It was already late September, and the autumn in Beijing was even stronger. On the night when the lanterns were lit, a breeze blew past, sweeping up the fallen leaves, making it seem even more desolate. The passers-by were all in a hurry, as if they were eager to rush to their homes where there were people waiting for them.
Ding Nan had always thought that autumn was the most melancholic season, the season that made people yearn for their loved ones and their homes. Autumn came early in Beijing, so it was even more so. However, in this world, who knew how many people were like her who had no lover or family? She walked through the hazy night and lowered her head to her place where no one was waiting for her. When she walked to the place that could not be called home, her heart was desolate.
At nine o'clock, she sat on the sofa and did the English cloze. She didn't know many new words, so she looked through the vocabulary book on the table and did it for a while.
A bolt of lightning streaked across the night sky, drawing her gaze out of the window. Soon, the wind blew, and the rain and rain mixed. Everything happened so quickly. Such a compact natural landscape happened in less than five minutes, but it lasted for more than an hour. Lightning as bright as day, rumbling thunder, dancing branches, and heavy rain seemed to tear the world apart and destroy it. It was the most spectacular night she had ever seen in her life.
The two of them had not returned yet. It was unknown if they were on the road or taking shelter from the rain.
She suddenly burst into tears because of loneliness and loneliness. The books in his hands and the postgraduate entrance examination instantly became worldly possessions. At this moment, she suddenly felt that it was time to find a man and start a family again. After living separately for four years, she had long forgotten the warmth of a family, but as the autumn gradually deepened, it gradually came alive in her heart.
Therefore, when Teacher Chen asked her to meet Officer Sun for the fifth time, she decided to try her luck. At that time, she was still young and had some confidence and courage.
She didn't go to Teacher Chen's house for dinner. She just asked for the man's phone number and sent him a message to meet at a Sichuan restaurant in Tongzhou.
The appointment was at seven o'clock on Saturday night, so he arrived early.
The man in front of her was indeed as Teacher Chen had said. He was a talented and dignified man. He had the crew cut that she liked and looked very energetic. He had the typical thick eyebrows and big eyes. His face was so handsome that it was impeccable. However, there was nothing special about him. In an instant, he gave her the feeling of a plastic flower, especially his eyes. They were empty and unfocused. Although he was looking at her, it was as if he wanted to see through her to an unknown place far, far away behind her.
The soldier in casual clothes in front of her gave her an inexplicable sense of surprise.
"Sun Guowei?" She greeted him with a smile.
"Good memory! Ding Nan?" He smiled politely.
"Your memory is also very good!" she replied.
"Haha."
"Teacher Chen was very enthusiastic. He said a few times that he would introduce me to you.”
"Yeah, I've said it a few times. The last time I was at her house for dinner, she asked you to come over. You have something to do. It's really not easy to see you.”
"I'm sorry. I really had something to do that time. I had a friend over and was having dinner with her.”
"It's fine, hehe. You're twenty-seven?"
"Yeah, you're thirty-one?"
"That's right."
"Why haven't you found a suitable one at this age? Too picky?"
"I can't say for sure, hehe. Don't mind me, it's been more than ten years since I went to university at the age of nineteen. I've gone on blind dates more than a hundred times, but I still haven't found a family yet. Many of my university classmates 'children are already in primary school.”He looked very emotional and mocked himself.
"He's so handsome that no one dares to take him?" she joked.
"I'm sorry. Some of them were chosen by me, while others were chosen by me. The younger ones probably have a generation gap. They jump around in front of you and talk about cats and dogs. There's no common language. It's boring. They were about the same age and were more worldly. It was difficult to open up their hearts and it was very tiring to talk.”He thought for a moment and said.
"Then what age do you think is suitable?”
"About five years apart. The two of us can do it, hehe."
The two of them chatted as they ate. During this time, he scooped soup for her twice and picked up some food for her a few times, looking very gentlemanly.
"Your eyes are very beautiful. However, her eyes were empty. Although she was looking at the person opposite her, her thoughts seemed to have passed through her body and landed far, far behind her. You should be very empty and lost. It's been many years. You have no direction and can't find what you want.”She spoke of her feelings for him. At that stage, she especially loved to analyze people. Her colleagues and friends all said that she was a shrewd person who could accurately judge people at a glance.
He stared at her for about thirty seconds. His eyes were first surprised, then slowly softened.
"Really? No one has ever said such things to me.”he said.
"However, it makes sense. It seems like that's the case. I'm indeed very empty. Ever since I started working, I've been lost. Sometimes, I feel like I can see myself in my sixties now. Life was the same. Our colleagues often joked that we were calmly waiting for death.”he added.
"How could this be? The people in your system should be very happy. You don't know how lucky you are, right?”She asked in surprise. What he said was indeed something she had never thought of or heard of before.
"Maybe, hehe. Sometimes, if you didn't have classes for a semester and didn't go to work, you would go out to play for half a year. No one would care about you, and your salary would be paid to your card. Sometimes, I think that no one will know if I die outside. The house would be distributed to the unit, the children's and wife's household registration would be with the army, the children's school, the wife's job, the unit would also help solve, there was nothing to worry about. It was because he did not have to worry about anything that he felt that he could see the situation of being sixty years old now. That was why he had no direction and felt empty.”After he finished speaking, he turned his head to the side and looked out the window. His eyes returned to their dazed state.
"I see." For a moment, she was also very emotional and did not know what to say.
"Sometimes, I envy those who work in the company. I yearn for that fast-paced life and want to change my environment to give it a try, but I'm afraid. I feel that I'm used to being lazy in my current environment and have become a cripple. If I'm not in this unit one day, I don't know what I can do.”He turned his head to look at her and said faintly.
"But your stable state is the life that we wanderers dream of. From a certain perspective, I'm taking the postgraduate entrance examination because I want you to be in this state.”she said.
"Oh? You want to take the postgraduate entrance exam?"
"Yes, I am."
"Our colleagues are all thinking about studying for the postgraduate entrance examination. A few of them have already bought the postgraduate entrance examination books and are preparing. They all want to leave this place that is as silent as stagnant water. I thought about it too, but I'm afraid I don't have the willpower to persevere. My best friend, Xiao Wei, is also a schoolmate and former colleague. He transferred to a local unit last year. He said that he couldn't wait here to die of old age. He wanted to try out the outside environment while he was still young and experience a different life. In the past, he looked like he was about to die. Now, every time he came back to play, his spirit was really enviable. He is a person with more courage than me." It seemed that he hadn't had a deep conversation with anyone for a long time. Once he started talking, he was unwilling to stop.
"I see. I still don't quite understand.”She seemed to have understood something, but she still looked like she only understood half of it.
"It's stable. It's so stable that it's about to die peacefully. What he didn't have was what he wanted the most.”he said.
Wasn't this being despicable? We're still running around for survival, but you're here saying something that doesn't hurt. You really don't know how lucky you are! They were all raised by their parents and had graduated from university. Why was there such a huge gap between them? Although she somewhat understood, she still felt indignant in her heart.
"Why haven't you found the relationship you want? You're not young anymore." After a moment of silence, he asked.
"Sometimes, after walking a long way with someone, you think that you can go on forever. However, at the next fork in the road, the other party chooses to turn and leave. So what if he was unwilling? Love required two people to work together, and one person's persistence was sad.”She looked out of the window and said bitterly.
"Yes, sometimes, relationships progress through owing others and being owed by others.”He nodded.
"Many times, I feel that feelings are like spices. They are not necessities in life. Work and survival are the main ingredients and necessities. With spices, life would be more delicious, but without them, life could still be lived.”she said.
"But who doesn't want a more complete life?”He asked with a smile.
"Hehe, let's talk about something more relaxed. Why aren't you wearing your military uniform? Are there any rules for you to wear military uniforms?”She put away her disappointment and wanted to mediate the atmosphere.
"There's no rule. You have to wear it when you go to work, but you can choose not to wear it outside.”he replied.
"What rank are you now?”
"Where's my Major?"
"Sometimes, when I see soldiers in military uniforms on the streets, I think they're very cool and handsome. It seems that you don't think so, right?”
"It's not convenient to wear a military uniform." he said with a smile.
"What? I've only heard that it's very convenient to wear a military uniform. No matter where you go, you'll be respected and given priority treatment. There are even people who give up their seats in the car. How can it be inconvenient?”She was so surprised that she almost spat out a mouthful of rice. Thus, she asked the question on behalf of the people of the country.
"If I were wearing a military uniform and met a thief on the road, do you think I should care or not?”he asked, still smiling.
Crazy! So it was this kind of inconvenience! Sigh, people nowadays, even soldiers are so realistic! The words 'justice' and 'integrity' should have been thrown into the pile of old papers a long time ago. She said in her heart. She felt a little disappointed, but she could understand it after thinking about it. She asked herself, if she encountered injustice on the road, would she dare to interfere? Aren't people these days all playing safe? Thinking back to that night when they encountered the hooligans, no one had helped them, even if it was just to provide voice support, so he understood everything.
After meeting her this time, she thought about it for a while and felt that it was just average. She didn't have any special feelings for him, so she decided to let nature take its course. She didn't talk about her true situation first. Besides, perhaps he didn't like her.
Unexpectedly, every night after that, Sun Guowei would send her a message. He didn't say anything and only asked," What are you doing?”"Have you gone home?" "Have you eaten?" "Are you tired from work today?" Words like that. On the weekend a week later, he asked her out for dinner again.
She thought that it was time to tell him the truth about her situation. Otherwise, it would be a waste of their time. If he could accept it, then so be it. If he couldn't accept it, then so be it. It would be better for both of them to make plans.
Hence, she wrote him a long letter and sent it to his email. It was not good to say such things in person.
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