Time: 2009-4-111:49:27 Words: 1956
Sister Yanmei: Hello.
I'm sorry, are you okay now? I don't want all your worries to be caused by me, and I don't want you to be tired because of my existence. But I still hope that I am the only one who brings you harm. I have also been working hard to maintain the friendship between us, because I hope that in the future, I will be like a shadow in the past. I know that in reality, I don't have the ability to take responsibility. My tender shoulders are not broad enough. Now, I am small and can't shelter you from the wind and rain. However, under your influence and encouragement, I still have the courage to say my love for you. Forgive me for retreating when I face you. Forgive me for being cold to you. Your persistence has touched me. My attitude towards you is a blasphemy to your firm friendship. First of all, please forgive me. Speaking of forgiveness, he thought of the word 'request' for the first time. This was an involuntary feeling that came from the heart. Because I was touched, I shouldn't have let you share the pain that time had brought to me. The trauma that time had left in my heart, but I would use my actions to explain and thank you for all your selfless efforts. I would thank you for always caring for me, but I selfishly wasted your care. I can feel your sadness and disappointment. It makes you sad and makes me feel guilty because of the concern you can't let go. You've been worried about whether I can withstand the burden that fate has given me, afraid that I'll squander and fall because of it. I beg for your forgiveness again so that the pain in my heart can be lessened. I can't bear for you to bear all the pain that I should bear. It's my existence that disturbed your peace. I feel very gratified because of you in my life. Your appearance in my life made our childhood laugh more. I've always felt honored to have you in my heart. In my heart, you're the perfect messenger arranged by God for me. Your beauty and kindness moved me. You were always by my side, giving me the courage to persevere, but I let you down again and again. I don't care about your insistence or how I force myself, but I care about how others look at you.
"My escape and your persistence bear witness to our firm and selfless friendship. This friendship comes from the accumulation of our growth. From childhood to middle school, we have always encouraged each other. I can only give you spiritual support. Now, my family and I have nothing. We only have what I think is heroic and fantasy. Now, I am in a sorry state. I only have simple luggage and my parents 'sighs. Now, I tell you that I have fallen in love with you." I don't know if it's because I'm childish or because I'm drifting with the flow. I want to grab a pair of warm hands and give myself a chance to stand up. I can't fall down like this, and I won't squander it from now on. It's your concern and all the expectant eyes that tell me the reason to go on. Your concern for me is more than all the care I've given you. I want to give myself a chance to repay all my debts, to make up for the care you've given me, and to help my parents rebuild the hope that they've built with their blood and sweat.
I have nothing now, so I'm avoiding you. I don't want to disappoint you at the darkest time of my life and let you see me fall down in embarrassment. Perhaps you never asked me to have anything, but I can't give up my pursuit of the future. Every time I was about to give up, it was the desire to win that awakened my determination to chase my dreams. When I fell, I always used my hands to hold my heart that still had dreams. It allowed the body that could heal wounds to withstand the hardness of the gravel.
Sister Yanmei, I like you. I don't know if I'm in a hurry to say this to you, or if I misunderstood all the good things you care about me, but I'm saying what I want to say in my heart. I didn't think of the possibility of love between us after reading the letter. This is a thought I had since the second year of junior high school. Being with you is my yearning for you in my heart. It's also the reason why I turned our friendship into feelings. It's because I fell in love with you. The shared possession between them would also be maintained with a more suitable excuse. I only know that falling in love with you doesn't mean that you will love me, but I hope that you will think about it seriously and treat it. I always think that there is some reluctance between us. I don't deserve you. I don't want you to answer me. I have already taken out all my courage to say it. I am afraid that my love will hurt you, but I am more afraid of losing you. I will lose the opportunity to continue our friendship. It is the opportunity I gave myself. If love hurts you, I would rather return to pure friendship.
" Alright, Sister Yanmei, let's not talk about relationships anymore. It's too early for you to be too direct. This has already affected your studies. It's too unrealistic. I don't even know what it'll be like tomorrow. Will it be my dream or will I continue to wander around?" You must study hard. Don't let your future end just because I'm already in the world. I'm looking forward to you having a beautiful tomorrow. Your parents have always been proud of you. Don't they pin their hopes on you?
Sister Yanmei, you have to take good care of yourself. It's already hard enough to be busy studying. Don't be distracted because of me. I have to pay the price for my impulsiveness. I won't retreat and escape when faced with the punishment of fate because there's you in my heart that I miss even more. I've already paid a lot for tomorrow. I don't care about another difficulty and test. Don't give up your dream of going to university just because I might have to settle down in Zaocheng. Didn't you always want to win glory for your parents in this migrated village? Was he going to let everyone see that the Zheng family, which had no descendants, was not inferior to others? I will remember everything you have done for me. I hope that one day, my future will be filled with sunshine.
Yanmei, I don't know how long you'll have to wait for the day we meet again. I hope it's not far away.
I wish you good health and progress in your studies!
Brother: Zhiyuan
1996, January 19
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