fifteen
1
The moment he finished, Wen Xuan felt extremely tired. He yawned and sat down on the porch before he could properly examine the finished product. He felt his entire body sinking, his bones softening, his body weakly collapsing and spreading out. He felt like he was about to turn into a puddle of cold water, pass through the gaps between the bamboo boards, flow to the ground, seep into the soil, and completely disappear. He tried to raise his hand, rub his eyes, and walk out of the tired illusion. However, his hands were still hanging between his shoulders, as if they had already left the mother's body and were not controlled. He rolled his eyes, unable to support his drooping eyelids. He blinked and saw Xi 'er standing at the side, looking at him.
Sunlight shone down from the eaves and onto the porch. He kept looking at Xi 'er and felt that she was emitting a gentle light. Her shadow was elongated and fell to one side, sticking close to the wooden porch. He moved his fingers and touched the edge of the shadow.
Xi 'er lowered her eyelids and said with a smile,"You're tired."
Wen Xuan moved his lips, unable to understand her smile at the moment. Xi 'er also looked tired in Wen Xuan's eyes. Actually, at this moment, the entire world in Wen Xuan's eyes seemed exhausted. His eyelids drooped down, covering the last bit of light. He fell asleep.
After a long time, Wen Xuan woke up in the night. He moved his body and woke Xi 'er up.
"It's so late!" Wen Xuan stood up and looked up at the stars in the sky.
Xi 'er took off the blanket and turned to look at the back of Wen Xuan's room before standing up as well. She turned on the light on the porch and watched as Wen Xuan emerged from the darkness, holding a canoe with both hands.
"It's so late. Let's go tomorrow.”Xi 'er said.
"I'm afraid I won't make it in time." Wen Xuan said.
Xi 'er went down the porch and stood behind Wen Xuan. She looked up at the canoe that was held high above her head like an umbrella.
"You can go back now. I'll be back soon." Wen Xuan said.
"I'll go wherever you go." Xi 'er said. She took out the kerosene lamp hidden under the porch and lit it up in her hand. She looked up at Wen Xuan. Yellow flames danced in the glass lamp shade and flashed into her eyes. She stared at him with her sparkling eyes without saying a word.
"Alright, you go in front." Wen Xuan said.
Xi 'er held the lamp and ran quickly in front. The beach was pitch black. She left the courtyard and walked towards the beach. Wen Xuan followed behind him, watching her long hair fall to her waist. She lowered her head and watched her shadow drift forward slowly. From behind, Wen Xuan could not tell that she was already pregnant. He lifted the canoe and followed the swaying circle of light on the ground into the beach. Xi 'er stood by the waves, holding a kerosene lamp and looking straight at him. The sea breeze blew her hair into the air.
Wen Xuan placed the canoe at the edge of the waves. One end of the boat had already been hit by the waves and was shaking slightly. Wen Xuan pressed down on the other end of the wooden boat, as if he was tightly holding onto a struggling beast. Wen Xuan squatted down, removed the oar tied to the side of the boat, threw it into the boat, and turned his head to look at the dazzling kerosene lamp.
The sea breeze blew. The kerosene lamp shook in Xi 'er's hand, pulling the circle of light on the ground and causing it to slide around. Xi 'er reached out to hold the kerosene lamp, allowing her long hair to flutter in the wind and hit her face.
Wen Xuan reached out and helped Xi 'er to sit in the canoe. The canoe swayed and stabilized in the ripples. Xi 'er sat on the wooden board and put down the kerosene lamp. She turned her head to see Wen Xuan climb into the canoe and sit opposite her.
"Sit tight. It could fall apart in the water at any time.”Wen Xuan said. He lifted the wood pulp and pushed it into the water. The entire canoe broke through the waves and slid into the sea.
The sea hit the boat and splashed on them. Xi 'er shrieked, grabbed the kerosene lamp, and turned to look behind her.
"It's not too late to regret now. We'll be leaving the shore soon." Wen Xuan said.
Xi 'er watched as the distance between the wooden boat and the shore continued to widen. The shore gradually disappeared in the light. She looked up and saw that the light from the lamp in front of her door was like a small, flickering star. In the end, all the light on the shore was swallowed by darkness. She turned around and felt that the canoe had changed direction.
The canoe was moving alongside the waves as Wen Xuan paddled slowly.
In the darkness, the two of them were surrounded by a ball of light. The flames danced and flashed with a yellow light, causing their faces to blush as if they were burning.
The stars in the sky watched them and discussed in whispers.
Wen Xuan leaned over and inserted the wood pulp into the waves. He pushed it back and stood up to row again. Sweat was dripping down his forehead. Xi 'er glanced at him and smiled, her eyes burning.
The canoe slowly dragged a pale yellow halo as it glided in the dark water.
"I want to try the oars too." Xi 'er said.
"I'm already good at it." Wen Xuan said.
Xi 'er pursed her lips and smiled. She turned her head to look at the few spots of light flashing on the distant sea. A few fishing boats were gathered together, swaying gently with the waves.
Xi 'er raised the kerosene lamp and pointed at the flickering spots on the water surface. She asked,""What's that?"
The light spots were surrounding the canoe. Some were yellow and some were green. They quietly circled the canoe, emitting a faint light.
"That's a squid. Their eyes are glowing." Wen Xuan said.
"Give me the wood pulp." Xi 'er said.
"What are you doing?" Wen Xuan handed over the wood pulp and asked. There was a stream of sweat on his dark neck, shining slightly under the light.
"Shh!" Xi 'er took the wood pulp and gently stirred it in the water.
The light spots flickered and dispersed. But soon, the light spots surrounded the canoe again and flickered under the water.
"That won't do. Let's go fishing next time.”Wen Xuan said.
Xi 'er handed over the wood pulp and said,"Then you can still fish!"”
"We can catch a lot." Wen Xuan said.
A dog's bark came from afar. Xi 'er turned around and saw the village by the coast. The houses built around the mountain were all lit up. Looking from afar, the flickering lights were like stars scattered in the mountains, thinking about the light in the sky, or whispering to old friends, or quietly staring, afraid that the waves would come and extinguish this only light.
The barking grew louder and louder. Someone shouted. The dog purred a few times and seemed to run away. The voice on the shore came over and sank into the dark sea, disappearing.
Xi 'er looked back at Wen Xuan and realized that he had already stopped. He was holding onto the edge of the wooden boat, turning his head to look at the depths of the sea behind her. It was pitch black.
"What's wrong?" Xi 'er asked.
"I just remembered someone." Wen Xuan said.
"Who is it?" Xi 'er asked.
"A person who lives in the past." Wen Xuan said," It's nothing. Or maybe he's asleep too."
Xi 'er pointed at the sky behind him and said,""There's a meteor over there."
Wen Xuan turned around and looked at the resplendent starry sky, saying,""Just a few."
"Yes, I am. It looked as if someone's shoulder had trembled. That thing fell." Xi 'er said.
"I shook my shoulders. Do you think the stars are like something that sticks to your shoulders?”Wen Xuan asked.
"Yeah, it fell so easily.”Xi 'er said.
Wen Xuan flipped the oars and created a curtain of water in the waves. The water slid down gently, glistening as it melted into the surface of the water. He gripped the oar, bent over, and continued to glide.
"Someone's shoulders shook again." Xi 'er said.
"Why didn't I notice that you had these strange thoughts in the past?”Wen Xuan said.
"In the past, I was afraid. Anything could make one feel fear. Except for you." Xi 'er said.
Wen Xuan stopped the oar and looked up at her. The yellow light jumped onto her face and flickered. She only lowered her eyelids slightly and looked in another direction. Specks of light were still surrounding the canoe, flickering under the water. The canoe seemed to be sliding on a patch of light. It was surrounded by a faint light.
"I'm sorry." Wen Xuan suddenly said.
"Why?" Xi 'er asked.
"I didn't save you earlier, I didn't appear in your life sooner. There are many things that I didn't teach you properly. Instead, I pushed you into a pile of books, just like my father did back then.”Wen Xuan said.
Xi 'er turned to look at him with a complicated expression. There seemed to be resentment and unwillingness. She slapped him and silently cried. She sobbed and turned her face away, looking at the light spots floating on the water. Wen Xuan watched every tear that fell from her eyes. They slid down her cheeks and dripped down. She raised her hand and wiped away the tears that gathered on her chin.
"Even if it was the last time I walked out of that house, I would still have that feeling. He thought that it had disappeared. Actually, he didn't. The real disappearance was after you came back from the sea.”Xi 'er said.
Wen Xuan sighed, slid the oar into the sea, and rowed forward.
The canoe cut through the sea and rushed forward, leaving a long line of water. Xi 'er stretched out her hand and dipped it into the cold seawater. She turned around and looked at him. Her eyes were moist from the tears, reflecting a gentle light.
2
The water in front reflected the light. All the light in the town flowed down the streets and poured onto the dock. The light shone on a fishing boat and slid into the silent sea.
The canoe spun into the dock, bathing in the quiet and warm lights of the town, swaying slightly along the waves.
Wen Xuan put away the wet oars, pulled up the rope at the bow, stood up, and jumped onto the shore. He tied the rope to the pillar and reached out to help Xi 'er.
"What if he falls asleep?" Xi 'er asked.
Wen Xuan turned his head and looked at the yellow light in front of the clinic. He said,""Not yet?"
"How did you know?" Xi 'er asked.
Wen Xuan raised his chin at the clinic and led Xi 'er through the quiet and deserted street. They walked to the clinic and knocked. Xi 'er turned around and looked at the dock. There were too many sad memories here, so she did not want to come here. Not far away, a dog barked. Other than that, the town was abnormally quiet. Everything was sleeping.
"Come in."
Wen Xuan pushed the door open and looked inside. The doctor was sitting at the wooden table, looking up to the side. The lamp above his head cast a white light. Mosquitoes buzzed as they circled around. The two beds were empty. The folded blankets were neatly stacked on the bed. Wen Xuan brought Xi 'er in and stood by the table.
"Have a seat." The doctor opened his hand and shook the punch.
Wen Xuan sat on the wooden chair, his hands placed on the shiny glass table. The entire piece of glass was pressed against the wooden table. Through the glass, he could see a few black and white photos under it. A few red and green notes in the upper left corner were also pressed under the glass. He stood up, took the kettle, and poured tea for everyone.
Xi 'er walked to the bedside and sat down. She pinched the white bedsheet and looked up at a small iron window on the wall. A bright red light flashed past, and the past was still vivid in his mind. She turned around and saw the person rushing into the clinic and shouting loudly. Wen Xuan was surrounded and beaten up. He lay on the ground and panted. She jumped off the bed and pleaded. Liu Yongnian came in and dispersed the crowd. He cut off the man's ear and threw it out of the house. A stray dog ran over, bit its bloody ear, and left. Blood bubbles came out of the dog's mouth. Blood bubbles floated up and filled the space. They burst one by one and splattered a wall of blood. Xi 'er couldn't help but tremble. She came back to her senses and turned to look at the three cups of hot tea on the table. The steam rising from the other side soared up. She tried to calm herself down and got out of bed. She picked up a cup of tea and sat down on the bed.
It was late at night, and the barking stopped. The buzzing sound of the tiny object was occasionally visible.
The humid warmth unique to the south was spreading in the air.
The doctor took off his glasses, rubbed his eyes, and squinted at Wen Xuan.
"I thought you had forgotten about me.”the doctor said.
"Didn't you want to see the canoes? It's already done." Wen Xuan said.
"Oh, right. I also forgot. How long has it been?" the doctor asked.
"Half a month." Wen Xuan said.
"So fast? I thought it would take a long time." the doctor said.
"Not fast. He was waiting at the pier outside. Do you want to go and take a look?" Wen Xuan asked.
"Outside. There was no hurry. You parked it outside?" the doctor asked.
" On the dock. It's a canoe." Wen Xuan said.
The doctor nodded and looked at the teacup in his hand."Have some tea!"
Wen Xuan held the teacup and took a sip. The heat wave in the air was annoying. He realized that the window was not open, so he went over to open it. The originally gloomy room seemed to have taken a breather, and a cold breeze blew.
"I thought you weren't coming." the doctor said.
"Didn't you chase him out?" Wen Xuan said.
The doctor nodded, stood up, and turned to open the wooden cabinet behind him. His movements were slow, and his hands were trembling. Although those tremors were so subtle, in Wen Xuan's eyes, they were so obvious that it made one anxious.
"What do you want? Let me help you." Wen Xuan went up and said.
The doctor took out a bunch of old books from the cabinet and placed them on the table. He patted the book to get rid of the dust and sat down. The air was filled with the dust, turning turbid and giving off a musty smell. Xi 'er covered her mouth, tilted her head, and read those old books.
"You came at the right time. Take these books away. Last time, I saw your bookshelf at your house. There was still space there, just enough for these.”the doctor said.
Wen Xuan pulled the pile of books over, patted them, and stared at the books on the spine. There were a few Chinese medicine books inside. The other books were especially special. They were all teaching books published by the People's Medical Press. He didn't know much about medical books, so he quickly glanced through them and realized that they were all in sets. He put down his book and pushed open a few books. He saw some foreign language teaching materials.
"I'm almost in my coffin. I can't possibly carry this book in, right?”the doctor said. He turned to look at Xi 'er, who was sitting on the bed, and smiled. He held the wooden table and walked to the window to look out.
"These can be left for your descendants.”Wen Xuan said.
"They're all in Australia, not coming back.”The doctor said," It's good that you don't come back."
"It's useless to give me such a professional book.”Wen Xuan said.
"Just treat it as helping me. It would be a pity to throw this book away. Putting it in the pile of books could be considered as belonging.”the doctor said.
"These old teaching materials might still have some value. But leaving me, a medical idiot, is useless.”Wen Xuan said.
"Medicine is developing rapidly, and there are many new perspectives. Some of the contents in these books were outdated. Besides, you're blind to medicine. Isn't reading this set of books good for eradicating literacy?" The doctor said," It's a pity to throw these old books away. No one would be willing to accept it. I can only leave it to you."
"Alright then." Wen Xuan said," But I really don't read these books.”
"How long will it take to finish reading? And I might not even be able to understand it." Xi 'er said.
"Actually, you can't. I saw the physics textbook in your closet. To be honest, medical books were much better than physics books.”the doctor said.
"I've also flipped through those teaching materials." Xi 'er said.
"That was left behind by my dad. One of them was written by him. Not long after he finished writing, he fell ill. Those are university textbooks. I can't understand them either.”Wen Xuan said.
"A person who can write teaching materials must be very capable.”the doctor said.
Wen Xuan smiled slightly, thinking of how his father would sit at the table and read when he was alive. His father's head was so close to the desk that it was almost touching it. The broken wooden chair always rattled. The old cat climbed up the narrow wooden window to block the light from entering, and then was waved away by his father.
The doctor turned around and touched his wrinkled forehead. He said to Xi 'er,""Do you remember when you first came? You were pitifully small, dry, and thin on that bed.”
Xi 'er turned her head and looked at another empty bed. In her memory, the bed was spacious, white, and comfortable. Looking at her now, she was so small that an adult could barely turn around after lying down. The bedsheets were thin and yellowed.
"At that time, you were still a little thing. Now, the child in your stomach is about to come out.”The doctor said," It's amazing! Perhaps, life is like this."
Wen Xuan looked up at the doctor. It had only been two weeks, but the doctor seemed to have been seriously ill and had shrunk. At this moment, the doctor was bent over, his withered hands holding the window as he looked at the two of them.
"Actually, at that time, I didn't think that either of you could survive.”the doctor said.
"What?" Wen Xuan asked.
The doctor turned around and looked at the quiet street outside the window. He smiled and said,""Now that you're all sitting here, it reminds me of what happened.”
Wen Xuan lowered his head and rubbed his hands. In his imagination, the blood on the ground slid to his feet and disappeared.
"This is all I can think of when facing you. This is all I can say. My days are drawing near. I know my own physical condition best. I know it's time. At night, I can't close my eyes. Even if it was closed, it would open very quickly. There would always be a moment when he could not open it anymore.”the doctor said.
Wen Xuan placed one hand on the glass table and wiped it. It seemed to be covered in dust. Xi 'er and the doctor both turned their heads and looked at him. It was as if his actions had interrupted their thoughts.
"Let's take a walk on the pier. Look at that canoe." Wen Xuan said.
"Right, that canoe. I almost forgot." the doctor said.
Wen Xuan clenched his fist and knocked on the table, then turned around and walked out. The wooden door creaked open. He stood at the side and looked at the dock, waiting for the doctor to come out. After a while, they lowered their heads and walked through the empty streets. They came to the dock and looked at the row of boats.
"Is it that?" The doctor pointed and asked.
The canoe swayed slightly in the sea. The bow of the ship was raised high.
The doctor supported the iron pillar on the dock and turned around. He sat on the iron pillar and patted his thighs with both hands.""The mention of canoes reminds me of something. You might not know. The Russians originated from the Rossi people. The original meaning of this word was canoeers. I saw this thing once in the southern part of the Soviet Union. In the suburbs between the Dnieper River and the Dniester River. The tree over there had a thick trunk. He just needed to cut it down and hollow out the heart of the tree. I saw them do it. Then, the two of them lifted it up and placed it in the river. Then, they could row. In comparison, yours is considered exquisite.”
"You studied in the Soviet Union?" Wen Xuan asked.
"Just for a while. At that time, it was at the public expense, and the treatment was not bad.”the doctor said.
"At that time, how innocent must you be to be sent outside!”Wen Xuan said.
"Indeed, it wasn't like now. At that time, in the auditorium of Moscow University, the leader even met us and gave us a speech.”the doctor said.
"Those foreign language textbooks are from that society, right?”Wen Xuan said.
"The foreign language at that time was Russian. The long string of words made it seem as if someone was strangling his throat.”the doctor said.
"Is this how you lived during that period?”Wen Xuan asked.
"I don't know where to start.”the doctor said.
"I was just thinking about my father.”Wen Xuan said," Maybe he also studied abroad before.”
"I can't rule out this possibility." The doctor turned around and looked at the dark sea. After thinking for a moment, he said," At that time, I reported a few classmates. One of them committed suicide. I lied then."
Wen Xuan could not believe what he had just heard. No matter how he looked at the doctor beside him, he did not seem like someone who would do such a thing. All this while, although Wen Xuan did not say it out loud, in his heart, doctors had always been people of noble character.
"He's about to die, so there's nothing to hide. From then on, these things were like dust that covered his body and could not be shaken off. I think you will understand." the doctor said.
"I was just talking too much. I just casually asked." Wen Xuan lowered his head and spat into the waves that surged onto the dock.
The doctor looked back at the canoe and said,""The leader spoke in Hunan dialect. Some of the words were not clear. Everyone could only clap their hands and cheer. He said the world was ours. Their hopes are all on us. Everyone was very excited. His palm had already turned red and swollen. Even though it was hurting, she still continued to pat. You are also very easily encouraged inside. At that time, everything was hard to come by, especially for the people. On the other hand, you can't not cherish it. The fear of losing him was enough to break your heart. Maybe it's different from the way people of your generation see things. You might not agree with some of my views. The identity of Liu Sugui was too precious. Even during that period, they would tear you apart from your identity. I lied, and the damage I caused is irreparable. No matter how many people he saved, it was not enough to make up for it.”
"I haven't experienced it myself, so I have no right to comment.”Wen Xuan said.
The doctor reached out and gently held Fu Wenxuan's shoulder, as if he was looking for some kind of psychological comfort, but also as if he was purely looking for support.
"I hope that from now on, you and I will never forget the night outside Moscow.”the doctor said.
"What would it be like at night outside Moscow?”Wen Xuan asked.
"That was a long time ago. I met a ranger during that time. He was old, but you could tell from his eyes and words that he was not simple. His name was Victor, and he used to follow Vlasov during that time. The situation at that time was very special. Near the end of the war. Everything was set in stone. He also saw the ending. In January, he participated in the defense of the army of the country of Dé at the Oder River. His opponent was his Russian-speaking compatriots. At that time, it was snowing heavily, and there was fog everywhere. The Soviets were wearing white winter clothes as they advanced through the flat snow. Their puppet army could see the advancing armored troops from afar. They retreated to a small village. It snowed heavily. The cold wind was bone-piercing. There had been no supplies for many days. Everyone was frozen into a ball. Loud cannon sounds and the sound of mines exploding could be heard from the sky. The bright light was above his head, red and hot. The Soviets launched a wave of attacks. Gunshots rang out. Someone ran into the mound and continued to fight. There were only two people left by his side. One of them had an injured leg and was lying in the snow. The bullet flew over and hit his eye, causing blood to spurt out. The man shouted loudly, his entire face spurting blood.
'Why fight? Hurry up and escape. Victor supported the injured man and stared at his bloody eyes.
" We can't escape. We won't be accepted. It's just a dead end. the man said.
"If I can hold on for a while, then so be it." Victor said.
A cannon was fired. The flames spread in the air. The ball of light dispersed in the heavy snow and fog.
" I've seen this light in Moscow, but it was fireworks.'Half of his face was still bleeding.
"Hurry up and escape." Victor said.
"Run, where to?" the man asked.
"I can live for a while." Victor said.
The man laughed and spat out blood. He looked at the remaining fire in the sky and said,'Everyone around me, everyone I know, died in the great cleansing.'After saying that, he slowly climbed out of the trench, ready to receive the bullets that were like a tide.
Blood bloomed in the snow.
Victor turned his head and saw another person squatting in the snow. He pulled him over and said,"" Let's go while there's still someone to support us.'
The man pushed Victor away and shot himself. In an instant, blood spurted out of his head. He fell into the snow. Victor covered his face, took the gun from the man's hand, and turned to look at the dark forest behind him. There were still people fighting here, but the gunshots had already weakened.
Victor climbed out of the trench. The moment he stood up, a long tongue of flame flashed in the air and spread forward. There were not many people left in the trenches. In addition, the enemy's armored forces were slowly advancing. They had no way out.
Using the light of the fire, he rushed back into the dense forest. As he ran, he thought about where he should escape to. In front, the Soviets were trying their best to break through the frozen river. The engineers were busy repairing the bridge for the army to open up a path for the armored team. If he ran to that side, he would definitely die. Now, the Soviets were accelerating their advance. The German troops in the east were in chaos, and it was time to escape. Therefore, he prepared to escape to the narrow valley in the east.
During the day, he hid in the dense forest and avoided everyone. At night, he sped up and fled into the wilderness, avoiding all the sounds of artillery shells, gunshots, and human voices. He understood his current situation. No one was in complete danger like him. He had become a person without a country or a guardian. In front of him, there was only escape.
Along the way, he hid in the frozen river bed and avoided a group of Soviets.
In one night, he killed a member of the Red Army and a few other Chinese. Taking the pitiful supplies of the deceased, he continued to move forward. Then, he avoided the battle royale and the light.
Finally, he entered a completely dense forest. Heavy snow began to fall. He stepped into the knee-high snow and moved forward mechanically. He did not know what was waiting for him. Death, he thought of this. He had not eaten for a long time. Then, he chose a place to bury himself. He did not want to die on the battlefield because he was not fighting for anything. He was just a scholar who had survived the great purge and was unfortunately involved in the war between the two countries. Everyone he knew was dead. He felt that it was his time. He continued walking forward, bent down, grabbed a handful of snow, and stuffed it into his mouth. His lips were dry and cracked, and blood was already seeping out. Before he could swallow the snow, he fell into the snow. The bare trees above his head stood upright, as if they were people standing on one side, staring at him, waiting for him to die. Snowflakes were still falling. This reminded him of Moscow. Now, he was thinking about his hometown, Moscow. Then, he fainted.
Luck once again fell on his head. In the end, he was saved. A polish woman who lived in the woods saved him. The woman had a three-year-old girl. Her husband had lost his life in the war. Victor had been hiding in the forest, using the name of the dead polish soldier, marrying that woman and raising that girl. Then, he became a forest ranger. Just like that, the past became extremely distant.”
"It's been a long time." the doctor said. He lowered his head and stared at the waves crashing against the shore. The white foam splashed up, fell down, and burst.
The canoe shook its body, poured into the dock, and then retreated, still being pulled by the rope.
"Do you still remember the three months I mentioned to you? There was once a girl. That girl's father was Victor. Before he died, he told me a lot about that great purge and that war. He did not mention how many people had died. In the end, his original family was also destroyed. He did not see the collapse of the Soviet Union. After sacrificing so many people, who would have thought that this would be the result?”the doctor said.
The surging waves almost splashed onto the pier before receding.
"We're here to discuss other people's history, the history of history.”Wen Xuan said.
"That's right." The doctor said," How can the history help? Now that he thought about it, perhaps at that time, some things were destined.”
Wen Xuan looked back at him and didn't say anything. The light above his head flashed but did not go out.
"The reminder this history gave me is that when the time comes, I have to make a choice. I chose to lie for myself." The doctor said," It is very difficult to choose to be a righteous person, but the road to evil is unusually smooth.”
"That was only a certain moment when such a situation occurred.”Wen Xuan said.
"Do you think that it is the moment of history that caused this choice between good and evil?”the doctor said.
"When we narrate certain things, we always deliberately choose stories to support them, don't we?”Wen Xuan said.
"That's right. However, it was indeed because someone had told him about this matter first that later generations started to think about it.”the doctor said.
"You've fixed history at such a special stage.”Wen Xuan said.
"In the long river of history, no period is special. We only opened a small mouth to take a look.”the doctor said.
"Therefore, you will feel that you didn't persist in being kind at that time. You will feel that it is difficult to persist in being kind and that it is impossible to continue. Evil is indeed multiplying." Wen Xuan said.
"I'm not speaking from my own standpoint. However, I really didn't choose to be kind.”the doctor said.
"Think about it, if a person has no country, no home, no relatives, and is even about to lose his life. So what was the meaning of good and evil to him?”Wen Xuan said.
"You went in. You sank in." The doctor said," You see, the world sometimes gives kindness such a harsh environment.”
"You only told me that at a certain moment, the world created an environment that did not allow good to exist.”Wen Xuan said," However, most of the time, kindness can still exist.”
"You just need to take a look at the environment around you.”the doctor said.
Wen Xuan lowered his head and spat out a mouthful of phlegm, looking at the pitch-black sea in the distance.
"Times are different now." Wen Xuan said.
"Indeed. Victor told me his secret before he died. Now that I'm about to die, I'll tell you some things about me and him. That was the history of ordinary people. Maybe it will be helpful to you, or maybe it will be nothing.”the doctor said.
"How many people can make a choice with a clear conscience when they are placed in such a harsh environment?”Wen Xuan asked.
"So, you thought of this. What about your own matters?" the doctor said.
We are talking about history." Wen Xuan said.
"We are also talking about ourselves.”The doctor said," Why don't you talk about this girl?”
"She's still young. How can you decide when you think of good and evil?”Wen Xuan said.
"You feel responsible for her, especially the part about good and evil?”the doctor said.
"Indeed. I'm her father. That part is my responsibility.”Wen Xuan said.
The doctor said,"Let's not talk about good and evil first. I want you to think about what happened between you two. To be honest, you should marry this child.”
Wen Xuan looked back at the clinic with the closed wooden door and put his hand in his pocket.
"Why not? Anyway, whatever those people say won't affect you.”the doctor said.
"She's like my child." Wen Xuan said," Also, I'm too old.”
"Old? I can't tell." the doctor said.
"Are you probably thinking about your regrets? Then three months." Wen Xuan said.
"Maybe a little." The doctor said," At that time, I didn't know that her adoptive father had such a history. As for her, she could only stay in her memories now. When you reach a certain age, talking about love is always irrelevant. It was just a beautiful memory. However, if you made the wrong choice, you would regret it for the rest of your life. I don't want you to have such regrets.”
"I've never thought about that. Moreover, she's still a child." Wen Xuan said.
"She's not a child anymore. The child in her stomach was the real child.”The doctor said," If that one is born, she should have a status.”
"I didn't think of that. I was thinking about why those people couldn't tolerate her.”Wen Xuan said.
"Who are they?" the doctor asked.
"From school." Wen Xuan said," And the others here.”
"Are you still thinking about her leaving alone?”the doctor asked.
"I'm not too sure. For so many years, those people thought that I was a human trafficker and Xi 'er was kidnapped.”Wen Xuan said.
"There are indeed people who say that." the doctor said.
"That's not the case." Wen Xuan said.
"I know." The doctor said," Maybe some people know.”
"Then why are they still doing this?”Wen Xuan said.
"You forgot one thing. A very important point. Did you forget that your brother-in-law had appeared before?”the doctor said.
"At that time, he saved us and was seen by everyone.”Wen Xuan said.
"People see him standing here and helping you and think you've done something bad. In a way, he was the representative of evil. Even if he had done a good deed back then, it would have been regarded as a bad deed. And you are even more defined as an evil person. Therefore, for so many years, everyone has listened to the words of that person without ears and divided you all together. The drug dealer's brother was a human trafficker. It seemed logical.”the doctor said.
"I thought the rumors had stopped, especially when I was away from those people.”Wen Xuan said," After that, I thought about it. I drowned myself in the sea and pushed Xi 'er to them. This is where I was negligent."
"You can't make up for this." The doctor said," By the time you figure out what to do, it will be too late. You should think about what to do now."
"She's my child. I raised her and educated her not to marry her or take her for myself. I just want to protect her." Wen Xuan said.
"At some point, you didn't protect her.”the doctor said.
"At that time, what she wanted was not what she really wanted.”Wen Xuan said.
"How did you know?" the doctor asked.
"She was at that time and was too curious about some things.”Wen Xuan said.
"You're thinking too deeply.”The doctor said," Especially when it's about yourself.”
"I do think so." Wen Xuan said.
"It is wise to put aside your feelings and think about the problem. However, it was often painful to choose without feelings. It was as if we were discussing the history of our predecessors and understood many things that we should not have done. However, when it comes to us, the weakness of human nature still comes into play.”The doctor said," That's why kindness doesn't work sometimes. Because in many things, good and evil weren't the only things that mattered.”
"What is the point of thinking if your thoughts and actions are inconsistent?”Wen Xuan said.
The doctor looked up at Wen Xuan and realized that he was staring at the sea in the darkness. He said,""You can take her away from here. We can go anywhere."
"If I could leave, I would have left long ago.”Wen Xuan said.
"Rose gardens can be found anywhere." the doctor said.
"But the sea is different." Wen Xuan said.
"Women and the sea." The doctor said," You can't see yourself clearly. Actually, you've experienced a lot of things, so you should understand. But some kind of obsession dominated you. I will soon be a person who has fallen into history and will become a part of others 'stories. It was always easy to see things from afar. I'm looking at you now, child.”
Wen Xuan looked back at the doctor and did not say anything. The doctor's face looked very pale under the light.
"You two are like my children.”The doctor supported the iron pillar and stood up. He turned around and walked onto the street." Some things in the world are just so strange."”
When they returned to the clinic, they woke Xi 'er up from her bed and left.
"Come in. I'm already awake." Xi 'er got out of bed and said.
They returned to the wooden table. The two of them looked at the pile of old books thoughtfully. Wen Xuan felt that he had not had enough and wanted to continue chatting with the doctor. However, the doctor was already exhausted. He sat on the chair with his eyebrows lowered.
"Goodbye, old friend." The doctor patted the pile of old books and said.
"Goodbye." Wen Xuan picked up the bundle of old books and said.
"Goodbye." The doctor waved his hand and looked at them." Think about what I said."”
Wen Xuan looked back at the doctor and nodded at him before closing the clinic door for him. Perhaps, that would be the last time they would see each other. After Wen Xuan stepped out of the clinic, he suddenly thought of something.
Back at the dock, Wen Xuan placed the book on the canoe first. He supported Xi 'er and let her step onto the canoe. Xi 'er took his hand and looked down at the flash of light under the water."There's one here too."
"There are lights. They gather near the shore and look for food in places with light.”Wen Xuan said.
Wen Xuan got on the canoe, opened the oars, and rowed out.
Xi 'er looked up at him, yawned, and said,""It must be very late. The stars have changed their positions."
"Are you cold? It seems to be windy." Wen Xuan said.
Xi 'er shook her head and took the kerosene lamp. She flipped open the bundle of books and looked at the back of the book.
"They are all medical books." Xi 'er said.
"This is his most precious possession.”Wen Xuan said.
"Why?" Xi 'er said.
"There are teaching materials for him to study abroad. He had always remembered that period of time.”Wen Xuan said.
"How could he bear to give it to you?" Xi 'er said.
"This is a trust. He felt that his days were numbered, so he handed these to me.”Wen Xuan said.
Xi 'er touched the Russian side of the book with her fingertips, as if she could understand the meaning of the words. Tiredness had already crept up. Her eyelids were lowered.
"If you die, what will you leave for me?”Xi 'er asked.
"I don't have anything except that cabinet full of books.”Wen Xuan said.
"Another book. I don't want it." Xi 'er said.
"What do you want? I'll buy it in advance and leave it for you.”Wen Xuan said," That cabinet belongs to my dad." When he came back, he moved the water tank away and took them out. No matter what, it's something that my father cherishes.”
Wen Xuan lifted the oar and hung it by the side of the boat. The wet wood pulp dripped with water, as if it was gasping for breath.
The kerosene lamp was placed on the old book. The flames danced lightly. The flashing yellow light jumped onto their faces. The rest of the light floated to the surface of the sea, drawing a circle of light. The canoe floated quietly on the surface of the sea with this halo, swaying gently with the waves.
"We may never see this doctor again.”Wen Xuan said.
At this moment, Xi 'er reached out and touched his face. She held his face and looked at him without saying anything. Wen Xuan turned his face away and looked at the shadow in the water, tears falling.
"When Dad went, I was still outside. They didn't know what happened at all, but he was gone.”Wen Xuan said.
"If you die, I'll die too, so you don't have to buy anything for me.”Xi 'er said.
Wen Xuan turned his head to look at her and touched her warm hand on his cold face before shaking it down. She smiled slightly and retracted her hand. She yawned, and tears almost squeezed out of her eyes.
"It's time to go back." Wen Xuan said.
A star slid down into the sea silently.
This book is provided by FunNovel Novel Book | Fan Fiction Novel [Beautiful Free Novel Book]