Mo Song was my neighbor and also my primary school classmate. In my memory, he was a strong and cunning boy. His father was in the army, and his mother was my father's colleague. When I was young, he always bullied me. Fortunately, he was only in the fourth grade of primary school, and his mother went to the distant northwest with the army. Therefore, my memory of him gradually blurred. When I met him again, it was already ten years later.
When I was young, I was a weak boy. I was handsome and quiet, but I was ridiculed. In that era, weak boys were not welcomed. That Mo Song was the king of the children in our small city. It was he who led those boys to isolate me and humiliate me. Many years later, when I think about it, I still bear a grudge.
Although I had a good appearance, my inferiority complex never went away. After I was ten years old, I always hated my own weakness and hoped to be as rough as those boys who acted wildly on the streets. Unfortunately, I couldn't do it. Loneliness lingered around me like a ghost. When I reached puberty, I longed to play basketball and swim like other boys, but I was always so clumsy. After being ridiculed in the court and swimming pool, I swore never to appear in those places again. However, the scent of those young and masculine boys blew past the sun and the breeze, making me unable to extricate myself. I knew that a terrible thing was about to happen to me, but I was powerless to stop it.
As I grew older, the youthful, dark, athletic boy became more and more of a curse in my heart. It made me unable to control my emotions during countless impulsive nights and days, but I didn't realize that it would be my nightmare for the rest of my life.
In the summer of the year I was seventeen, I met Mo Song again. For more than ten years, my family had been living in the dormitory of my father's unit. In this quiet small city, there were not many outsiders. During lunch break, every family would open their doors so that the breeze could blow in. Not long after I lay on the bed, I heard my father snoring next door. My mother, who had been busy all this time, was also silent. My sister had already married, and the surroundings were quiet. Those inexplicable desires surged in my heart again, making it difficult for me to sleep. His hand reached into his crotch countless times, but he had no choice but to let it go. The warnings in the book about excessive self-control made people have to restrain themselves.
Just like that, I walked out of the house with the desire to peep at young, dark, and strong boys. The midsummer sun shone directly on the ground, making everything look dejected. Other than the occasional hot wind blowing, I didn't seem to see anyone walking. Suddenly, I heard the sound of a basketball being hit from behind me. This kind of ambiguous sound made me tremble. I immediately turned my eyes to look for my target. Not far behind our building was the basketball court of my father's unit. I thought the sound should have come from there, so I quickened my pace, but soon the sound of the basketball stopped, making me even more uneasy. I accidentally collided with someone at the corner of the small road. I staggered and almost lost my balance. The person quickly threw the basketball down and helped me.
"What's the hurry? What are you rushing to do?" The person shouted loudly.
The unique aura of a young and athletic boy assaulted my senses. I looked up and saw an extremely handsome face. I couldn't help but take two steps back. Then, his strong and tanned body came into view. He was bare-chested and wore a pair of red basketball pants. Such youth and seduction made people almost incoherent.
"Oh, nothing, I'm in a hurry... in a hurry..."
I didn't dare to look him in the eye. In front of a male's body, I had always felt inferior.
Before I could finish speaking, I hurriedly took a detour, afraid that if I continued like this, it would be even more embarrassing. However, she had only taken a few steps when she was stopped by him.
"Lu Hao, are you Lu Hao?"
I turned around and looked at him in confusion. This time, I looked at him openly. He was about half a head taller than me, and his thick black hair fell to his eyebrows. Under his thick eyebrows was a pair of provocative eyes. I was too familiar with this gaze. It was almost my nightmare in my childhood.
"You are…"
He threw the basketball on the ground, spread his hands, and smiled. The dark skin on his arm shone with an alluring luster under the sun.
"Little girl, you've grown up!" He said in a teasing tone.
"Mo Song?"
He nodded and walked over to hug me. I tried to refuse, but his unyielding strength quickly drowned me in his strong body.
That night, I couldn't extricate myself from the remnants of the aura. The violent diarrhea that night made me exhausted and unable to escape.
Just like that, Mo Song once again entered my life. From the conversation between his parents at the dinner table, he learned that Mo Song's family had returned to this small town with his father's transfer. His mother still returned to his father's unit to work and still lived in the house from many years ago. His father went to a certain bureau to become a small official.
Mo Song was half a year older than me. He was in the same grade as me in primary school, but we weren't in the same class. That year was the most fortunate thing for me. At that time, there was a kind of evil look in his eyes. When he stopped me on the way back from school with a group of people who called themselves young men and humiliated and teased me for fun, I wanted to kill him many times. Of course, this was only in my imagination. Every time I was bullied by them, I could only be depressed and not speak when I returned home. To be honest, my father looked down on me. Every time I cried, I could see the disdain in his eyes. The only thing she could do was to talk to Mo Song's mother. Mo Song's mother doted on her son very much. Although she would blame him a little, it was useless. The next day, Mo Song would still stop me on the road and say,
"Little girl, you sure have a fast tongue. What else can you do other than complain?”
After saying that, he walked up and grabbed my hair, making me lie down and let him ride me.
When she thought back to these things, it seemed that she still retained her hatred for him.
However, Mo Song seemed to have completely forgotten him. Every time he met him, he was always smiling. Although there was still a kind of evil in his eyes, it was undeniable that he was now a sensible and polite boy. In the days when he first came back, he always warmly greeted every uncle and aunt and was busy helping his neighbors. He's such an amiable person now, unlike me, who's self-abased and conceited, eccentric and arrogant. I think in the hearts of the elders, he's far less cute than him. In fact, he was already extremely cute in my heart, but that kind of love was extremely ambiguous.
That summer, I always got up early and rode my bicycle to the art teacher's house on the other side of the town to draw. I was going to be in my third year of high school next semester. I hoped to apply for the art major, so I would draw at the teacher's house every morning. When I rode past the court, I could always see Mo Song playing bare-chested. Sometimes it was one person, and sometimes there were several people. Their strong bodies shone with a warm luster under the morning sun. Occasionally, he would see me and greet me loudly.
"Lu Hao, do you want to play together?"
I quickly shook my head and said,
"I have to go to class."
Then, he pedaled his bicycle and rushed out of the unit's courtyard. He rushed all the way to the main street. After a while, he finally felt his heart beating violently. His forehead was already covered in fine sweat.
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