Time: 2011-2- 14 12:38:52 Words: 2324
47. anniversary
My academic life was quite fulfilling. I attended classes during the day and studied at night. After the ancient history training, I had an examination. Fortunately, I got the highest score in the class. I felt that it was not difficult, so I began to relax. I spent all my time reading "Confessions" at night. I felt that Russell wrote it very well. I admired his confession the most:
"This is what I do, what I think, who I am. I spoke of good and evil with equal frankness, hiding no evil nor adding any good. If there were any unintentional embellishments, it would only fill in the gaps caused by poor memory. I might have written what I thought was true, but I would never write what I knew was false as true. I truthfully described what kind of person I was. I did not hide whether I was despicable or hateful. I did not hide whether I was kind, generous or noble. I've exposed my heart that you can't see. God, summon my countless brethren to me, let them hear my confession, let them sigh for my ugliness, let them be ashamed of my meanness. Let every one of them present his own heart before thy throne with the same sincerity, and then see who dares to say to thee: 'I'm better than that person!'"
At that time, I thought that when I was old, I would also write a recollection, just like Russell. I would write out my real life and reflect the changes of this era.
In the second phase, Teacher Wu Liangyou taught modern history. Because he was relaxed, he fell to third place in the exam. But fortunately, in the third phase, Teacher Zheng Chuanbin was originally going to teach world history. He changed it to teaching materials and was very passionate. He didn't go jungling for a day and listened very seriously. He gained more. However, after the exam, we let go and didn't get any results.
After moving his luggage and returning to school, everything was new again.
Yu Lian immediately ran to our dormitory to ask me some knowledge. I no longer had fear of Wu Aiting. I let go of my emotions and no longer avoided Yu Lian.
However, he still hoped that he could have a good talk with Wu Aiting. However, when he really thought about it, he didn't know what to say. Just say goodbye? He couldn't say it.
It's been a year since we started working. The principal asked us to be promoted to teach Grade Eight together. I'm still the class teacher. I'm still Wu Aiting in math and Li Zhuhong in English. However, why wasn't Wu Aiting here yet? Could it be that he was taking the entrance exam for TVU? I think so.
School hadn't officially started yet. We prepared for lessons during the day and played together at night. When the sky wasn't completely dark, we went out for a walk. Li Zhuhong and I walked to the opposite side of the Yangma River and then walked around. When we returned to the dormitory, we sang. I stopped playing the harmonica and sang along with Li Zhuhong's violin:
The cold window of the lonely house is windy and rainy, I want to talk, but I still rest.
Yesterday was warm spring and today is autumn. It's hard to find a confidant.
The four seas are my home, my home is thousands of miles away, and my lonely boat swings in the horizon.
Yesterday the spring tide, today the harvest, who mixed my sinking and floating,
Night after night, the wind and rain, the good dream has long been startled and stopped.
I've lost my love to the east, leaving only hate and shame.
The wind and rain destroy the flowers, why bother? It is difficult to keep the fallen red.
The end of spring was as desolate as the end of autumn, and there were many worries that could not be described.
It's hard to tell my longing for you when I stretch my bowstring; I sigh at the chasm so close by.
The flowers fall and the water flows; I lean against the tower with my heart broken.
Where is the bright moon every night? I don't cast the shadow of osmanthus.
The turtledove at the pass is full of sorrow, but it is always bitter and sad.
I seemed to be so engrossed in singing that tears were about to come out. Li Zhuhong stopped playing the violin and said,"
"Old Zhang, I find that you are very suitable to sing this song.”
Actually, how would he know what kind of mood I was in when I sang this tune? Humans were contradictory creatures. They clearly liked each other and knew that the other party liked them, but why did things turn out like this today? Regret? Overturn the words she said to her mother? Continue to date Wu Aiting?
I asked myself again and again, and the answer I got was always no. First of all, you are a man. How can a man go back on his word? Actually, a man can go back on his word. This is a principle that I realized decades later. However, decades ago, I was determined to keep my promise. Secondly, to love someone is to make them happy. You can't give them happiness, so you don't have the right to love them. Or you have to give way and let them pursue a better future. Thinking about Wu Aiting, her family background was so good. Even if they were of the same social status, they were from a good family. Moreover, girls usually found better men.
There was no third. He couldn't finish thinking about the second, so he went back to the first.
Just as we were singing, Wu Aiting came. I continued singing without looking at her. No, I didn't dare to look at her. She leaned forward and said,
"Zhang Su Ning, you sang very emotionally today!”
Li Zhuhong echoed,
"Old Zhang sang this song really well!"
I thought that Wu Aiting and Li Zhuhong were quite a good match. Wu Aiting was smart, Li Zhuhong was handsome, and their family conditions were similar…I had the idea of matchmaking them, but I felt uncomfortable.
I didn't look into Wu Aiting's eyes. I didn't know what she was hinting at me. I tossed and turned in bed all night, so much so that Li Zhehong protested,
"Old Zhang, what's wrong? Are you suffering from insomnia?"
I grunted, got out of bed, and walked to the playground. I was afraid that Wu Aiting would come out and see or bump into Yu Lian, so I walked to Douzha Road and wandered under the shade of the trees. The moonlight leaked through the gaps of the leaves, giving me a little sunlight and rain. No, it was the cold and cold dew. The cicadas shouted desperately on the tree, as if they were laughing at me.
For the past year, she had been looking forward to love every day. Love had finally arrived, but she had lost it again. How ridiculous. Why did he agree to it at that time? There was no room for negotiation now.
Was it her own dressing? Thus, I began to reflect on my image. Thinking about it, it made sense. The clothes were all sewn at home. When he went to the teacher's college, his sister-in-law gave him a pair of pants. It was said that it cost twelve yuan. It was very expensive, but who could see the pants? The shirt seemed to be from high school. Although it was not patched, it had been washed until it was white. Also, he didn't look good either. At least he was very dark and his hair was messy like grass. It would be great if he was as tall and handsome as his brother.
In fact, at that time, he had never carefully considered his own strengths. At least, he was 1.74 meters tall, which should have been the standard height at that time. Although his face was thin and long, at least he did not look defeated. There was only one mole on his face, which was the exact opposite of the hair leader. He was on the left and I was on the right. It was just that his shoulders were a little narrow, which made his chest seem not wide enough. Perhaps there were many girls who had a crush on him back then.
Did she dress like someone from the countryside and make her mother feel that she was unpresentable? Sorry? However, she couldn't tell from her mother's eyes at that time.
He had gotten himself into a small alley and was stuck in the middle. He couldn't get through and couldn't get back.
I was walking on the road when a car drove over. The headlights were bright and bright. After the car drove past, it was dark. Only then did I remember that the moon had set for a long time. I should go back to sleep.
He pushed Wu Aiting's door open and hesitated for a moment. Finally, he restrained his desire and gently closed it again. He returned to bed, his heart pounding. So, I started fantasizing again. Why not go in and enjoy the temporary emotional exchange? Who cares how I'm going to face her mother tomorrow?
Until the window turned white, I didn't have the courage to open the door again. From then on, the door was closed to me forever. Perhaps, Wu Aiting still opened it for me, but I closed it myself and locked it. From then on, I couldn't enter again. Until one day, Wu Aiting found me with another girl and angrily left.
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