The betrothal was decided just like that. I didn't even have the chance to resist. In the countryside, this matter was neither big nor small. Since it was decided, they had to invite their relatives and friends to a banquet.
Very soon, the news of me and Luo Feng being engaged as children spread like wildfire. I reckon that everyone knew about it. As a result, when I walked on the streets, the adults would always praise or be satisfied, while the children would always joke or be curious. When the students in school saw me, they would also ask me questions.
I couldn't stand the strange gazes and the stubborn self-esteem of a child. I was almost on the verge of breaking down. On the other hand, Luo Feng had a relaxed look on his face, as if he didn't mind people finding out about their relationship.
His provocative gaze seemed to me to be naked revenge. He hates me. He's a cold person to begin with, so he won't pity me at all.
Actually, my feelings for him had unknowingly changed from liking to fear. My attitude towards him had also changed from pleasing to avoiding.
I don't know why Shanting is so in love with him, but I think he's terrifying. Shan Ting could be considered to have deep affection for him and had saved his life. However, because he didn't like her, he could call her over and over again. From a certain perspective, I sympathized with Shan Ting. Although Luo Feng was very outstanding and treated people well, that depended on his mood.
Ever since I understood what happened to Shanting, my good impression of him was slowly disappearing. The little bit of hope I had left was slowly disappearing as we tortured each other.
Perhaps someone would ask, what about Lu Yang? Actually, no matter how long Lu Yang had lied to me, I wouldn't be too angry. After all, I knew his motive from the beginning. He lied to me, but he never exposed me. I can understand that he didn't want to hurt me. Although he did it on purpose, it wasn't intentional.
Where was Luofeng? He was selfish. For my sake, he could ignore Shanting's feelings without hesitation and force her to act in front of me. His kindness was very selfish. I think most people can't take it either. Only Shanting. Perhaps she really cares about him deep down.
I've never cared so much about someone before. My care is selfish. I don't want to get involved with any impurities. I cared about Luo Feng, but he disappointed me time and time again. He had cared about Lu Yang, but he had finally broken through that layer of window paper. I'm essentially the same kind of person as Luo Feng, very selfish.
My selfishness did not allow me to trust either of them, but if I had to choose, I would rather choose Lu Yang. However, I knew that I cared more about Luo Feng.
The betrothal was between me and Luo Feng. No matter how much I didn't want to, it was already an established fact.
I knew that since I had a relationship with him, I had to face many people and many things, especially at this time when school was about to start. However, I never expected that the first person to come to me would not be Lu Yang or Shanting.
It was very hot. I hid at home for a few days. I was going to go out and buy some ice to eat, but I saw Yu Li at the door.
"Ran Ran, long time no see!" She was still smiling brightly.
"Sigh! It's been a while. How are you?”I felt a little unnatural. It had indeed been a while since I left.
She nodded. "It's pretty good."
"You, are you looking for me?" I asked hesitantly.
"It's nothing. I just have something to give you!”He handed her an exquisite box.
I didn't stretch out my hand. I was very confused, but I could roughly guess what was going on.："I won't take it. Take it back!”
Yu Li only smiled sweetly. Seeing that I wasn't willing to accept it, she retracted her outstretched hand. "It's okay. I'm only responsible for sending it over. It's your business whether you accept it or not.”
She turned around and was about to leave.
"Send him a message!" I called Yu Li. Looking into her eyes, he could not bear to see her. "Take care!"
Yu Li smiled and left.
I stood rooted to the ground, crouched down, and hugged myself as I cried.
Was it reluctance? " I don't know, but I know that Lu Yang is leaving. He came back for me, but I still can't let it go. What's the point of him staying?"
I can't accept his gift, just like the postcard. It's not that I'm stingy, but I'll have more to worry about if I accept it. Since we can't be good friends anymore, why worry about it?
I believe that Lu Yang should be very clear about our stand. He had always been at odds with Luo Feng, and because of me, he became even more hostile. He also knew that I hated lying the most. Since I had already stabbed him, there was no going back.
He had to leave eventually.
I happened to hear from his classmates that Lu Yang's departure was not as simple as going to junior high school. Because of his excellent results, he was chosen to go to a key middle school in the city. Su Xiao would also transfer with him, which meant that the whole family would move.
He came back this time because his parents couldn't persuade him. He came back under the guise of going back to his hometown to visit his grandparents just to say goodbye to me. However, he did not expect Su Xiao to follow him back as soon as he returned.
It just so happened that he heard that Luo Feng hit me when he came back. I was in a bad mood, so he found me at the tree-planting slope. I was happy, really happy. He had also planned to get over the hurdle in his heart and start anew, but who knew that such a heart-wrenching scene would happen.
It was painful, but he didn't know who to hate. Shanting? Blame her for being scheming? Or Su Xiao? Blame her for being too petty? Luofeng? Blame him for being unreasonable? Or Lu Yang? Blame him for not coming back? None of this is true. I should blame myself. He should never have provoked these two outstanding people, and he should not have cared about them. Now that Lu Yang had left, and Luofeng was hot and cold, he had asked for it.
I didn't know how long I cried, nor did I know when Luofeng arrived. I was still crying, but he didn't have the slightest pity. He practically dragged me into the house.
When I met my mother in the living room, she simply greeted me and pulled me straight into the room. He became more and more unscrupulous. He closed the door and threw me on the rattan chair with all his might. It hurt.
I was shocked. His attitude showed that he was very angry now. I suddenly remembered that he had lost his temper for no reason last time by the stream. I was a little scared and instinctively wanted to find a place to hide.
He locked down my shoulders, making me unable to move. I averted my swollen eyes and stopped struggling, allowing him to manipulate me.
He squatted down and looked at me for a long time. Just as I thought I was about to get angry, he just sighed helplessly."Why are you always like this?" The hands grabbing my shoulders couldn't help but tighten.
The pain made me feel his anger very clearly, but he restrained himself. I looked at him proudly.”It was emotionless.
He suddenly pushed me away. I don't know if it was because he used too much force or because I sat firmly, but the rattan chair was pushed far away. He looked at me angrily and sneered.
After I stabilized myself, I still smiled calmly, whether it was a smile or a bitter smile.
"You always say that I don't have a heart, but you're the one who doesn't.”He spoke calmly with his back to me.
I acquiesced.
After a long time, his empty voice sounded in the room again."Heh, acquiesced? That's true. Anyway, you'll never be able to keep it warm. How could a person without a heart care?”I don't know if it's my imagination, but I feel a faint sadness.
When she looked up and saw his back, her heart ached again. She couldn't even bear to see him leave. I don't like this feeling. I don't like to be tied down or even controlled by others. I forced myself not to care about him. Some injuries were naive to be hurt once, but I was unwilling to be hurt twice. I must not be hurt a third time. A third time was stupid.
"It's none of your business whether I have a heart or not!”
He turned his head back, still wearing a cold expression, but it was filled with disappointment. "Since it's none of my business, why did you try so hard to get close to me and then abandon me?" he scolded angrily. Do you care about him that much? If you care about him, why are you using me as a shield? Do you care about me? Why did he have to be so cold in front of me and even cry for him several times?”
After saying that, Luo Feng's face was covered in tears, and he sat paralyzed on the ground. I've never seen him like this. No matter how sad he was in the past, he wouldn't be in such a sorry state.
Although I was surprised, I was still very cruel and didn't explain.
Actually, Luo Feng was the one who saw it the most clearly. He was right. I tried every means possible to get close to him. When he cared about me, I blamed him for lying and left him. Lu Yang was just a tool for me to escape from him. It's just that I've calculated everything and missed out on the fact that people have feelings. At least in the process of getting along with Lu Yang, I gave my heart without realizing it. When I realized it, I racked my brains to escape.
"Everyone thinks that I'm being cold or that Lu Yang is going overboard? In fact, everyone is being played by you.”He looked at me coldly.
The words had already been pointed out, so there was no need to hide it. He raised his head proudly and looked at him, saying coldly,"Is that so? So what?"
"How is it? How was it? Haha…how is it?" He hugged his head, crying and laughing, repeating it over and over again. He didn't know if he was asking me or himself.
I wanted to go up and comfort him, but I couldn't take that step.
"Xiran, have you ever cared about me?”After half a day, Luo Feng asked me this question.
I didn't answer.
He got up and walked out of the room without looking back.
Have you ever cared about me?" After Luo Feng left, his words echoed in my ears. I asked myself as I cried and laughed.
Maybe I really never cared about anyone else. I only cared about myself. However, it didn't seem to be the case in my heart. I was afraid that Luo Feng would be disappointed and sad, but the words I said would hurt others and myself. It was the same for Lu Yang. I clearly didn't want to hurt him, but after hurting him, I used him as an excuse to escape.
Did I ever care about them? Was there? Then why can't I admit it? No? Then why do I feel heartache and sadness?
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