There was a kind of possession in this world called cherishing each other. There was a euphemism that said,'I'm the only one for you'. There was a lingering feeling that without you, I would lose the reason and courage to live. There was a kind of snuggle called never leaving. Also, among the replies on the Internet, the words I want to see and feel the happiest are: "Little brat, I know you!”
"Brother, why are you online earlier than me today?”"You're busy taking care of the shop.”"No way! You're my brother! Little brat, I know you." "Yes! He had logged on early today because of a special matter. Ever since I graduated from university, I've been online early every year.”"You must be waiting to chat with your first love!”"How did you know?" "I guessed it. I'm starting to feel uncomfortable now.”"You can also choose to leave! Anyway, I have a special tolerance for loneliness.”"This is the first time I'm warning you. Don't talk about me leaving so casually like you're farting. Tell me about your first love. Let me see if I should choose to leave.”"Do you really want to hear it? Then I don't think I should hide it from you. I'll send it to your email after I finish writing it.”"Alright! Brother, I won't disturb you anymore. Go ahead and write! Don't delay, you should know, an anxious heart is waiting.”"Yes, other people's first love is sweet, but mine is bitter. Alright, I'll write it down for you right away. I don't have to wait long, because I've just written an article. I'll paste it and send it to you immediately."
'The original intention was formed, but the agreement was not written.'
There is a stone inkstone on my desk. It has been there for nearly seven years, but I have never used it. He had never poured a drop of ink into it, but he often rinsed and wiped it. In order to keep it clean and not be invaded by dust. It's not because this inkstone is precious, but because of its origin, I can't bear to use it. What I'm using now is a copper inkstone, which is much more valuable than this stone inkstone. A friend gave it to me, and it's quite old. Other than its origin, it was much more valuable than this inkstone in every aspect. However, it was precisely because of the origin of this inkstone that he felt that it was much more precious than the other inkstones. And I never allowed anyone to touch it or even touch it.
Time had stirred up the passion of the years, and youth had joined hands with romance. In the vast sea of people, there were always some unexpected encounters, but they were better than those that had been promised. At that age, when we had pursuits and aspirations, we met in an unknown school in the north. Four years of being classmates had allowed us to know each other for four years. However, there was an extremely ordinary one for about a year. It was so ordinary that it was like the morning glory that could be seen everywhere in that place in summer. There was nothing particularly worthy of nostalgia and memories. However, there was also a period of about three years that would never be forgotten.
The exact time was a little blurry in my memory, but I could still remember it clearly and accurately. It was when we were both in our sophomore year. It was an afternoon not long after school started and I was enjoying the fun of sports on the basketball court. You walked over and waved at me. I walked over reluctantly and asked you: "Are you calling me?" You said,"Yes." At that time, you didn't seem to be dressed in any special way. It was a set of blue sportswear, which was very fashionable in that era. She had a pretty face, and her eyes weren't big but they were bright. She always had a natural smile on her face. Anyway, she felt that this kind of gaze was always very attractive. Her hair was extremely natural and ordinary. It had not been dyed or permed. It flowed down like a waterfall without any decorations. But at that time, I felt that this girl was very cute. Perhaps something was going to happen. I don't know why, but I immediately felt nervous. He seemed a little awkward and restrained as he asked,"Is there something you need from me?" " Mm."" What do you have to say? If I can help, I'll definitely help you." I'm from the Chinese department. I want to treat you to a movie." This was the most common way to invite people who had a good impression of them in the university. As long as one's intelligence was decent, anyone could foresee what was going to happen. Then I'll go change my clothes. It's so embarrassing; I'm soaked in sweat." "There's no need. The movie will be released in twenty minutes.”I remembered that I found an excuse that wasn't an excuse at all, but that excuse was very laughable at that time. Even now, when I think about this, I often laugh secretly. " Then don't look. There's no time to buy tickets." You answered confidently,""I've already bought it. You don't have to care about anything. It's just a matter of whether you agree or not. I'll treat you to dinner tonight. Is that okay?”I replied," Yes, sure. It's just that you're treating me. I'm a little embarrassed." As long as you're willing to go, it'll be the greatest gift to me." Just like that, I carried a perturbed heart and quietly walked side by side with you to the cinema.
When we arrived at the cinema, the movie had already started for a few minutes. Therefore, he did not know the name of the movie. Later, when she came out of the cinema, she found out that it was " The Story of Willow Castle." You asked me,"Was the movie good?" I said,"I don't know." Because I was too nervous, I really didn't know. It felt like one of your hands was grabbing my hand, and your face was pressed against my arm. I was too busy looking at the eyes of the people beside me and suppressing my heartbeat. At that time, my mind seemed to have gone blank and I wasn't in the mood to watch the movie. You giggled and said,"Hehe, I'll tell you!" I didn't look because I was too focused on smelling your sweat." "What's so nice about that? Aren't you afraid that you'll be ruined by the smell?" " Don't be afraid. I think it smells pretty good." Do you like me?" I asked you shyly. When I asked this question, my face felt very hot. It was definitely very red, and its eyes were fixed on the ground beneath its feet. It was so nervous that it had forgotten how to move it. You answered very straightforwardly," It's not that I like you, it's that I love you." Although his voice was very low, I heard it very clearly. I don't know why, but I still remember how I was back then. Why didn't I feel like my head was going to explode when I heard those words? Instead, he felt calm and comfortable. I remember asking,""Your Chinese department has a lot of talented students. Why did you come to my department to look for me?”"Because I've seen one of your calligraphy.'Anhao' was written by you, right?”" Yes, I wrote it."" Later, someone told me which person was you. A girl from your department told me when you were playing basketball. When I saw you for the first time, I felt that you were as dependable as your words.”"When did this happen? Have you been paying attention to me for a long time?" "You can say yes, but you can also say no. At that time, I only wanted to get to know you. When I really got to know you, I didn't have any special feelings. Later, I saw an article you wrote in the school newspaper,'A strong man may not be unsentimental, but a loyal minister's stupidity can harm the country'. I feel that your article is a mixture of passion and romance, as well as gentleness and ambition. Only then did I feel that you are quite mysterious. Because in my mind, it should always be our Chinese department that occupies the front page.”I simply replied,"Yes, because the people in the Chinese department are generally more romantic, eloquent, and very good at writing."”"Maybe, but your other essay on admiring peach blossoms in spring paid attention to the tree. It was even more romantic than our Chinese department's essay!”I laughed out loud when I heard that because I was writing a dog lying under a tree, staring at the tree without blinking. "Do you think I'm writing about people? Actually, I wrote a dog." You smiled and replied,"It's because you wrote about dogs that I feel your romance." Because this article caused a sensation among the girls in our Chinese department. Everyone said that this article was original and unexpected.”I mischievously replied,"Fortunately, you didn't know me at that time. If you knew me, you wouldn't think that I was writing about you, right?"”You stood on your tiptoes and gently pinched my nose, but with too much tenderness, you said,"Why are you so bad?" I also lightly scratched your nose: "I knew it long ago. I knew I was bad.”
I really don't remember if you were the one who treated me to dinner, but I'm sure you were. Because I didn't have any pockets on my clothes at that time, I was sure that I didn't bring money. I forgot what I ate because I had a big appetite at that time. You might have heard about it from others. So, I want a lot of food, but I'm afraid you'll laugh at me for eating too much. Therefore, he would look up at you from time to time. And every time I look up at you, I realize that you're not eating at all. You're watching me eat. I ask you,"Why aren't you eating?”。You smiled and replied,"Watching you eat is much better than eating!"”This increased my nervousness, so that meal should be the most tasteless meal I've ever eaten.
After that, we were like others, having romantic longing for love, having the passion to hold hands, and having long kisses under the moon. But it was always much less than other lovers, because in your heart, you were always unwilling to waste too much of my time. You always think that my time should be spent with words. Therefore, sometimes, when I feel really bored or tired. When I go to your dormitory to look for you, you will say that you don't have time to accompany me. Because you have to wash my clothes and your own clothes. He told me to go back to the dormitory to read and write something. Even if she didn't want to write, she could just scribble. And every time you send me clothes, you will take away my scribbles. You said you liked it the most. That was the voice that came from the depths of my heart. It was only later that I realized that you did that to encourage me. As time passed, I gradually realized that you had time, but it wasn't that you didn't have time to accompany me. I'll ask you,"Since you have time to chat with me and walk around, why do you say you don't have time? And you even want to wash my clothes? I know how to do it myself because I started to do it and cook when I was very young.”Guan 'er smiled,"If I only said that I didn't have time and didn't help you wash your clothes, I was afraid that you would think that I was with someone else and consume your energy."”Such a simple answer, but it deeply elaborated on your principles as a person and your kindness and delicacy. I also swore in my heart that I would give you happiness in the future and love you well.
The feeling affected his mood, and joy beat in his heart. Romance wasn't just the fragrance of flowers and the moonlight, and tenderness wasn't just the whispers of hugging each other. It was the only feeling and expression. The kindness in her heart and her thoughtfulness were even more touching. It could also deeply extend the feeling to one's heart.
You were the one who took the initiative when we first met, but I always took the initiative in our future meetings. Moreover, there weren't many times when he could get his wish, and he would often use all kinds of excuses and reasons to shirk it. However, every time she stood me up and gave me a far-fetched excuse, I didn't suspect anything. It made me understand your good intentions even more deeply. You wanted to make your possessions better than others. You wanted the one in your palm to be more wonderful than the one in others 'palm. Because I clearly remember one time when I knocked on your dormitory door, you asked,""Who is it?" I didn't answer. When you opened the door and saw that it was me, you narrowed your eyes excitedly and revealed a faint smile. The corners of your eyes immediately hung sparkling tears of happiness. Moreover, it was the kind of tears that hung from the corners of her eyes when she smiled. This was probably what people often described as a pear blossom drenched in rain! Was it because he was surprised, or was he really crying tears of joy as people said? Now that I think about it, it's impossible for me to feel that it was an accident, because I often went to look for you. I asked you,"What's wrong? Are you sick?"”。You shook your head, bit your lips, and replied gently,""No, I missed you." "Then go and find me!" Your answer was,"My father said that if you really like a man, you must always leave a clean and quiet space in his heart, so that he can have peace of mind alone."”"Then even if you don't go and look for me, don't hold it in by yourself. What if you get sick from holding it in?”Your answer is still your father's words: "My father said that you are an outstanding person. If you have the opportunity in the future, your future will be very good. Let me not disturb you too much. If I really love you, I will create more time for you to study and not waste more of your time. You said that your father also said that if you give me enough time now, we will be happy for a longer time in the future, a long time without regrets and loss.”
During the three years we held hands, you let me fully read your gentleness, let me carefully taste your kindness, and let me deeply understand the purity of your heart and your persistence for that sacred love. There was no doubt, nor was there any imaginary hope. For the sake of the sacredness of love, he had never been lost or hesitant. In the two and a half years that we had walked hand in hand, we had never been like other lovers. Today, because of a word of disagreement, the flames of passion burned. Tomorrow, because of a promise that didn't come to fruition, she would shed tears. You always showed me your gentleness, your understanding. Your phrase 'a little bird relying on someone is always better than the bombardment of thousands of troops and horses' always reflects a very profound philosophy of life. Your words,'You are so outstanding, I can only hold you firmly in my hands, let the silk rope of love tie your heart, and use the gentleness of a woman to move you. I can't use my rudeness and insolence to force you out of my palm and then give you to someone else obediently. Because my hand slipped, perhaps many people would sense your excellence from me and would jump for joy as they stretched out their hands to catch you.'That's why you've always been humble to me and have never shown the slightest bit of anger or dissatisfaction in front of me.
Time flew by. It was three months before we graduated, which was probably in April. Because my father suddenly fell ill, or as people often say, half-paralyzed. Because of this, I applied for leave from school. Due to the urgency of the matter and the sudden incident, I didn't let you know and disappeared from school. Since communication wasn't very developed at that time, it was indeed because things happened a little too suddenly. I disappeared from your sight for nearly two months without you being mentally prepared. Two months later, when I return to school, I really want to see you as soon as possible. When I anxiously went to your dormitory to look for you, the result was that your dormitory mate said that you were on an IV drip in the school's infirmary. I ran over and saw you. But the feeling I got was heartbreak, a feeling of heartbreak that was close to collapse. Because your eye sockets are sunken, your face is haggard, and your face has turned from a white and tender pink to a yellow color. The pair of bright eyes that always had a smiling expression also showed a kind of anxiety and confusion. I immediately realized something. I asked you, what's wrong? You didn't say anything. You still smiled faintly, and then there were tears in the corners of your smiling eyes. You said, I miss you. I sat on the bed and you immediately hugged me and cried. You blame me for not telling you when I left, making you anxious and worried. I gently patted your back, wiped away your tears, and comforted you. You immediately smiled. She said that you'll be fine once I'm back and that you'll be fine soon. After another three days, you stopped taking the drip, and the color gradually recovered. After about a month, you finally recovered the skin color that I wanted to see and admire the most. You gradually picked up the smile on your face all day long.
You asked me out for dinner again, and it was at night. Because you knew about my family situation at that time. My father was sick. So no matter how I explained, you said that you had to pay because this might be the last meal we had together. But this time, you didn't even move your chopsticks and just watched me eat. I asked you,"Why aren't you eating?”Your answer is,"I'm happier watching you eat than eating by myself. Besides, you eat so much. I don't want to snatch it from you."”I really believed it then, and foolishly thought you were referring to the last dinner we had together at school.
On the night of the 3rd of July, you asked a male student in our class to send me a stone inkstone with a note: "I'm leaving, don't think about me. I hope time can weaken your longing for me, but time can heal your heart.”I asked my classmate, where are you? My classmate replied that you left and that you asked him to give me this time. When I saw it, I understood everything because your train had already left for nearly two hours. But you promised me to send you off. Then, I settled the registration procedures and went home to arrange the family matters. Then, I went to report to you. You said that your father had already settled all the procedures for me. But you left alone and left behind such words. Could it be that you've been lying to me for so long? In my anger, I threw this inkstone. But ten minutes later, a female classmate from my class came to look for me. Moreover, this female classmate was my hometown. He also gave me a stone inkstone. It was yours, and there was a note on it: "I knew you would break the first inkstone because I know your personality too well. I'm afraid you won't forget me for the rest of your life. This is your advantage, but also your fatal flaw. That's why I bought two of them. They're identical. Because I don't want to lie to you, and I'm not lying to you. I really love you. I love you very, very deeply. It could even be said that if I had to exchange my life for yours, I wouldn't hesitate. I knew you would do the same, so I wanted you to hate me and let me leave you alone with a clear conscience, but I couldn't bear to lie to you. So I hesitated for a moment and bought a second one, asking someone you trust to give it to you. I've hidden a lot of things from you in the two months you've been home. Two weeks after you returned home, I suddenly felt unwell. I thought it was because I couldn't see you getting angry, so I didn't care. After that, his body became weak and he felt extremely tired. I went back to my hometown and went to the hospital. The doctor said that I had hepatectomy. Because you're the only child in the family, I don't want to burden you. But I didn't want you to know the truth, so I came back a month earlier than you. I don't want you to be in pain and worry for me during the last period of time we're together. I don't want you to be sad because you hate me or love me, so I'm telling you the truth now. Similarly, I'm the only child in my family. My parents 'hearts are about to break when they find out. However, they all held back their tears. She even comforted me every day and said that I would get better. I knew that they didn't want me to suffer too much, so I could only force a smile and leave them a little more happiness. I've already made the people closest to me grieve to the extreme. I also want to walk the final journey of my life in front of my parents and with you by my side. Under the watchful eyes of my parents, I'll leave safely in your arms. However, if that's the case, I'll be too selfish. I must not leave the person I love the most with pain and regret that I will never be able to erase. Also, I need to tell you that my father has already changed his profession. You don't need to know where you are. I hope time can heal the pain in your heart, and I hope memories can fade your longing. I took away the words you hung on the wall. It's the 'Anhao' painting. I like these two words, and I like the two words even more,'Peace be with you, and may you take care along the way'. In the future, find a good woman to replace me and let her take care of you. Then, I'll be at ease." This note doesn't have your usual habit of leaving a note. It always says 'Goodbye, I miss you'. Nothing this time. Nothing this time.
Such an incident, such a sudden incident, really made my mind go blank. Moreover, the buzzing sound lasted for about ten minutes. I was speechless. I stood there in a daze, motionless, my face pale. My fellow countrywoman was scared silly. Of course, these were all told to me by my hometown.
At that time, my heart was filled with regret, self-blame, and an unspeakable anger. That night, I found a place where few people went and bought a bottle of wine. I drank half of the bottle and spilled half of the bottle. He beat his head, blaming himself for being stupid, scolding himself for being stupid, and blaming himself for being slow to react. Why didn't I think of the dinner you mentioned that time? You said it before, that was the last time we had a meal together. Why didn't I react? Why did I calmly treat this as your usual behavior? What if I don't put up a good fight and force myself to pay for you? Why didn't I notice your abnormality when I first saw you when I returned to school? What if I asked you about your illness in time and let me spend more time with you and give you more happiness in life? But now, in this foreign land, I was left alone, facing everything in front of me in a daze. Facing everything that had become irreparable.
They had known each other for four years and held hands for three years. At the most romantic age of life, at the most emotional stage of life. It was always you who left too much happiness for me while you endured the silent pain alone. She always thought too much for me, and she had to bear all the longing and loneliness alone.
Your understanding of me, your sacrifices for me, and your pain of bearing all the loneliness and loneliness by yourself. In front of you, I always feel at ease and a very stable joy. Holding your hand, I can always experience your gentleness in the palm of my hand. Looking into your eyes, I can always taste your purity and kindness in your happy and happy tears. Looking at your long hair that was blown away by the wind, I can always feel your vitality and arrogance. And now, everything I have made it impossible for me to connect with the unbroken connection I had in the past.
Time passed through the shallow waters of time, and time also piloted the sailing ship of fleeting years. Even now, I still can't forget your smile. In my leisure time, I still see your face often. The inkstone was still placed in front of me. I only wiped it from time to time and never used it. Because I was afraid that a drop of ink would dye your purity, and I was afraid that if the inkstone was filled with thick black ink, I would forget your departure and leave me with regret.
You left, you filled your heart with pain and left. And leave loneliness forever in one's heart. When you left, your original intention was to turn the sleepless thoughts into tears and swallow them silently alone. But after so many years, every time I see this inkstone, I still want to go back to the year we met. If I can hold time with my hands, if I can wake up the slumbering fleeting years with my painstaking efforts. I will let the spring breeze grow, let the peony bloom all year round, and never let it only bloom in that early and cold spring. I will never taste the endless longing for you alone. I will let God weave everything into a colorful flower basket and place it in front of you forever. Let you always reveal a bright smile, let the youthful face forever stay in your heart. Let the corners of your eyes always gently curve upwards, with sparkling and translucent tears hanging. Let the fireflies make a knot and tie up your long hair like flowing clouds. Let your youth always be like a butterfly, dancing in front of me. In your heart, there will always be light, no longer a trace of complex darkness and emotional gloom.
If you could stand in front of me today, I would definitely fill this inkstone with ink. Then, he used a pen to solemnly write down the word 'promise' to make up for what he had done in the past. Why did we only know to conclude a good original intention and not consider writing a very friendly agreement for our future?
Later on, it was also the era when I searched everywhere. Until now, I have never thought of starting a family, because I always feel that I can't erase my longing for you from my life. Because I remember that at that time, other than liking my words, you also loved listening to Teresa Teng's songs. So whenever someone imitates Teresa Teng's songs, I'll add them as friends to see if it's you. However, I knew very well in my heart that all of this was only a possibility. Because they had asked countless times, they did not know that the first inkstone that was broken was a knot in their heart, and the inkstone that was kept was a longing. However, I still hope that there will be a chance for you to come to me and lean on my chest. We can write down the word 'promise' together.
For some reason, I dream of you every year on this night. You still smile so sweetly. But you didn't wait for me to wake up from my dream and left again. Therefore, I wanted to name this article as " The original intention was concluded, but the agreement was not written."
"I've sent it over. Take your time! You can make many choices because you have the right to choose. To be honest, it's impossible for me to forget her.”"I'm looking at it. I haven't finished reading it yet. Please wait a moment. I'll post whether I'm leaving or staying.”"I've finished reading it. Now I can express my opinion. I've decided to stay and accompany you. I decided to be the good woman she said I would be.”"Will you allow me to have another woman in my heart?”"This, I can tell you with certainty that I can. But did she leave you just because of her liver disease?”"Yes! No, because I know better than anyone that she is…But I don't want to write that in my heart. Because I still had hope that a miracle would really appear in this world. Moreover, my heart was filled with regret. She was so perfect, but why didn't I know where she was at the last moment? It was precisely because of this. I will never forgive myself. Because I knew that at that special moment, she needed me very much. She had no choice but to endure a painful torture. Until the last moment of her life, the person she wanted to see the most was still me. Why didn't I let her hold my hand and hear me say 'I love you' at her last moment?”"Oh! Brother, cheer up! She doesn't want to see you depressed all day. I just want to tell you that holiness is the best way to close the distance between hearts. Only purity can make people infatuated.”"Yes, I have to pull myself together. Life has to continue.”"I'm willing to let half of your heart be filled with her, and the other half with your concern for me.”
There were no permanent secrets in anyone's heart. However, there was a kind of pain in everyone's heart that they were unwilling to mention to others. Everyone had a lofty and holy image in their hearts, and they would never allow others to slander them. Everyone had an idol in their heart, one that they yearned for and reminisced about. Anyone, male or female, as long as they were willing to reveal the secrets hidden in their hearts at an appropriate time. In that case, this person was preparing to empty his inner world and protect and accommodate you with all his heart and soul.
This book comes from：m.funovel.com。