character. It was this piece of yellow soil that left Zhiyuan's deep footprints. For generations, they lived a plain life by farming on this piece of yellow soil.
Zhiyuan was born in 1978. He had an elder sister and an elder brother. Their family was poor. Although they were not very rich at that time, Zhiyuan and the others 'childhood was still full of love and happiness. Perhaps their parents had high expectations for their future, hoping that they would achieve something in their studies and change their fate of farming day and night. However, as her sister and brother failed to study at home, their parents were disappointed that they could not learn anything. When Zhiyuan dropped out of school in 1993 because of his youth and frivolity, his parents 'last hope was completely gone. It was April 27th, 1994. It was a bright and hopeful early summer afternoon.
His parents slowly accepted the reality as they comforted themselves. Zhiyuan should always remember that his father often consoled himself after he was alone." The heart is higher than the sky, but the life is thinner than paper." Zhiyuan tried his best to understand the despair in his father's heart. When Zhiyuan's father was five years old, his grandfather died of illness due to the lack of money due to hard work. At that time, Hou Zhiyuan's second uncle was just three years old. Zhiyuan's father grew up in such a difficult environment. Under the conditions of not having enough to eat, not having enough to wear, not having enough warmth, and having to walk long distances, his strong and hardworking father persevered through high school. However, today, they had disappointed him so much in their carefree conditions. Zhiyuan always felt that reality was full of temptation. With his heroic spirit, his dream could be realized so easily. Zhiyuan, who was still in puberty, was full of fantasies and dreams. Perhaps it was because his family could not satisfy the various desires of material needs that grew with age. It was under the impact of being curious about the outside world that they walked out of the campus that they should have yearned for, even though their parents had been trying hard to dissuade Zhiyuan. However, his determination to make a name for himself in society and his childish thoughts filled his numb body. Under the self-encouragement of returning to his hometown without learning or skill, he resolutely turned around and walked into a society that was very different from his age and was full of hardships.
The sky outside urged Zhiyuan to spread his wings and fly to an unknown territory, flying out of the yellow land that he could not step out of for several lifetimes. He imagined a beautiful wish waving at him in the distance, not knowing if it was the call of an angel or the temptation of a devil. Zhiyuan had always yearned to live in the city and under the city sky. Although the vast fields in his hometown allowed him to run freely, he was also full of desire for the high-rise buildings that were watered with reinforced concrete. He wanted to try to cross the narrow streets of high-rise buildings to release his own freedom and find the joy of flying alone.
Zhiyuan, who had dropped out of school, was only fifteen or sixteen years old. He did not have any skills and could not enter the factory to work. His brother was still loitering at home. Zhiyuan's depravity increased the already existing sadness in his parents 'hearts. When Zhiyuan was in school, his brain was imagining another unknown world, and his heart was wandering in a new and unfamiliar city. Zhiyuan's initial plan was to go out and explore an open and developed big city. He had fantasized countless times about owning and ruling his own sky in his dream world. Dropping out of school had already broken his parents 'hearts. How could his family allow him to continue to be willful and degenerate? They were afraid that he would go astray at this age where he could not distinguish right from wrong. He should have been growing up in a holy ivory tower, but now he was wandering on the edge of the world and mingling in a complicated society full of struggles.
When the world of his dreams was right in front of him, the helpless young him lost his past passion, and his gloomy mood was mixed with an unconcealable loss. Zhiyuan had no choice but to help his uncle make crafts to earn some pocket money, so as to avoid making his parents feel disappointed when they were idle at home. The crafts were done according to foreign trade orders, which was a huge difference from Zhiyuan's original dream. The crafts were cosmetic boxes made of sycamore wood. He had never been exposed to carpentry skills before, so he tried to do the labor of various processes. The chainsaw spun rapidly and screamed. It rolled up fine sawdust and scattered it in the narrow and dark shed. The falling sawdust was like Zhiyuan's dream of being torn apart and floating in the flower season. It rose and fell in front of his eyes with the wind, struggling weakly to escape the direction that fate controlled. This intermittent batch of goods could not be connected to the next batch of goods. Zhiyuan could only earn two to three hundred yuan per batch of goods in three or two months. He could barely buy a few pieces of clothes that he had been longing for for a long time.
In less than a year, Zhiyuan was tired of this intermittent and monotonous work. Besides, this was not his ideal. However, where could she go if she wanted to go out to work? The city that she yearned for was so familiar in her dreams, but now it was so unfamiliar. In her dreams, the neon lights shone in the sky, but in reality, she opened her somewhat confused eyes. The road ahead was so dark, and even the familiar direction gradually became unfamiliar. The other shore that he had always thought was close at hand was actually so far away from him due to the lost route. Zhiyuan's wandering at home only made his father's face more solemn. Looking at his father who was becoming more and more experienced, he didn't know what to do. His heroic words had become the subject of his parents 'nagging. At this time, the thought of going back and rereading it occasionally flashed through his mind. His father had once contacted Zhiyuan to re-study at a school, but he was still stubborn and would not admit defeat. He missed another opportunity to enrich his academic qualifications. Just like that, he did a few odd jobs intermittently, but these were not long-term jobs. His parents had been worried about his future. Zhiyuan used the money he earned to buy the things he wanted. His family did not have the resources to satisfy his desire. This was also one of the reasons why he wanted to go out of school to earn money. Looking at everything in front of him, a sense of satisfaction flashed across his heart. Zhiyuan knew that his parents were also deeply guilty about not being able to easily buy him a piece of clothing that their child wanted, so his parents never wanted the meager income he earned. Seeing that all the extravagant hopes of childhood had been obtained at this moment, Zhiyuan suddenly felt uneasy after a short period of satisfaction. Where was tomorrow? "What should I do tomorrow?”
Just like that, Zhiyuan squandered the first year that belonged to him without any purpose. The harvest of a few hundred yuan a year made him ashamed to face his parents. The golden world that he had imagined at the beginning was blown away by the morning wind without a trace. Back then, all the so-called dreams and the gains after the adventure were ridiculous and laughable. Everything that was within reach in the haze was like an ethereal cloud in reality. The distance was so far.
Zhiyuan was much calmer and more mature in reality. He gradually felt that the gap between reality and his dreams was getting wider and wider. His poor family background and his parents 'numb eyes made him feel so small. It was difficult for his young shoulders to carry the burden of his own survival, let alone realize the fantasy that was not proportional to his thin body. In a world where only the fittest survived, he used to naively think that there would be gains if he put in the effort. Zhiyuan, who was eager for success, now realized that he didn't even have the chance to put in the effort. At first, his stubbornness and naivety made him have no way out. It was said that the mistakes of youth could be forgiven, but Zhiyuan's mistake was a loss that could not be made up for in his life. The simple family environment and the setbacks he experienced strengthened Zhiyuan's determination to not give in to fate and try to change it.
Back then, when a young man came to the county town to study with his childhood aspirations, an environment full of temptation and attraction made Zhiyuan lose himself and distort the trajectory of his life. Back then, his parents 'limited experience could not convince Zhiyuan, whose mind had been corrupted by fantasy. Now, they did not complain too much about Zhiyuan because yesterday was already the past that could not be replayed. At dusk, by the river at the village entrance, Zhiyuan recalled his experience of loss and infinite confusion about the future. The cool autumn wind blew at his no longer fanatical heart. The willow tree with its withered branches and leaves waved at Zhiyuan. Everything that would never be forgotten, the river that accompanied Zhiyuan from his staggering childhood to a young man with dreams, was still the same river as his childhood. Zhiyuan was no longer the naughty boy who watched the stone trees sprout and played the willow flute in spring. Yesterday's experience could not wash away the carefree memories of taking a bath in the river in summer and catching cicadas. Life had given Zhiyuan such a beautiful past, and it also gave Zhiyuan the thought of understanding life and longing to face real life when he grew up. The river seemed to be gradually narrowing in his eyes, and he could vaguely see his childhood footprints scattered on both sides of the river. Looking back at the life he had just come into contact with and the aimless future, he felt a surge of sadness in his heart. He felt the taste of grief and looked into the distance. He had a faint fear of tomorrow and a trace of helpless despair for the future.
Zhiyuan's father was worried. After Zhiyuan dropped out of school, his father had been working hard for his future. The family's living situation was the same as before. Other than the meager income his parents dug from the barren land, the family had no other source of income. As the eldest, his sister was about to get married. His brother, Da Zhiyuan, was seven years old. As his brother was physically weak, he could not share the burden of labor with his parents. His brother's job had always been a big mountain in his parents 'hearts. As his parents grew older, the work in the fields became a little strenuous. Zhiyuan's family did not have any capable relatives, so his father went around asking people to help his brother find a job. The family's savings had long been spent, and they still owed a large loan. As the years passed, Zhiyuan saw his parents 'foreheads filled with traces of grief. At this time, Zhiyuan's father deeply understood that his children could shelter them from the wind and rain when they were young. When they grew up, they had to have the capital and skills to live independently. This was also the reason why he had high expectations for them. Even if everything in reality was so unsatisfactory, he still had to encourage the children to take every step of their lives seriously.
At the end of 1994, Zhiyuan's second uncle, who worked in a coal mine more than 200 kilometers away from home, came home to visit his family. The coal mine his second uncle worked in was near Weishan Lake in Shandong Province. His second uncle worked underground. The salary underground was high. In order to support his family, his second uncle gave up his comfortable job on the ground and went to the production line. Two years ago, his second uncle's family moved away. His brother and cousin had to go to school and work there. His father had asked his second uncle to find him a job in the coal mine. Second Uncle grew up with his father. When Second Uncle was eighteen, his father made the decision to let Second Uncle join the army. It was his father's decision that changed Second Uncle's life. After Second Uncle was discharged, he was placed in a coal mine affiliated to Zaozhuang Mining Bureau. Second Uncle respected his elder brother very much and always remembered his father's trust. This time, his second uncle brought good news. He said that if Zhiyuan's household register was registered in his family's household register, he would be able to find a job in the mine that was as secure as his. All the coal resources in the mine had been mined out. The Mining Bureau had built a new mine near Weishan Lake, which was rich in coal resources, 50 kilometers away. The bureau wanted to recruit the last batch of unemployed miners before the mine was closed, but they did not know which mine to go to. Zhiyuan was within the age range of this recruitment, so they just had to wait for the notice. People of their age were about to retire. The young formal workers were sent to the new mine. This news brought a ray of hope to Zhiyuan's family, which was filled with gloom. Because his brother was also unemployed, his parents could at least relieve one person's stress and see a little hope for the future of the family.
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