To whom do I say I love you?
7 Qinglan picked a postcard, Fu Qian left Zheng Qinglan

Sha Fuping

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Zheng Qinglan returned to the museum, put the things in her room, and went to the director's office to look for Luo Tianyin. However, Luo Tianyin had not come to work yet. She hadn't been back for two weeks. Zheng Qinglan felt like she had returned home. He thought of himself as a person who loved his family very much. He walked around and looked around. He felt that this was new and interesting. Seeing that it was almost time to go to work, he returned to his office and simply tidied up the things on the table. In fact, there was nothing to tidy up. He just brushed the dust on the tables and chairs. The city was not as good as the countryside, but it was dusty. If he did not clean it for a day, it would be covered with dust. No one had touched it for ten days or half a month, and the dust had accumulated into a thin layer. He stood at the door of the office after he dusted off the dust. Fortunately, he greeted Director Luo immediately. This was necessary. He was not trying to curry favor with the leader with ulterior motives, but he was showing respect to a leader and an elder. Director Luo appeared on the second floor. Zheng Qinglan called out,""Teacher Luo." Luo Tianyin was stunned."Xiao Zheng, it's you. Why are you back so early today?”

"I want to report to you about my work in the past half a month and listen to your instructions for my work in the next period.”

"Sure, come to my office. I also want to hear about your work down there.”Zheng Qinglan followed Luo Tianyin to the director's office. Luo Tianyin asked Zheng Qinglan to sit down, then poured two cups of tea and handed one to Zheng Qinglan. Zheng Qinglan said,"What fragrant tea!" "This is authentic West Lake Longjing tea. Pei Tianwen gave it to me when he came to the county to handle some business. I usually can't bear to drink it, but I'm taking it out today to reward you. You've worked hard outside.”

"At the beginning, I couldn't figure it out. I was like a headless fly running around. I didn't get anything after running around for a few days. In the past two weeks, I visited a few old folk artists and listened to them tell some folk stories. I also listened to them sing some traditional local operas. These old artistes were all very anxious. They thought that these old stories and dramas had reached the point where there was no successor. If they did not save them now, they would be lost. In addition, the old people have a lot of opinions about some of the phenomena in society today, especially the special treatment of the officials and the abnormal relationship between men and women. I have also made some observations and thoughts, and I believe that these phenomena do exist, and the impact is very bad.”

"How could I not know about the phenomena you mentioned? Some of them are within our scope of responsibility, and some are things that we can't control at all. The things within the scope of responsibility were also divided into those within the ability and those beyond the ability. I've told the leaders of the Cultural Affairs Bureau about the old stories and dramas that are about to be lost. The main reason why I arranged for you to go down this time is to save and collect a batch of old stories. This is something that we can do with pens. It doesn't require much investment or equipment. One person, one pen, and one script will be enough. However, to save the old dramas, we need recording equipment. We also need people who know how to use these equipment. It will cost a lot of money to buy equipment. Cultivating talents is not a matter of a day or two. We still have to invite these old artists to the city and take care of their food and accommodation. This also costs money, and it will cost a lot of money. Therefore, I am also anxious every day. I have mentioned it to the director several times, but he still can't approve it. However, I heard that there are a few people in the county cultural bureau who are doing this work. They mainly use tape recorder to record some materials. Record as much as you can. It is useless for us to be anxious about this matter. You mentioned that some of the government officials are seeking special privileges and messing around with men and women. This is far away from our cultural center. We can't control it, and we don't dare to control it. This is a big hornet's nest. Whoever stabs it may be stung until his head is full of bumps. Many of these people are people with power or money. They are not people that we can touch. However, personally, I'm not happy about these people. These people have no regard for the laws of the country and have no respect for the laws of the country. They are lawless and take bribes. They fill their own pockets and are extravagant and licentious. They have seriously corrupted the social atmosphere. I really hope that there will be a strict strike on the cadre team. Kill a batch of those black sheep, lock up a batch, and fire a batch. We will return the society to a clean world for the people.”

"Your thoughts are also the thoughts of many ordinary people.”

"Our leader once said that we must grasp both hands and strive for a bumper harvest of both material and spiritual civilization. However, once they entered the real world, they would become one hand tough and one hand soft. People only valued money and wealth, and completely threw spiritual civilization aside. If they were rich in material wealth, but not in spiritual wealth, it would be strange if those people did not change or become bad, unless they were all Liu Xiahui who sat still. Forget it, let's not talk about this anymore. It's useless to say it, and I'll end up with a stomach full of anger.”

"Teacher Luo, although we have no right to control these people, we have pen and paper in our hands, and we have justice in our hearts.”

"You mean to use your works to reflect social life and expose the faces of these people?”

"Yes, I plan to use the materials I collected from this countryside gathering activity as the basic content to write something that reflects the current social situation.”

"I basically agree with your idea, but I have to remind you that we have to observe society deeply and comprehensively. We only saw some superficial phenomena. Of course, that wouldn't do. It was fine to complain, but to form a work, we must find out the deep reasons for these phenomena and come up with ways to cure them. Of course, we are not sociologists, nor are we experts and scholars from various party schools. They speak with facts and data and focus on rationality, while we speak with images and focus on perception. The so-called comprehensive meant that one had to see both the true, the good, and the beautiful side, as well as the fake and the ugly side. One had to see both the shortcomings and the achievements, so as to prevent others from taking advantage of them and causing unpredictable disasters.”

"Are you saying that there will be a 'New Cultural Revolver'? I don't think so. I have a deep respect for this party, this country, and this nation. It is impossible for any of my works to belittle them. Besides, nowadays, we emphasize on being open rather than closed, on being democratic rather than autocratic, on being ruled by law rather than being governed by people, and on being flexible rather than rigid. How can there be such a phenomenon of reversing history?”

" There's nothing wrong with believing in our party and our country, but I personally advise you to be careful. You're still young, after all, and it's inevitable that you'll be lacking in your consideration of problems. Your thinking is also not mature enough. This is both your strength and your weakness, so it's necessary to be careful. It's a way to protect yourself.”

"You're doing this for my own good, I know. After the manuscript is written, I'll first ask you to review it. If I'm lucky enough to be liked by the publishing house or the editorial department, they'll also review it. There shouldn't be any problems.”

"Alright, we'll discuss it after you're done writing the script. Oh right, Pei Tianwen called me this morning and told me about you.”

"What did he say?" Zheng Qinglan couldn't help but feel a little nervous. She looked at Luo Tianyin, but from her expression, it didn't seem like something serious had happened.

"Hehe, there's nothing bad about it. Don't worry, it's all good things. They said that you're serious and down-to-earth in doing things, that you're willing to use your brain, and that you'll think of a way. They especially mentioned that you helped the mine implement safety production.”

"Yes, I went down the well once."

"He also said that you were helping him contact reporters to report on their village's coal mine. He might be asking about me to see if you really have the resources in this area.”

"I have a friend who is a reporter. He works at the Provincial Business Daily. However, I have asked him to help me contact Secretary Pei and this coal mine.”

"He is eager to get an interview with the newspaper office because he wants to expand his influence. This classmate of mine is really difficult to explain in a few words. Recently, there have been some rumors that are unfavorable to him. I also advised him to not only work hard on external conditions, but also to practice his internal energy well. He listened to it and did not care. I'm really worried about my old classmate. I'm afraid that he won't be able to control himself. He's been a daring man since he was a student. He's unusually bold. I'm afraid he'll go overboard and make things difficult. Have you heard anything from working there?”

"Yes, it's the situation mentioned earlier. He's special, he eats and drinks, and he has an abnormal relationship with a woman. Someone even made up a jingle for him. I still remember two lines: Pei Tianwen was bold and dared to spend any amount of money. Pei Tianwen was extremely bold and had many secrets. It's still very long. I can't remember clearly."

"We have to persuade him. Otherwise, when the incident happens, no one can save him. He also said that you were drunk when he gave you a welcome dinner. Let's have a few drinks tonight. You've worked hard downstairs, so I'll treat you.”

"No, no, if you want to treat someone, it should be me. I'll invite Master's wife over later and call Fu Qian over too. She might need to rest today, so the four of us can have a meal together.”

"Oh, oh, yes, I forgot about this. Forget it, you guys eat by yourselves. The two of us old fellows won't spoil the fun of you young people.”

"No, she likes you guys too.”

"Then I should know my limits. I can't let the person who likes me suffer.”

Zheng Qinglan wanted to say something, but Luo Tianyin had already packed her things and was about to leave the office. Zheng Qinglan had no choice but to leave. Luo Tianyin said to him," Just do as you wish. If you have any difficulties, you can look for me at any time. I'll do my best to help you. However, I can't help you with the matter of having dinner with your girlfriend. That's your exclusive right." You go ahead. I have to go back and accompany my wife and children.”

In the past, Fu Qian would wait for Zheng Qinglan at the entrance of the cotton mill at this time on Saturday. Although there was no special agreement between them, it was like an agreement. When Zheng Qinglan rushed to the entrance of the cotton mill anxiously, she didn't see Fu Qian. He stood at the door and waited for a while, but he still did not see Fu Qian. At this moment, a female worker walked out of the factory. She was Fu Qian's roommate and Zheng Qinglan knew her. Zheng Qinglan asked her where Fu Qian went. The female worker thought for a while and said,""I think I heard her say that she's going to her cousin's house for dinner tonight.”

"Do you know which cousin she's talking about?”

"I don't know. She only said that she was going to cousin's house.”

Zheng Qinglan was confused. She had known Fu Qian for half a year. Other than Zhang Changfeng, she had never heard of any other cousin in the city. Moreover, in the past, when she went to Zhang Changfeng's house for dinner, she would always ask Zheng Qinglan to go with her. Zhang Changfeng was their matchmaker. Zheng Qinglan and Zhang Changfeng had a good relationship in the office. Now, with Fu Qian's relationship, the two of them were even closer. Why didn't she invite me to Zhang Changfeng's house today? Could it be that she's still angry because I gave her the cold shoulder the last time we met? That was not right. Fu Qian was the kind of person who was straightforward. She would always say whatever she wanted to say. It was very satisfying. It was unlikely that she would use such a method to deal with her. She was also a person who did not hold a grudge against others. It had been a week. With her personality, her anger would have dissipated long ago. Why? He felt a throbbing pain in his chest that he had never felt before, and he did not know why he was acting so strongly today. There were many people in the cotton mill who knew him. He did not want anyone to see him, so he found a corner and placed the recorder and bag on the ground. He kept staring at the passersby coming and going at the cotton mill entrance, hoping to find Fu Qian in the crowd. If she wasn't, she would be the next one. However, she wasn't either. Just like that, hope rose again and again, and disappointment suppressed it again. Then, hope stubbornly came back. It had come and gone countless times. Zheng Qinglan's stomach was already growling with hunger, but he didn't want to leave. He firmly believed that Fu Qian would appear in his sight in the next second.

"Fu Qian!" Fu Qian was shocked when she heard the cry. She looked around and found him. She ran up to him in joy and stared at him affectionately. Her eyes were filled with happiness and joy. Then, the two of them hugged each other tightly. He suddenly felt nervous. What if Fu Qian suddenly appeared in front of him? Should he just greet her like before and keep a safe distance to chat, or should he do what he had just seen?

Reality proved that his idea was indeed just a fantasy. There were fewer and fewer people coming in and out of the cotton mill. In the end, there was no one for a long time. Other than the occasional person who was in a hurry, there was no one else on the street. The noisy street was unusually empty and deserted, just like Zheng Qinglan's mood at this time. She would not return. Zheng Qinglan looked back three times with every step she took. Every time she looked back, she was full of hope, but all she got was disappointment. It was not until he could no longer see the door of the cotton mill and the lights at the door that he returned to his place in a daze. Even though he was already hungry, he had no appetite at all. She didn't even take off her clothes and lay on the bed. At first, his consciousness was still very clear. Where exactly was she? Then, she would find an answer, deny an answer, find another answer, and deny another answer. Because he was too tired, he actually fell asleep in the end. However, it was only a short while. Just a short while, she suddenly woke up. She pricked up her ears like a cat and held her breath. She heard footsteps. It was Fu Qian's. She could not help but feel her heart beating wildly. I want to give her the most affectionate hug, the most tender comfort, and the craziest kiss. But everything returned to normal. After a few rounds of this, Zheng Qinglan felt her mouth was dry and her mind was in a mess. Her head was swollen and she didn't fall asleep until dawn.

The noise on the street woke Zheng Qinglan up. He sat up immediately. Ignoring his dizziness, he quickly washed up and went to Fu Qian's dormitory with the tape recorder. He would definitely see her today. The female workers had been working for a week. Some of them might not have woken up yet, so it was definitely not appropriate to go in at this time. Zheng Qinglan knew about this, so she could only wait outside. After a while, a female worker came out. Zheng Qinglan quickly went up to her and asked if Fu Qian was in the dormitory. The maid said,"Her quilt is neatly folded. She was not in the dormitory last night."”Zheng Qinglan felt extremely discouraged. She walked back with a sour nose.

Zheng Qinglan walked aimlessly on the street, from south to north, from east to west. As she walked, she looked around, hoping to find Fu Qian in the crowd. When he passed by an art stall, he suddenly thought of Shang Liu Xin. He should give some comfort to this injured woman. When a person was hurt, especially a girl, it was easy to develop extreme feelings. At this time, a comfort might make her feel warmth and see hope. He chose a postcard with plum blossoms in the frost and snow. He was going to give this postcard to Shang Liu Xin. After thinking for a while, he chose a postcard with blue sky and white clouds to give to Fu Qian. What should he write on the card? This thought gave him a temporary sustenance, and the torment in his heart was also alleviated by how to conceive a gift.

Zheng Qinglan stared at the painting of plum blossoms in the snow. A plum branch was slanted across the white snow background. A lonely plum blossom was blooming on the branch. It was completely wrapped and squeezed by the ice. Under the pressure of this world of ice and snow, the only plum blossom seemed so weak. Was it fighting or giving up? Under the pressure of the cold, the plum blossoms were still beautiful, but they had become colder and more resolute. I believe you can survive this cold winter. Zheng Qinglan took a piece of paper and tried to write a few lines on it. She looked at it carefully and felt satisfied. Then, she wrote the words on the postcard for Shang Liu Xin. You have the beauty of plum blossoms, but you also have the strength of plum blossoms. The plum blossom stood proudly on the ice and snow, looking out at the beautiful spring. After he finished writing, he read it a few more times and couldn't help but sigh. His emotions fell into a deep valley, and tears welled up in his eyes.

After a long time, he picked up the blue sky and white clouds picture again, but he could not get over his emotions. He just looked at the picture in a daze, but he could not think of a word. After some time, she suddenly heard the sound of a bicycle parking. Then, there was a knock on the door. Fu Qian, it was Fu Qian. Zheng Qinglan jumped up, threw the postcard, and ran to open the door. It was indeed Fu Qian.

"Fu Qian, where have you been these two days? I've been looking for you. Come in and sit.”

Fu Qian hesitated for a moment before walking through the door.

"Where did you go yesterday? I waited at the entrance of your factory for half a night but didn't see you. I went to look for you this morning but you weren't there either.”

"I went to my sister's house. She asked someone to send a message to me, saying that she wanted me to go over for something.”

"What is it?"

"Um…it's nothing much. It's just that I haven't seen you for a long time, so he asked me to go over and play. Why did you bring the recorder back?”

"I don't need it there. There are too many things to do. Listening to songs will waste time. I'm afraid it won't be easy to report if I can't complete the mission. I also bought you a greeting card to wish you a happy New Year in advance. Just now, I was thinking of writing some blessings when you came.”

"Didn't you write something on that one?"

"That one is for someone else. It's not appropriate to give it to you.”

"Can I take a look?"

Zheng Qinglan handed it over. Fu Qian took it and asked,""This person is very close to you, right?”

"I just know her. She's encountered some difficulties. I feel that I need to give her some encouragement and comfort, so I wrote these words.”

"Who is it? Is it a man or a woman?"

"You've met her before."

"Can you tell me who it is?"

"Fu Qian, you don't have to know so much. It might not be good for you or her to know.”

"It looks like you know a lot. Why can you know and I can't? You're keeping it a secret for her.”

"Yes, it's a secret. I think it's a form of respect for others, especially for someone who's suffered a blow.”

"You're such a gentleman. Here, this is your bicycle key. You were gone for two weeks and I didn't ride it much. I just went to my sister's house to ride it yesterday. Return it to its original owner. Take it."

"You should ride it. I still have some time down there, so I won't be able to use it for the time being.”

"I don't need it either. It's not convenient to leave it at my place. Our place is a collective dormitory. There are many people. Not only do we have no place to put it, but there are also many people who borrow it. If it's broken, I have to compensate you.”As he spoke, he was about to pick up the recorder.

"Fu Qian, let's go eat first. I'll go shopping with you after dinner. Let's go shopping and have fun for the whole day. After dinner, come up and pick up the recorder.”

"No need. I've already eaten at my sister's place. You can eat by yourself. I still have something to do when I go back. I haven't washed the clothes I changed into. I have to go to work tomorrow, so I have to finish washing them today. You see, the weather is very good today. We can do it today. If it's not too late, we won't be able to do it.”

"I'll bathe with you. You bathe and I'll help you clean. The two of us will do it faster.”

"No need. There are too many people in the dormitory.”

"I'm not afraid of jokes."

"I already said that I don't need your help. Why are you being so wishy-washy?”Fu Qian suddenly felt a little angry.

"Then I'll pick you up tonight. Let's have dinner together, okay?”

"I want to rest early. I'm a little tired today and I have to work tomorrow.”

Zheng Qinglan took the blue sky and white clouds postcard and handed it to Fu Qian, saying,""You've already seen it. I'll give it to you now. Although I didn't write it, I'll say my blessings to you now. May you always be young and beautiful, and may our future days be as beautiful and clear as the blue sky and white clouds.”

Fu Qian took the postcard and said,"What's wrong with you today? You've never said these things before."”

"I know I wronged you last time, but I really did it for the sake of us getting along better and understanding each other better. Don't misunderstand. I'll use my actions to prove my sincerity.”

"Alright, I already know your sincerity. I'm leaving." After saying that, he hurriedly walked out of the house.

What was wrong with Fu Qian today? In the past, when she invited her to dinner and go shopping, not only did she never reject it, but she was also always overjoyed. Why was she making excuses today? He had an ominous feeling in his heart, but he immediately denied his thoughts. Last week, she was still travel-worn and went to the countryside to see him. It had only been a few days. How could she change so quickly? He walked out and wanted to look at Fu Qian again, even if it was just her back view. Watching her gradually disappear from his sight was torturous, but who could say that this was not a unique enjoyment between lovers? Suddenly, she saw a postcard lying on the ground. It was also a picture of the blue sky and white clouds. It was exactly the same as the one she had given to Fu Qian. Could it be that something had really happened? Could it be that someone else had lost it, or that she had accidentally lost it? He quickly picked up the postcard, put it in his pocket, and chased out of the courtyard, but Fu Qian was already nowhere to be seen. He chased for another few hundred meters and finally saw Fu Qian in the crowd. He rushed over and stopped Fu Qian. "Didn't I tell you not to come? Why are you here?" Fu Qian asked unhappily.”

"Fu Qian, return that postcard to me. I think it's better to write it down before giving it to you.”

Fu Qian stood there without moving.

It was clear that she had thrown it away on purpose. Zheng Qinglan took out the postcard from her pocket and said,""It's here. I picked it up from the ground just now. Why did you throw it away?”

"Forget it, I don't want to hide it from you anymore. I went to my sister's place for a blind date yesterday. My sister introduced me to a boyfriend. His father is the director of a factory, and he works in the unit. There's nothing written on it anyway. You can give it to someone else.”

Zheng Qinglan's head was hit hard by something and buzzed. After a long time, she said,""But you came all the way to the countryside to see me last week. Why did you change so quickly?”

"Yes, I wasn't planning to do that last week. There was nothing fast about change. If there was no chance, it would not change. If there was a chance, it would change. This was only a matter of an instant. It was only when I went to see you last time that I realized that the two of us were really not suitable. In the past, you deliberately kept a distance from me. I thought you were honest and honest, but that time, I was already like that, and you were indifferent. You were either cold-blooded or sick. Look at other people who are in love. Which one of them isn't sweet and affectionate? But I'm in love like a puppet. This person lived his entire life, and the grass and trees fell. What was his goal? Wasn't it to be happy? I won't say anything else, just this happiness, can you give it to me?”

"Fu Qian, I really like you. You're pure and kind. This is what I think. If you love someone, you have to be responsible for her. I don't want you to be hurt because of me and let others gossip about you. I will give you everything I have.”

"No matter what, you still don't even dare to be sure of yourself. You just leave the results to the future. Forget it. You love to read and have thoughts. I'm just a layman. We're not compatible at all.”

"There's no such thing as a match. As long as you sincerely think for each other, no matter how hard the days are, they will be very sweet.”

"This is your dream, but it might not be the life that others want. What's the use of saying this now? I've already accepted that boy's love money. My relationship with him is already set. I can't take someone else's love money and date you again. I can't do something like two-timing. Please respect me.”

"Yes, I will respect you. I did that to respect you. I think that's true respect for you. Is there no hope for us?"

Fu Qian didn't say anything. She lowered her head and looked at the ground. After a long while, Fu Qian said,"It's too late. I can't return it."”Then, he left Zheng Qinglan behind.

What else could he say? If he continued, he would be begging for mercy. His strong self-esteem made him give up on trying to salvage the relationship. He said softly,"I wish you well. You can leave."

The moment Fu Qian left, Zheng Qinglan didn't feel any pain. Instead, she felt relieved. This relief only lasted for a short while. When he sat down at the dormitory table, this relief was immediately replaced by a surge of loss and loneliness.

Why, why did she turn a blind eye to my sincerity? Was my persistence really wrong? Should I be like those people, living together after knowing each other for three days, then breaking up after realizing that it's not suitable, and then falling in love with another person's body and soul? Just like how a polluted land could not grow healthy food and beautiful flowers, how could such a body and soul have pure love? Would I feel at ease then? Is that the love life I want? No, this is definitely not the love I want. Could the wine that had just been brewed be drunk? Could the fruit still be picked if it was green? However, shallow people couldn't wait for the fragrance of the wine to assail their noses before they started drinking. Only when they drank did they know that it was bitter wine, and then they spat it out angrily. Before the fruit was ripe, he stuffed it into his mouth recklessly. In the end, it was sour and numb, and he could not open his mouth. Wine and fruits were not sentient. If they were destroyed, then so be it. However, humans had memories, feelings, and dignity. In such a marriage, one party would always be hurt, or both would be hurt. The most likely victim was of course the woman. This was determined by tradition and biological characteristics. There were also those despicable and shameless beasts who used the name of love to wantonly play with women and then mercilessly abandon them, not caring about the dignity and life and death of others. Shouldn't such behavior be punished by heaven? How could I do such a thing?

Let's go, let's go. You're still the original you, and I'm still the original me. We haven't even touched each other's hands. We're just like classmates, colleagues, and ordinary friends. Without deep contact, it's easy to forget. Just like a dragonfly touching the surface of water, it will immediately recover. Without guilt or regret, it would be easier to move forward.

You've clearly given up, and it's the most sincere and selfless sacrifice. You've been abandoned just like that. Do you have no feelings or complaints? Of course, I was resentful. I blamed her for being blind, for not being able to distinguish good from bad. She did not want the purest sincerity, but treated the vulgar and shallow pebbles as treasures. Perhaps we really weren't suitable for each other. Whether it was love or marriage, we had to be soulmates. What was the point of one party not feeling anything for the other? Forget it, I don't want to think about it anymore.

Zheng Qinglan went to the street and bought two servings of vegetables and a bottle of wine. She brought them back to the dormitory. She cried as she ate and drank. She was drunk. When he woke up the next morning, he found that the house was in a mess. The house was filled with a pungent smell of alcohol, and there was a lot of filth in the small basin in front of the bed. He shook his head and felt dizzy. His stomach churned, but nothing came out. All he vomited was acid. No, I have to clean it up quickly. It won't be good if others see it. He quickly opened the door and windows to get some fresh air, then flushed the vomit in the basin into the sewer. He wrapped the disposable tableware in paper and threw it into the trash can. Then he sat down and vaguely remembered what happened yesterday afternoon. He could not help but sigh. He went to the street and ordered a bowl of porridge from the breakfast shop. He slowly drank it and felt a little better. Then he staggered to the station.

This book is provided by FunNovel Novel Book | Fan Fiction Novel [Beautiful Free Novel Book]

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