I wrote you this letter just to say goodbye to you. But I was afraid that if you knew, the things that I had already let go of would be entangled in my heart again. Xin Lan, making you sad is the last thing I want to see and the last thing I want to think about. But I still owe you a farewell. By the time you read this letter, you might have already received the college admission letter, and I would have already gone to find my mother. I'm very clear about my current situation. I can't wait until summer, and I can't wait for you to get the notice. Xin Lan, don't be sad when you see this letter. I'm with my mother. You should be happy for me. I promise you, every spring when the azalea blooms, I will walk into your dreams to see you.
Xin Lan, I have missed many opportunities to say goodbye to you. This time, please forgive me for saying goodbye to you in a letter. I still remember that I once said that a lifetime is actually very short, so short that I don't have enough time to love you in this lifetime, so I promise you that I will continue to love you in my next life. I can't accompany you in the future, but I will remember my promise. No matter where I am, I will always protect you. I know that one day in the future, there will be someone who can give you happiness. He will take care of you for the rest of your life. But if there is a next life, I will still choose to meet you and fulfill the promise I made in this life.
Xin Lan, you still have a long future ahead of you. A long time will slowly heal the pain I've caused you. A long time will slowly make you forget that I once existed. Even if I had complained about fate, I was still grateful to the heavens for allowing me to meet you in the vast sea of people. Xin Lan, thank you for leaving a beautiful color in my gray life and making my life complete.
Silence is the end of the line
Lin Xinlan could no longer describe the feeling of heartache. She was already used to those heavy and thorny things pressing on her heart. She did not need to move, and they could take her life at any time.
"Mo Jingcheng, you big bastard, how can you be so cruel? How could you leave without my permission? How could you abandon me without caring about my feelings? You lied to me for so long and made me an idiot for so long. You still want me to forgive you. How can I forgive you? I will never forgive you! I will never forgive you!”She leaned against his tombstone and sobbed, but no matter how much she complained, the people underground would never hear it.
"Mo Jingcheng, how could I forget you? You left me for so long. I didn't care about anything every day. I studied hard and tried my best to forget you. I thought that I would completely forget you by studying hard every day, but do you know that I just didn't want to admit that you appeared in my mind every day? I didn't want to admit that I always thought of you. Even when you and Xiaoyue betrayed me so cruelly at that time, I still loved you. You know, I've always been very competitive. I'm not willing to put down my stance and make peace with Xiaoyue. I don't dare to ask teacher how you're doing. Mo Jingcheng, if you wanted me to regret it, congratulations. You did it. I regret it to death now. If I hadn't been so self-righteous and arrogant at that time, I would have discovered your illness and faced it with you. But, Mo Jingcheng, why do you look down on me? What makes you think I can't accept it? Who are you to make decisions for me? You still owe me so much time. How can you leave so irresponsibly?”
"I've already received the university admission letter. School will start in a while. But I wasn't excited at all. Xiao Yue is gone, you are gone forever, and the people I care about have all left me. Are you all punishing me? Xiaoyue left. I don't even know where she went. I couldn't forgive myself for neglecting her for so long. It wasn't easy for me to convince myself that if fate brought us together, we would meet again. At that time, I would never give up on her. But now, how do you want me to accept the fact that you won't come back? Mo Jingcheng, you're really cruel. Even if it's not for me, you have to think about Auntie and Uncle Shen. They love you so much. How can you bear to abandon them?”
The sky was getting darker and the entire cemetery was especially quiet. The cuckoo planted beside the tombstone rustled in the wind. There were no flowers in this season, only leaves and branches. She kept talking and crying until she was finally tired of talking and crying. She leaned against his tombstone and fell into a deep sleep.
In the small courtyard of the Lin family, the garden was filled with verdant scenery. The crystal clear grapes on the grape racks were even more attractive under the faint light. The lush branches and leaves of the lampstand tree swayed gently in the breeze. Summer cicadas lay on the lampstand tree pole and sang. The small vegetable garden and the small insects in the flowers also played along. This should be a very pleasant dusk. However, something big happened to the Lin family that shocked the police station and the entire town. Lin Xinlan went missing.
Du Qinru was sitting under a lampstand tree, looking at the grape rack with melancholy. Lin Xinlan had been missing for three whole days. She had been silent ever since she came back from City G. Du Qinru had found out the reason from the blue notebook. Although she was Lin Xinlan's mother, she could not comfort her. She knew that Lin Xinlan had always been strong and would get better after a while, but she did not expect that she would disappear on the first day of her return. Until now, there was no news of her. They had already called the police and the neighbors had also helped to search for her. They had searched all the places that they should, but they still could not find any trace of Lin Xinlan. The only clue was the blue notebook, but Du Qinru only knew about the existence of Silent Cheng.
Zhou Zhiwei rushed back the day after Lin Xinlan went missing. He went to the place where Lin Xinlan used to go to look for her, but there was no news.
Knowing that Du Qinru had been missing food and tea because she was looking for Lin Xinlan, Zhou Zhiwei specially made some porridge and brought it to her.
"Auntie, you should at least eat some. Xin Lan will be fine.”
"How can I eat? It's been three days and there's no news at all. Zhiwei, do you think something happened to Xin Lan? What if something really happened?”Du Qinru's heart was in her throat again when she thought of the possible accident that might happen to Lin Xinlan.
"No, no, Auntie. Xin Lan is so sensible. How could she leave you and Uncle Lin behind? She would be fine. She would definitely return safely. Auntie, eat something first. You'll have the strength to wait for Xin Lan after you're full. I think Xin Lan must want to be alone for a while. When she thinks things through, she'll come back on her own.”He said it to comfort Du Qinru, but it was also to comfort himself. He couldn't find her. He looked for her in many places, over and over again, but Lin Xinlan seemed to have vanished into thin air.
If it was not for Lin Xinlan's disappearance, Zhou Zhiwei would not know that he knew so little about Lin Xinlan. He would not even be able to contact Lin Xinlan's best friend. Or rather, he did not know who Lin Xinlan's classmates or friends were. Zhou Zhiwei felt that this lack of understanding was both hateful and ridiculous. He had always thought that he had grown up with her and that no one in the world knew her better than him. It turned out that time could really change many things.
The sky in July was very beautiful. There was not a trace of extra color in the blue sky. Where was the sunlight? There was no sunlight in this small space. It should be early morning, and the sun had not come out yet. However, it could also be dusk and the sun had already disappeared into the horizon.
Lin Xinlan woke up in a patch of grass, surrounded by withered azalea bushes. She didn't know how long she had been here, but she remembered that she had wanted to come here ever since she came back from City G. This was her own heaven, a heaven without him. However, this seemed to be the place where the dream began. His soul should be here. That was what she thought.
She looked at the familiar surroundings. The seasons changed, and all the beautiful scenery in her dreams seemed to disappear with his disappearance. However, next spring, the mountains would still be full of flowers, and would he come back?
"Mo Jingcheng, why? Why did you leave me like this? You owe me, how can you leave like this?”She seemed to be able to see the first time he appeared in her dreams. She remembered him. It wasn't a psychological suggestion, nor was it unbelievable. She was so sure that he had been here before, in her young dreams.
Lin Xinlan had never thought that she would meet Zhou Zhiwei when she walked out of the forest. It was almost a momentary surprise. He stood not far in front of her and looked at her with a complicated expression. When Lin Xinlan saw him, her obviously haggard face forced out a smile. Her dry lips parted slightly and her dry voice was a little hoarse.
"Brother Zhiwei, why are you here?”
He had never seen her so pale and powerless. No matter how much he felt for her, when he saw the fragile her still trying to smile at him, he clearly felt the pain in his heart. She was so defenseless. He didn't say a word, but took a big step forward and hugged her tightly in his arms.
Perhaps she had not fully recovered after hiding and recuperating for so many days, but when she received such a stable embrace, Lin Xinlan's strong pretense instantly collapsed. Tears were a symbol of fragility. It was as if they would never run out. Just because of a hug, the dam suddenly burst.
"Brother Zhiwei, what should I do?”
"Xin Lan, I know that you are very sad, but can you not disappear without saying goodbye? Do you know how worried Auntie Du is about you? She has not been eating or drinking for a few days.”
"Is…is my mom okay? I didn't think so much at that time. I just felt so sad and my heart hurt. I wanted to find a place where there was no one to stay for a while. I didn't want to disappear without saying goodbye.”
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