He should not feel guilty.
However, it would be a lie to say that he did not feel guilty.
He felt guilty towards Xiang 'er and Lian' er. He felt guilty towards Xiang 'er because he was thinking about Lian' er and her being together. There were a few times when he almost called out Lian 'er's name. This was the first time he had time to think about other things while making love. As for his guilt towards Lian 'er, he didn't understand why. Logically speaking, he shouldn't feel any guilt towards Lian' er. Lian 'er was his pet, but not his wife. Making love with his wife was not an act of betrayal.
However, he felt guilty towards Lian 'er, causing him to be unable to face that moving face for a few days. By the time he adjusted his mood, it was already five or six days later.
"How have you been these past few days?" Seeing his face, Lian 'er's heart was filled with joy. The pain of waiting for days was immediately thrown to the back of her mind.
"Very good. Why did you lose weight again?" Perhaps it was the guilt in her heart that made her uneasy about his thinness. She instinctively thought that it was because he was far away.
Because I've been sick for a while, so naturally, I've lost weight. In her heart, Lian 'er bitterly answered herself. "Fortunately, you saw wrongly. It's only been five days. How could you suddenly lose weight?”
"That's good…"
After a question and an answer, the two of them lost the topic.
Was it the end?
Feeling the soreness in her eyes, Lian 'er took a deep breath and swallowed the discomfort back into the depths of her heart. "If you're busy, don't rush to see me. Don't tire yourself out.”
"I'm not busy. I want to accompany you." This was the truth. He hated himself for being unable to control his emotions. He hated himself for being like a wife who had cheated on her husband, letting down his husband who loved him deeply.
How could he not see the disgust in his eyes? Her hands did not listen to her, and by the time she realized it, he had already wrapped his arms around her waist in a familiar manner.
She really liked the feeling of him in her hands. He was like a three-year-old child hugging her toy tightly. She could announce to everyone that it was hers and that no one could snatch it away.
"If one day, you don't want me anymore, please remember to tell me yourself. I don't want to hear about your forgetting from others.”
"What nonsense are you talking about?" He just…didn't know how to face him. How was it that he didn't want him?
"I mean it."
"Lian 'er!" Inexplicably, anger rushed to his chest. "You don't believe me that much! I only spent a few days with my wife, and you can't hide your jealousy?”This was not what he wanted to say. He was just angry that he did not believe his promise. He did not really think that he was jealous of Xiang 'er, but even he did not know how he said it.
He knew what kind of person Lian 'er was. Why would she say such hurtful words?
" I'm sorry, it's my fault…" Sometimes, unintentional words hurt more than the truth. He didn't do it on purpose, he didn't do it on purpose…He told himself again and again in his heart, but suddenly, the wound was still dripping with blood. It was painful.
"It's not your fault. I was too anxious to say anything.”
"Impatient? Why are you so anxious?"
He hugged the body in his arms. He still liked Lian 'er's body. Other than the comfort of hugging her, there was also a strange sense of satisfaction. He always felt that just hugging her like this meant he didn't need to eat or sleep.
"I don't know. Lian 'er, I'm sorry. Xiang' er is my wife. I should give her some time.”He decided to express his guilt.
"I know. That's what you should do. I don't blame you.”Now, he had to give his wife some time, and in the future, he would also give his children some time. Gradually, he would grow old, and he would no longer have the Tears Girl in his eyes.
There was not much time left.
Her heart ached again…Recently, when she was with Lian 'er, her heart ached when she looked at his eyes, looked at his expression, and listened to his words. Sometimes, she would even have the illusion that he had disappeared before her eyes.
"Lian 'er, trust me, okay?" He didn't know what else to say.
She didn't want the heartache to fill her nose and turn into tears that flooded her eyes. Many times, he really wanted to cry to Lian 'er. He didn't care why he wanted to cry, as long as he could cry by her side.
Lian 'er smiled, revealing her first smile in days. "I believe you. Have you ever seen me doubt you?”Silly, he had always believed in him. What he didn't believe in was promises.
"That's good. I want you to believe that I sincerely want to protect you for the rest of your life, regardless of whether I'm by your side or whether you can hear my answer.”
Lian 'er smiled unhappily. "I believe, I believe that your heart is willing to protect me for the rest of my life.”Hearing another promise, flowers bloomed in his heart again. Joy drowned all his worries.
Hearing his laughter, Zhu Yutang also laughed. It was like this every time. As long as Lian 'er laughed, he would laugh with her. When Lian' er cried, his heart would ache. His heart seemed to be synchronized with Lian 'er.
"Shall we have a drink?"
"Of course, what about after this glass?”
"After drinking this cup, I will be yours. You can hug me, kiss me, and…love me.”The last two words were whispered in Zhu Yutang's ear. It touched the deepest part of Zhu Yutang's heart, and he wanted to completely possess Lian 'er.
"Child, you're too ridiculous!" Mrs. Zhu saw the two of them playing in the courtyard. That scene…was simply immoral!
That vixen's bright smile was still damned in her mind. There was a voice in her heart telling her that the two of them were so happy, carefree like children who could not grow up.
No! It shouldn't be like this. It was just an illusion. How could his son be happy with that vixen? Playing with a boy toy and indulging in the arms of a boy toy would not have the same result.
Playing with a male toy would at most be called romantic and ridiculous, but being infatuated with a male toy would result in endless ridicule and laughter. This kind of stupid and immoral behavior was despised by everyone.
"Mother, I will deal with my own matters. Although I am often with Lian 'er, I also take care of my own matters.”
" Yutang, Mother wants to ask you, how…how do you feel towards Lian 'er…" She felt awkward when talking about that vixen. " Mother means, do you really think of him as a…" She didn't want to stutter. The problem was that she couldn't clarify their feelings.
"Lian 'er is Lian' er. I don't understand what mother wants to say.”
"What does mother want to say, how could you not guess with your brain? Mother is just afraid, afraid that you really love men more than women.”
Zhu Yutang wanted to laugh, but he couldn't. "What are you talking about? How could I love men more than women?”
"Then what's with Lian 'er? You neglected your family and your wife for that man. How do you explain that?”
"I…I was just spoiling him…"
"Do you think he's a small official in your heart?"
"Lian 'er is just a small official." The question was asked quickly, and the answer was also fast. As soon as the words came out, he asked himself at the same time in his heart: Was that so? Was Lian 'er a minor official? Do you really only treat Lian 'er as a small official?
"Very good. Mother hopes that you will remember what you just said. He was originally a minor official. I believe you understand how to treat a minor official and how to treat your wife. Do you know what people are saying about you now? Everyone is laughing at you for falling in love with a small official. Our Zhu family has become a laughing stock. If you really think he's just a small official, you should know what to do…"
Falling in love with a minor official?
He had never thought about it. He doted on Lian 'er and liked her, but it didn't mean that his feelings for her were so intense that they could make people swear their lives together. He, Zhu Yutang, was a man. Lian 'er was a man, even though she was beautiful. It was impossible for two men to have that kind of love. It was impossible, impossible…
Xi Xiangyuan gently kissed Zhu Yutang's lips, but there was no response.
It had always been like this, ever since their bodies touched. Her husband seemed to have no interest in the pleasures of the flesh and water between husband and wife. His attitude was always so careless.
"When you kissed Lian 'er, did you have the same expression?”
"What?" Zhu Yutang was alarmed by her question.
Xi Xiangyuan smiled bitterly. His heart was indeed not with her. "I say, when you kiss Lian 'er, are you always as casual as when you kiss me? Yutang, I'm not stupid. I can see that your heart is not on me. Can you tell me? Do you kiss your Lian 'er like this too?”
Him? How did he kiss Lian 'er?
Thinking of Lian 'er's red lips, he couldn't help himself every time. At first, she pecked lightly, but slowly, she deepened her peck. Her teeth bit his tender skin, and the tip of her tongue felt his warmth. He would never get tired of his taste.
Seeing that he was lost in thought, tears fell from his eyes. There was no need to give her an answer. His expression could not be more obvious. Kissing her was different from kissing Lian 'er.
"You love your son, don't you?" She was unwilling to admit that her husband loved a man, not her or any other woman.
"What nonsense are you talking about?"
"I'm not talking nonsense. You know that's the truth, right? " You love a man, a beautiful man. A man falling in love with a man, how laughable…" She could no longer suppress her tears as they kept rolling down her cheeks.
" Shut up, I didn't…" He had never loved anyone, and of course, it was impossible for him to fall in love with a man. He only doted on Lian 'er and protected her. He couldn't bear to see her sad and unhappy. That wasn't love. How could he fall in love with a man?
"Is that so?" Xi Xiangyuan gritted his teeth and held his face with both hands again, pressing his lips against hers.
Her warm lips should be hot and unbearable when she kissed him, but when she kissed him, she felt her heart turn cold. She could not see his heart, nor could she feel his love.
"Kiss me, I don't want this kind of kiss. I want you to kiss me like how you kissed Lian 'er.”
She told her that she still had a chance to be happy and that she should not let her husband really fall in love with a man.
Like kissing Lian 'er?
This was not what he wanted…
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Xi Xiangyuan's eyes widened in tears as she watched her husband push her away and stare at her in disbelief. In the end, she ran out of the room in a sorry state.
It hurts! The feeling of proving everything hurt. Her husband really fell in love with a man, and she had no chance to get involved.
She grabbed the duvet on the bed tightly and clenched her hands into fists. Her fingertips, which were separated by a thin layer of duvet, still sank into her palms. They had just made love on this bed yesterday. At that time, she could still tell herself that she still had a chance. However, in just a night, all hope was destroyed. The words that he had used to comfort himself were just delaying comfort.
Why? Why did her life fall from happiness to the abyss of pain in the blink of an eye? She only had so many extravagant desires. She did not even dare to look forward to being with him every day, but the heavens still could not even grant this small prayer. Was she stupid enough to walk into the trap without seeing clearly, or was this what people called fate? She could not avoid it or escape it?
She fell in love with him at first sight. She fell in love with a man who loved a man.
Ridiculous! This was really too laughable.
Unable to suppress the surging emotions in her heart, she screamed uncontrollably. However, she was afraid that the servants outside would see her sorry state. She grabbed the mandarin duck quilt in her hand and stuffed it between her lips bit by bit. She swallowed all the screams that she had spat out back into her chest. She stuffed her mouth with cotton cloth, causing her throat and heart to ache...
She didn't want others to pity her. She couldn't let others see her sadness.
The people outside the inner room could not hear the commotion inside. They only felt that it was quiet and silent. They could vaguely hear the young madam's sigh. Was it a sigh? It didn't sound like it. What could it be? Was Young Madam crying? Was it the sound of her crying?
One question after another spread among the servants. In the story, there was a beautiful vixen, a handsome and tall young master, and a beautiful and demure bride. The vixen bewitched the handsome young master and made the beautiful young madam cry every day.
How pitiful!
That damned vixen. If it weren't for that vixen, the handsome young master and the beautiful bride would be such a perfect match. Right, I heard that the vixen is a man…
The male vixen, oh my god! How ridiculous, he should be killed, he should be killed!
" Yutang, you…Uh…" Before she could ask why he was in such a hurry, her mouth was gagged. Lian 'er widened her eyes in surprise and carefully observed the expression on his face. He was like an injured beast.
What was wrong with him?
Before he could ask, Zhu Yutang's lips were wreaking havoc in his warmth. The gentle and passionate kiss in the past was now filled with violence. He could taste the blood lingering in his mouth.
Something must have happened. Yutang would never want him so recklessly. He treated him like a treasure and didn't want him to be hurt at all. Now, he used his own strength to hurt him. It wasn't very painful, but the feeling was deeper than when he was whipped by Ming Yan in the past.
His palm formed a barrier between their lips as they breathed. His gaze was like a torch in the dark night as he looked at her. He had never seen Yu Tang like a wild beast. "What's wrong?"
Without replying, Zhu Yutang's burning gaze scanned him from head to toe, not letting go of any part of his body. It was not easy to breathe under his gaze, and there was not even a hint of coolness in the evening. That gaze could burn everything into pieces, and strangely, it could also make his heart as cold as ice that would not melt for ten thousand years.
"What did your mother say to you?" He wasn't a fool. Other than external stimulation, Yutang, who was as strong as a mountain, rarely panicked. "Or did your wife say something to you?”Before tasting blood, the smell of rouge on his lips was hard to ignore. He was just like Yutang, very sensitive to the smell of rouge and disliked it as well.
" They told me that I love you, I love you…" He finally said it, but there was no joy in his sharp eyes. Other than disbelief, there was also a familiar emotion.
Why? Did he think it was ridiculous? Even this man who saved him, bought him, took care of him, and protected him felt that falling in love with a small official was a ridiculous thing?
! A loud slap echoed in the pavilion.
Zhu Yutang held his left cheek that had just been slapped and stared at Lian 'er's emotionless expression. "Why did you hit me?" No one would have thought that the meek Lian 'er would one day hit someone, and it was him.
"Can't I hit you?" It was as if they had returned to the first day they met. The only difference was that there were no tears on Lian 'er's face.
"You said you would protect me."
"I am indeed…"
"Then why did you hurt me? Do you think that other people's discrimination is not enough for me, or do you think that I'm strong enough for you to look at me with discrimination and ridicule without feeling anything?”
Zhu Yutang held his breath. Shame, anger, and other unknown emotions flashed across his face. "It's impossible for a man to fall in love with another man.”He knew that these words would only bring more harm to Lian 'er, but he just wanted to say it. He had an impulse to shout out all the thoughts in his heart.
"Then you can go and tell the others. You can go and tell the others loudly that falling in love with a man is a ridiculous, shameful, and despicable thing. You can tell everyone, but why do you have to tell me? Why? Is it because I am laughably, shamelessly, and lowly in love with the benefactor who bought me back then? Because I'm more pathetic than you?”Give him an answer. He wanted an answer. Every day, he would ask about everything he could ask. He hoped that at least one voice would tell him that falling in love with a man was not a shameful thing. One could not stop their feelings.
However, no one had ever been able to tell him. Even Hong Yu and the others, even he himself, could not tell himself this.
" You…" His Lian 'er loved him?
He had long known that Lian 'er had deep feelings for him, but he had never thought that it would be the so-called love that people had been talking about since ancient times. It was the same reason why he did not think that he would have love for Lian' er. Because it was natural for a man to love a woman. It had never been heard that men could fall in love with each other. What a small official and a buyer could have was at most a pity that was deeper than friendship.
"What, is it funny? Because I shamelessly fell in love with a man?”Tears couldn't flow out. Back then, Tears Lady still had tears. Now, tears flowed into her heart. Other than herself, no one knew the bitterness of tears.
He could hear his own heartbeat ringing in his ears. His lips that should have been mocking Lian 'er couldn't curl into a smile. His mind was empty. The only thing he knew was that Lian 'er loved him. Lian' er really loved him and didn't care that they were both men.
Because he was a minor official, he could fall in love with men? He still didn't think that he would fall in love with a man. He was just a playboy who wandered around the flower street. Pity, love, and pampering were all games. He never thought that he could give his heart in the game.
" I need to think about it…" He could not face Lian 'er's serious gaze. At least at this moment, that gaze would mess up his thoughts and make him feel like' just love like this!'”Impulse.
He wanted to leave this piece of land for a while, but when he turned around, he received another slap. This slap hurt him very much. Although it hurt when Lian 'er hit him just now, it was only a short period of pain. However, Hong Yu's slap landed mercilessly on his cheek.
"I've always known that you're a heartless person.”He had seen everything that had just happened. He endured it again and again, but in the end, he could not help but rush forward and slap this hateful person.
"Hong Yu?" They were both beaten up, but Lian 'er's face didn't hurt, but her heart felt terrible. Hong Yu's slap on the face hurt. Other than confusion, there was not much emotion in his heart.
It was another question that he did not understand.
"You won't understand what you've done to Lian 'er!”In the eyes of this proud son of heaven, he had only said a few words to Lian 'er and left behind a pile of questions. But to Lian 'er, what happened just now was not just a conversation. There was more heartache and despair.
"Let's go! Hong Yu, don't forget that we're just small officials. From the day we were bought, our fate was destined.”Lian 'er held Hong Yu's hand, unwilling to let him continue arguing with Zhu Yutang because Hong Yu would only be hurt.
He wasn't saying these words to mock anyone. He was the one who was heartbroken. He was just telling the truth, turning his numbed heart empty.
"Don't go, Lian 'er." Seeing him leave, Zhu Yutang felt as if something in his heart was about to burst. Before he could think about it, his large hand had already grabbed her slender wrist.
"I don't think it's a good time to continue talking. Let go of my hand!”If he let go of her like this, he might never have the chance to hold her again in this life. He really wanted to hold her warmth and selfishly occupy it without caring about anything.
He didn't hold the thin wrist in his hand tightly. He watched helplessly as the fair wrist easily broke free from his hand. The moment he held nothing, his heart felt empty, and the cold Cold Church shivered.
The departing figure did not look back. He held Hong Yu's hand and walked back to the inner room step by step.
The ankles in soft shoes stepped from one stone to another. Previously, that pair of slender ankles had danced for him when he was happy. She had even smiled at him and said that she thanked Ming Yan for forcing him to learn dancing for the first time because he wanted to dance for her. Stepping over the stone surfaces, she spun around the palm-sized stone surfaces, her light body fluttering like a butterfly.
The dance had yet to end. The moment Lian's body jumped and spun quickly, he could not suppress his excitement. He rushed forward in a panic and hugged her slender waist that seemed to be about to break. He held her thin and delicate body tightly in his arms. The moment Lian 'er danced high up, the leaves rustled in the wind. The shadows of the trees covered her jumping figure, and the dark shadows shrouded the ethereal, as if they would disappear in the next moment.
He really thought that Lian 'er was going to disappear, which was why he lost his composure and went forward to grab her, holding her in his arms to make sure that she wouldn't leave.
Now, he had the same feeling. He felt that if he did not go forward and grab the figure that was getting further and further away from him, he would never be able to touch or touch it again one day.
He couldn't let him go, he couldn't…
"Young Master, Steward Zhao asked me to tell you that the luggage for the south has been prepared. Also, the manager of Xiaoxiang Restaurant has come to discuss with you about setting up a station in West Shu. He's waiting for you in the hall now.”He panted heavily. He had spent a lot of effort to find Young Master.
At first, Steward Zhao said that the young master was in the study, then he heard that he was going to pay his respects to the old madam, then he mentioned the young madam, and now he came to the courtyard of the male pet.
However, this was the first time he had seen the young master's male toy. Previously, because his status was too low, he had never had the chance to see the male fox that everyone was talking about. Just now, he saw that she was shockingly good-looking. He had never seen such a good-looking person in his life. He had thought that the Young Madam was already beautiful enough. He did not expect that there was someone who was even more beautiful than the Young Madam, and it was a man.
It was no wonder that the young master was infatuated. If it were him, he would also be reluctant to part with such a beautiful person. It did not matter even if she was a real vixen.
Having lost the chance to stop Lian 'er from leaving, Zhu Yutang had an uneasy premonition.
He was probably thinking too much. There would be plenty of time in the future, and he indeed needed some time to ease the relationship between him and Lian 'er.
Just…wait for a while! Lian 'er would definitely be waiting for him here.#
This book is provided by FunNovel Novel Book | Fan Fiction Novel [Beautiful Free Novel Book]