The night before New Year's Day, Ding Nan was surfing the internet alone in the dormitory. At this time, Sun Guowei sent a congratulatory message: "The first ray of sunlight in the morning is my deep blessing to you. The last touch of redness in the setting sun is my sincere greeting to you. At this moment of bidding farewell to the old and welcoming the new, I give my most sincere blessing: Happy New Year!"
She stared at the text message a few times. It should be a congratulatory text message that was extracted from the Internet, but there was a subtle unfamiliarity and distance between the lines. Just like Sun Guowei at the beginning, it gave her a sense of surprise.
She looked at it for a long time, thought about it, and replied to his message,"Are you guys going to rest for three days on New Year's Day? How are we going to live? Should I go find you? Or are you coming to the city?"
After a while, Sun Guowei replied. Ding Nan looked at it and rubbed his eyes. He widened his eyes and looked again. The phone screen clearly showed: "I'm sorry! Treasure! I'm getting married! She had already registered her marriage and planned to hold a ceremony when she returned home during the Spring Festival to make her parents happy.”
Her fingers lost their strength for no reason, and the phone fell from her hand onto the table. She was stunned. In fact, this was only a matter of time. She had already mentally prepared herself, but when he personally told her the news, she still felt that it was so sudden and too fast. She felt that there was no warning before this. He had only returned to the country for half a year.
She leaned back on the chair and covered her face with a magazine. She closed her eyes and let the tears slide down her neck and into her chest. It went from warm to cool and finally cold. The plastic cover of the magazine was even smoother with tears on it. Soon, the entire magazine slipped to the ground. She was too lazy to pick it up. Even though she was never willing to admit it, she could not lie to herself. She had waited for more than three years, not because she did not want to be carefree forever, not because she did not want to be selfless and selfless. She had hoped that there would be a clear result. She had always been gambling. She wanted to use her own good, her own waiting and sacrifice, to gamble on his feelings and emotions, to gamble on a real marriage.
But now, he was getting married, and the bride was not her. Her hope had finally become hopeless. As for what he said about getting married and then getting a divorce, and then marrying her, she never dared to hold any hope. She always shook her head and smiled bitterly. It was as if the person in charge was not her, but someone else. She was waiting to see how the show would end.
The tears in her eyes had not dried yet, but the corners of her mouth suddenly twitched and she smiled. He had been searching for so many years. If he could really find a relationship that was compatible with each other and had no worries, should she put down her selfishness and selflessly forget herself for him? Was the dull pain in his heart because of love or because of unwillingness? If it was love, perhaps she should bless him.
That being said, when she thought about how that man would be far away from her life from now on, how his gentleness and love would be cut off from her, and how all his good things would be transferred to another woman, and how she would have to live alone with a broken heart for the rest of her life, she felt so much pain that she wished she was dead. Without love, what was the point of living? However, no matter if you wished you were dead or wished you were dead, life had to go on unless you died directly. If you don't dare to die, then even if it's difficult, you have to hold on.
She sat alone for a long time. Just as she was about to get up to wash her face, her phone rang again. She raised it to take a look and saw that it was Sun Guowei. He said,"I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! I really have no choice! Can I treat you to lunch tomorrow? At the place where we first met for dinner, at 12 o'clock, I'll wait for you!”
She fell into deep thought again. Should she go or not? In the end, he asked himself, why not? Whether it's to see him for the last time or out of curiosity, you should go and listen to him.
At noon on New Year's Day, she arrived at the Sichuan restaurant where they had met for the first time. He was already sitting there, facing the door. The moment she entered the room and looked up, they saw each other.
He ordered her favorite pickled fish and her favorite hot drink, Lulu, and asked for two other dishes. When he asked her what else she wanted, she said that she didn't want it and asked the waiter to take it away.
While waiting for the dishes to be served, neither of them spoke. She kept staring at the person in front of her, as if she was staring at a stranger she had never met before, as if she wanted to see through him in an instant. They had known each other for a long time, but she realized that she thought she knew him very well, but in fact, she did not really know him. His gaze became distant and absent-minded again, and then it became distant and deep, and she could not see through him no matter how hard she tried.
Under her unfettered and persistent gaze, he was a little shy and evasive, and he could not help but lower his eyes. After a while, he turned around and took something out of his bag. Then, he turned around and pushed the white card he took out on the table.
Ding Nan picked it up and flipped it over. It was a photo. A strong short-haired woman in her thirties was looking at an unknown place on the right side of the camera.
She guessed who it was, but she still asked,"Who is this?"
He looked at her and laughed self-deprecatingly. He lowered his head and fiddled with the cup. The corner of his left mouth moved, and then he said,"It's my man."
It was a cold and cloudy New Year's Day, and the lighting was not very good. She raised it again and looked at it carefully against the light at the door. She was a little fat and a little strong. She was wearing a red shirt and was a very ordinary woman. "Where are you from?" she asked. What kind of job do you do? How old are you?"
He opened the cutlery for both of them and laid it out. Without looking at her, he said,"Beijing local, accountant, the same age as me.”
A trace of cold disdain appeared at the corner of her mouth. She snorted and said,"You really covered it up tightly. I didn't see any signs before.”
He ignored her sarcasm and looked at her.""She was the one who didn't answer my call when you were there. We've only known each other for about three months."
At this moment, a hot dish and drink were served. She moved the seat in front of her and arranged it properly. Then, she raised her eyebrows and looked straight at him."I don't understand. Why did you marry such a person in such a hurry? I'm not saying that she's not good. You've been on blind dates for more than ten years and more than a hundred times. I always feel that the one chosen in the end shouldn't be someone like her.”
He seemed to have expected her to ask such a question and couldn't help but laugh. As if he already had an answer in his heart, he teased,"If I find a bad one, I still have a reason to divorce. If I find a good one, aren't you afraid that I won't divorce?”
However, she did not find it funny. She stared at him and asked,"Are you talking to me seriously?”
He immediately stopped smiling, looked at her, and slowly said,""Of course, this is also part of the reason. "Also, I'm almost 35 years old. My mother is nagging me every day. I'm tired. I'm tired of looking. I really don't want to look anymore. Sometimes, he had a strange feeling that it was the same no matter who he looked for.”
"Then why can't it be me?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.”
There was pity on his face again. He sighed and said,"You know, why do you have to force me to say it?”
She stared at him and said stubbornly,"I want to hear you say it."
His Adam's apple moved as if he swallowed something with difficulty. Then, he slowly said,"We don't just live for ourselves. I have to consider my mother's feelings and the views of the world. Their views and attitudes are different from ours.”
She nodded knowingly and said repeatedly," Yes, I understand, I understand. If you found someone much stronger than me, I would have given up and not said anything. Now that you've found someone who looks inferior to me, how can I be satisfied?”
The pickled fish was served. He didn't answer, but picked up the small bowl in front of her, filled it up, and handed it over. After a long time, he asked,""Sometimes, when I think about sleeping in the same bed with a woman I don't like, it's worse than killing me.”
His words and his expression immediately made her laugh. Then, she asked,"You don't like her? Are you still willing to get married like this?"
He pulled her hand over and placed it by his mouth, biting it gently with his teeth. Then, he looked up at her and said,"Wait for me, okay? Very soon! Seeing that she did not speak, he lowered his head again and bit her harder. A slight pain appeared on her face, and she could not help but frown.
He put her hand down and looked again. There were a few deep teeth marks on the back of her hand, like oval flesh-colored lip marks. He stroked them with his fingers and said,"Does it hurt? I want you to remember me forever!"
Her face returned to its indifferent expression, and then the corners of her mouth curled up slightly as she said sarcastically,"I will! Of course I will! However, don't tell me you don't plan to marry me after the divorce?”She had long lost hope in her heart, but she did not say anything. Perhaps she just wanted him to have an attitude, a clear attitude!
He looked at her for a long time before he stammered,"I'm so scared. I'm afraid I don't have the courage. Can you always be by my side? I'm afraid that I won't have the courage if I can't see you.”
She withdrew her hand and said in disappointment,""You didn't notice? You're still an indecisive person.”
He was speechless. The two of them stopped talking.
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