I made it sound like it was involuntary, Tōko thought, but it probably wasn't; In order to make up for the one she had lost, in order to maintain her identity as a Regis citizen, she had changed herself. If this was true, then she was a fool. She needed companionship, not imitation, to fill the hole left by Xiang Qingxia, even if she didn't know it yet.
Toke let this matter go and continued. "But even if we assume that she's someone else, the fact is that she's still Shiki Ryoko, even if she can't feel the same way. Time would pass, and as time passed, the wounds on her soul would heal, and she would finally recognize this fact. Any other name for Rose and all the other music. See, the rose won't change just because you let it go.”It was on different soil, or watered in another way. Therefore, don't slit your wrists in the bathroom because of it.”She added quietly," Finally, a hole must be filled with something. To her, memory was not enough. She needed to create new memories and new experiences. She could create a new holy land for her soul.”Toke looked straight at the boy, making sure he didn't mistake who she was referring to. "It's your job to bring her there. You just have to do your own thing, connect and talk. This was what she needed the most after she was discharged from the hospital. It should be soon.”
She threw the cigarette she had been smoking furiously out of the window and stretched her back with her arms. Her bones cracked in satisfaction.
"I really shouldn't have bought a brand I didn't know about. It's a terrible kind of smoke,"she said to no one in particular. The boy didn't know whether her long sigh was because of her hatred of cigarettes or because of the difficulty of her job, so he decided that it was probably best not to ask.
/4
When my usual morning check-up was over, I glanced at the desk calendar beside my bed and realized that it was June 20th. This means that I can only stay here for seven days. I'll start counting when I get discharged tomorrow. As my body gradually recovered, they thought it was appropriate to finally let me relax. This includes the bandages on my eyes that will be removed tomorrow morning.
It was surprising how little you could gain in a week, and how much you could lose. Akioka and my parents might not have changed at all, but they felt like strangers. But I was the one who changed. Everything changed. I can only lie here and watch the situation develop. I gently wiped the bandage with my hand and opened my eyes. Although I lost everything, this is the only thing I got.
Death: Maybe it's a time and a place. But it was also a concept, invisible and formless. I experienced it, and now I can really see it. When I opened my eyes for the first time in two years, the first thing I noticed was not the nurse rushing to my side in astonishment. It was a line that cut across her throat. All I need is a mother to keep me from seeing anything else: There is a line on every person, on every wall, even in the air, all the lines pass through everything I can see. They were never static, always flowing and sliding in the cursed silence. And then I realized that these weren't just lines. They are the cracks of oblivion in the nothingness I am in. I was filled with an irrational fear that I had at the time, a fear that external darkness might pour into the world I had just returned to. The nurse spoke to me, but I couldn't hear the words. I could only see the lines and the things they were attached to, breaking and dying piece by piece.
It was this illusion that prompted me to try to destroy my eyes. My arm moved, half out of my own will and half out of instinctive fear. Every muscle was in excruciating pain. I was still very weak, which was why the doctor was able to stop me from crushing my eyes. Whether this was a good thing or not was not yet decided. They said that I had never seriously asked why I did it, that it was because my brain was still recovering, and that all kinds of unconscious impulses could have happened at that time.
But now my eyes are almost all right again, a fact I cannot deny. I'm willing to do anything to never see this world again. Whether it was the world I was in now or in my dreams, it was a place more disgusting and disgusting than any place I had ever seen. I still couldn't bear the thought of going back there, even though I had a nightmare afterwards.
However, these eyes that were associated with forgetting were enough to prove how real it was. I pointed at my eyes with my fingertip. They were now only inches apart. All I have to do now is stab quickly and cleanly, just like I always do when I practice my sword.
"Keep that in mind, friend. Didn't anyone ever tell you to think twice before you act? Aiya, that's not a good choice of words." A woman's voice came from the door. I turned my head to it. I didn't have time to remember who she was, but whoever she was, I could hear her voice coming closer. However, I did not seem to hear any accompanying footsteps. That person stopped by my bed.
"Death Perception's mysterious eye, huh? Destroying it is a huge waste, Xiang Qingxia. First of all, even if you destroy it, reality will still let you see what you should see. The curse will return." "Who exactly are you?" I asked. I heard her trying to stifle her laughter in the midst of my angry questioning, and a hoarse click like the flame of a lighter.
"A mage. The person you're most fond of. Those eyes were a tool, just like any other tool. You needed someone to teach you how to use them.”As she spoke, I slowly recognized her voice. There was a change in tone, but it was definitely the speech healer, in our daily lessons.
"How to use it?
"Damn right. It was better than not knowing anything and messing everything up, right? Your eyes can show death, mystical power, just like that of the Celts 'god Balor.”
What? Damn it, I have no idea what this woman is talking about. " Arcane Eyes usually only exist permanently by performing rituals on the eyes, but you, you've always had them since then, haven't you? Your little brush with death is the thing that awakens it. From what I've heard from a reliable source, this has always been your nature.”
I knew what she was talking about. My memory told me the same thing. Xiang Qingxia had always been a person who looked at the past and always looked at a person's personality, even though she had never really intended to do so. I couldn't begin to guess how she knew this, but she went on as though she knew me inside out.
"Xiang Qingxia is rolling around like this. I suggest you do more. You have to understand that everything has flaws and is a basic lie. Then, understand that everything is driven into entropies, dragged into chaos and collapse. You've been grinding the Dead World for so long that you can understand it. Your eyes can see these flaws like a microscope, seeing lines that others can't see. What you see is the death of a thing, its end. You can touch and shape it with your will. In fact, you're not much different from Old Baler now, are you? If you really want to put an extra finger hole in your eye, yes, then you can sell them to me, and I'll be happy to extract them from you for research.”
"Well, you said I'd see them even if I did, so I don't see why I'm handing them to me-"
"Then you still have to listen to people. And listen to this: Ordinary life? It wouldn't happen. Stop complaining. Your dream ends here. Wake up! Open your eyes and see my world, this secret world. You should have been here. The happiness of every day doesn't belong to you." There was a final confidence in her statement. It was a sudden and unexpected conclusion that my brain still refused to accept. "But…I don't even want to live anymore.”I tried to say. A weak answer, but this was all I could do.
"Oh, let me guess, because your soul is empty?”she said mockingly. "But you don't want to die. Do you know why? Because you've already seen a super kingdom that even third-rate Kabbalists can't imagine, you ungrateful little guy. Listen, I will break your survival crisis for you. You used to be inseparable, but now it's not true. Xiang Qingxia left. He roared. You're a different person, starting now. You say to yourself that you have no will to live, but you want to live. You say you have no reason to live, but you fear death. You're just a regular Neville Chamberlain, aren't you, sitting on that border. Why is your soul so empty, is it still a miracle?”
"How dare you talk about me as if you know me! When I finally found the strength to protest, I was cut off again, not by her, but by me... I saw her figure in the bandage... and the lines she spoke of. Death twirls my fingers.
"From your reaction, I guess you saw the lines again. You let your guard down too easily, that's why. The wandering ghosts in this hospital are happy to have you. If you don't clean up your shit soon, they'll have a comfortable new home in your body.”She must be talking about the white smoke. But I haven't seen it recently. "Oh, they'll get along with you. They are spirits, you know, a part of their soul is bound to this side, preventing them from passing on their legacy. They have no consciousness, at least not like us, but they are instinctive things, driven back to their bodies. There were many such people in this hospital. Practitioners of the spiritual arts usually do not allow themselves to be possessed when dealing with ghosts, but for someone as empty as you, this is as easy as stealing a car.”
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