Time: 2009-4-110:07:41 Words: 5117
Zhiyuan carefully opened the letter that Yanmei had written to him. It was very thick. Zhiyuan didn't know why Yanmei had written so much. The letter was given to him by his mother on the 27th of the twelfth lunar month. That day, his mother's face was filled with joy and celebration. It was a rare happy time. Zhiyuan knew that he and his brother had dragged the family down, so his mother could only see a gratified smile on her face during the holidays. At the age of taking responsibility for the family, the two of them had become the burden of the family. His mother said that the letter was given to him by Yan Mei. Yes, Yanmei wanted to give it to him personally, but Zhiyuan was unwilling to see her. Yanmei knew that he was at home and was afraid that it would affect Zhiyuan's mood during the New Year. She handed the letter to his mother and left in disappointment. Zhiyuan closed his eyes apologetically. His heart was blank. He had let down Yanmei's sincere concern. Although he did not know what Yanmei would say to him, the letter must contain Yanmei's anxious and concerned greetings and blame. To Zhiyuan, blame was also encouragement from Yanmei after she was disappointed in him. Zhiyuan slowly opened his eyes and saw familiar words:
" Hello, Brother Zhiyuan. I haven't seen you in a long time. I'm already a first-year high school student. I'll be facing a crossroads in my life in more than a year's time. My studies are also very tense. However, my quiet heart is often disturbed by your sudden appearance in the bottom of my heart. Now my academic performance is a little bad, a little like you in the past. I had deep concern and concern for you. I looked for you a few times and you weren't at home. I thought it was just a coincidence that you weren't at home, so I was deeply disappointed. Later, when auntie saw that I insisted on looking for you again and again, she told me the truth. It turned out that you were deliberately avoiding me. I was very sad. Years of friendship and kinship were ignored by you just like that. I won't blame you for everything, because you have your own reasons. "From the day you left the campus, I was filled with disappointment and worry for you. Our agreement was put on hold because of your withdrawal. In the days without your company, I felt the warmth and peace of mind when I had you. My concern for you accumulated because you were not around me. I endured the wind and rain, endured the helpless torture, and tried to adapt to the days without you by my side. I tried my best to calm my heart and life." However, every time you appeared in my heart, it was disrupted again. Perhaps I was used to learning with you as my companion. For a long time after you left, I thought that you were still in your original position. When I turned around and saw a face that I was not familiar with, I suddenly woke up. I can only pray for you in secret to calm my heart down and study with you, but the thought of meeting you still exists. I don't know why I want to see you. Maybe I need an excuse to release the depression in my heart and find someone to talk to. Maybe I have more things to say to you face to face.
I don't know how you are now. I hope you are as happy as before. You always encouraged and comforted me with a strong attitude. I learned to be strong under your encouragement. I don't want you to become weak because of the setbacks in life now. The encouragement you gave me before wouldn't be like the material exchange where you gave me courage but lost it. I think you didn't pretend to be strong and brave in front of me, right? Because I heard from auntie that you've been very depressed. Do you still remember that we once discussed the relationship between zodiac signs and personality? You said that you were born in the year of the horse, and your character should be as passionate and unrestrained as a horse. You should march forward courageously towards a wider space. There are more fertile land and lush grasslands in front of you. Only a real horse can reach the primitive grasslands. I hope you can use the spirit of a horse to encourage yourself. That is the faith and spiritual totem in your heart. "I don't know what you're doing now, but I really want to know your current situation. I don't mind your success or failure. I won't change my attitude towards you just because you and your family are in trouble. I'm still the same as before. I didn't change my principles for anyone else except you. After you left, I naturally became stronger. I hope that my strength will be helpful to you in the future. I'm also willing to do what you need." In the past, other than material things, you were the one who helped me. I still care about whether you still have joy when you're out of my sight. You and I used to play games happily together. Our sincere affection doesn't need any additional conditions. My studies are also very tense now. After you left, my studies were greatly affected. My English class fell behind by a lot. You know that my English class has always been a headache.
After you left, I often thought of you and the days we spent together. The memories of our childhood were beautiful, but reality was cruel. It was so hard to see a pair of good friends and partners. Of course, it was also because of your escape. I didn't write to you before because I didn't know how to say it. Now I know that I should face the reality and say it. I don't want to lose such a good partner and friend like you. I didn't say some things in my heart in detail. I hope you can slowly understand. Some words can be expressed in words, and some words need you to slowly savor the meaning and possible results in the future. My parents often mention you. They used to feel gratified because we were together, but now they are very sad and disappointed when they see you avoiding them. But they hope that you can cheer up. Since you have given up your studies and entered society, you should be a down-to-earth person. They say that you are still young and can be good or bad. No matter what you do, you must be a man. Your current attitude towards life has disappointed and worried many people. You've always wanted to achieve results. You're doing this just to prove yourself. Perhaps you're also trying to show off. In the end, haste makes waste. The setbacks in reality are beyond your imagination. With your education, what can you rely on to make a living in society? You don't have the qualifications to establish your position in society. Without ability, you won't have the same opportunities as others.
You may like what I say, but you may not like what I say. But I'm speaking from the bottom of my heart. I sincerely hope that you will have a good home. Right now, it's not a career yet. Having a stable job is the greatest gain. Many of your friends and classmates are very concerned about you and feel sorry for your fall. Don't be bothered to say that you've fallen. I don't know which word is more suitable to define your dropping out of school. Your classmates all say that you are very smart, but you don't use your intelligence in your studies. When you arrived at the county town, you first learned to play truant and play video games. You spent a week's living expenses early and couldn't bear to ask for money from your family. Do you understand why I'm only writing to you now? If you didn't experience a series of setbacks and difficulties, you should know that others had put in a lot of effort to dissuade you. I don't know if they were encouraging you or attacking you, but I'm also worried about your future. I'm also thinking hard about what is suitable for you and where is the job suitable for you? You know that if a factory in the county has good returns, there will definitely be countless people who use connections to wait in a long line for their turn. Neither your family nor our family has any decent and capable relatives. Even if you have the opportunity to spend money and give gifts, you don't dare to say that there will be a day when it will be your turn. Because in our small county town where the mountains are high and the emperor is far away, seeking personal gain for yourself is the greatest use of power. The fertile water does not leave the fields of outsiders. Opportunity is always left to those who are related to us. Everyone is eyeing the already few jobs. We really can't expect to have a job of our own in our hometown.
Going out to explore the outside world was the right choice and the only way out. There might be an equal opportunity to compete in the outside world. Fortunately, you are still young and have enough time to make up for your lack of academic qualifications. You don't know when the opportunity to choose you will appear or whether it will appear. "I hope you won't be so impulsive in the future. The consequences of being impulsive are huge and punitive. I know you've paid a lot of prices in all aspects. You've also understood a lot of principles, but you've never admitted defeat. If you admit defeat, you'll have to bear all the ridicule and accusations. I know you won't give in to everything that fate has forced on you. You've always been looking for opportunities to fight back against all the cold gazes of the secular world. I know what kind of character and what kind of person you are.""I hope you can get through the most difficult period of time. Being strong and brave doesn't mean that you will definitely succeed, but giving up is destined to lose the courage to face it. Therefore, you have to be prepared to bear all difficulties and results. You must work hard on a solid foundation. The road will be very long because you are waiting for an opportunity to appear. However, when the opportunity comes, you may not have the ability and conditions to grasp it. You have always been longing for a turning point in your destiny." However, I hope that you will persevere and give up. Don't compromise with the oppression of fate. The prerequisite for success is to have enough ability, luck, and perseverance.
I heard from Auntie that you're going to Zaocheng after the Spring Festival. Isn't your registered permanent residence there? That's better. You can find a decent job there. Isn't the job in the mine better? You can also have a chance to be a formal coal miner like your second uncle and my dad. You don't have a high educational background. The job that suits you is pathetically low. Although it's a bit hard to be a coal miner, you will have a decent life in the future. My father and uncle have discussed this matter. Originally, our family was prepared to move to Zaocheng, but because of my father's work injury, all plans have changed. My parents have to stay at home to take care of my grandparents. If I can't get into university, I'll become an angel in white. You know that my father is still suffering from the after-effects of the work injury. In short, you have to cherish every opportunity. It's not easy to jump out of the countryside. It's even more difficult for people like you who don't have a diploma. But I believe that fate will not punish you for your entire life, but for a part of your life. If you have the opportunity, you will definitely do well. Also, you don't have to worry too much about your family matters. I will visit Uncle and Auntie on the weekends. I can't help them with the crops in the fields, but I can do housework for them and bring them some things they need from the county. Do you still need money? If I see you, I'll give it to you personally. I've saved a lot of money myself. We'll share weal and woe together. I just don't know when I'll be able to see you. You're so close. Is it so difficult to see you? Is there something you can't face? 'When will you leave? If I don't start school, I hope I can send you off. Didn't you always send me off when I went to school? Why don't you see me off? Are you avoiding rejection or hiding something? Is there any estrangement between us? It must be because of your vile vanity. However, I won't force you to do what you don't like to do. Because I don't know whether you have changed in the past two years or how much you have changed. However, if your essence hasn't changed, I'm afraid that you'll have to go to school.' I believe that you are still the same as before. It is very difficult for a person who has failed to be recognized by others again. It requires a difficult and long process.
After you left school, I missed the time we spent together. Those days have been deeply imprinted in my mind. I believe it exists in your heart as well. As time goes by, it will gradually become stronger in my heart. I still remember our promise, to be friends forever, forever…
If you continue to choose to go out, you must inform your family in time that you are safe. Life in a foreign land lacks the care of others, so you must know how to take care of yourself. However, don't forget that there is someone who has been silently blessing you. I can't say exactly where my concern for you comes from in the bottom of my heart, but it is the same as the care and care for each other in the past. It is selfless, sincere, and without regrets. During my winter vacation, I didn't know if you were at home, so I didn't dare to look for you. I was afraid that you would give me a cold and unreal expression. I heard from my parents that you've seen you. You've grown taller and thinner. You've become less talkative. You're not as talkative as before. I want to know if it's the difficulties in life or the encounters at work that have tortured you. You shouldn't waste your life to torture your body like this. Your difficulties are also the pain in my heart. If this goes on, your will become negative and decadent. Many people can't withstand the blow of setbacks and break the jar. The consequences are very terrible and regrettable. You must pull yourself together, for your own future tomorrow, and for the lofty ideals we once talked about. At that time, you were a bright and handsome young man. You were the best. You would definitely be able to use the same method to live the same wonderful life in different environments. You would use your confidence and strength to find yourself from yesterday. I would look forward to the day when a brand new Zhiyuan would appear in front of me.
Do you still remember the past? Do you often think of the times when you were together? There were some warm memories that were about to be forgotten, but they were collected again. He always thought that the short pause could continue at any time. When the day of reunion became distant, when everything in the past was about to become an eternal memory, the past was finally brought up again. The past was a warm memory, but it was sour. I always imagined myself with tears in my eyes staring at the moon without the company of stars. The night sky was deep blue and far away. The scattered clouds added suspicion to the night sky. The stars hid behind the floating clouds and blinked their magical eyes mysteriously. The uncertain trajectory made my eyes follow the direction they wanted to escape. I was afraid that they would wander away from my fragile world and lose the direction I had been watching. I was left alone to bear the sadness every night. The moon accompanied me to listen to the wind sing, and the moon accompanied the wind to listen to the sadness in my heart.
Brother Zhiyuan, it has been a long time since I had the chance to address you in such a tone. I wonder if you will still feel the same when you see me addressing you in such a manner. Now, I can only call you Zhiyuan, who makes me worried and sad, on a piece of paper. However, you let me wait alone when you are panting. I hope my concern can make you feel some warmth, that my encouragement can give you the courage to overcome difficulties and defeat yourself, and that my blessing can bring you luck and unexpected gains. I hope your dreams come true. I hope you can write me a letter when you have time, okay? You've never written to me before. If I knew about your situation, at least I wouldn't have to worry so much about you. I hope that you will cherish my friendship with you. We are growing up and should have a new understanding of beautiful things and memories. I cherish our friendship very much. Although we can't meet each other, our friendship still continues. My distant concern is chasing you to the foreign land. Don't take my kindness to you as my own wishful thinking. I have always treated our friendship seriously. I hope that you will treat the promise that you once made the same way as I did,'continue, forever.' Do you understand my feelings at this moment? I hope you can understand. When we meet, I hope I can explain everything personally. As I grow older, I have another feeling.
Brother Zhiyuan, I don't know when you read the letter. If you read it before the Spring Festival, ask Xiaoyun to tell me when you're going to Zaocheng. If it's before our school starts, I'll send you off. I don't care about others pointing fingers at me. I have my own choice. Brother Zhiyuan, don't back down when you're in trouble. Remember that there are many people in the distance who are looking forward to you. I'm cheering for you. Be confident. You'll definitely get better tomorrow. That's all for today. Let's talk face to face when we have time.”
Wish: Happy Spring Festival, good luck, good health!
Sister: Beautiful
1994, December 23rd/Night
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