The days passed, and Zou Xiangyang was still in a cold war with me. I ignored him, and he ignored me, hurting me in the name of love. I always looked at everything around me coldly. Perhaps my family environment had made me like this. Sometimes, I felt a little cold. I hurt him, right? But there's nothing I can do about it. It's as if there's a lock in his heart that's already locked. The keyhole has already been sewn, and it's also a dead knot.
'Yushan hasn't been looking for me these days. Did her grandfather scold her? Because it's the college entrance exam, her family doesn't want to give me any pressure.' " I still remember when my brother was in college. My grandpa, dad, and mom sent me to my second uncle's house and told me not to go home with Yushan. They were afraid that it would affect my brother. How could my outstanding brother disappoint them? He got into college, and it was a famous university. Grandpa was so happy that he invited guests for three days. My parents were even happier. I couldn't help it. I wasn't as outstanding as my brother, and I couldn't get into college. I couldn't even get into junior college because I didn't want to." I wanted to tell Grandpa that I wouldn't take the exam, but I didn't dare. Grandpa hoped that all the children in the family would be outstanding and let him shine among his old friends. I wanted to tell my parents, but I didn't dare to. There were a few times when the words were on the tip of my tongue, but I still took them back. It wasn't that I didn't want them to be disappointed, but they didn't give me a chance.
"Xiao He, how's your revision? If you have any questions, come to me or call me.”When I got home tonight, I saw my brother at home. It was really unprecedented. He went out to socialize with Dad every day. I basically hadn't seen him since Grandpa's birthday banquet because every time I got home, he was either at work or socializing. I felt that the distance between me and my brother was getting further and further. That elder brother who was nine years older than me had long been trained to the point where he was as pure as a furnace fire. He was calm and experienced. His face revealed a maturity that did not match his age. It was hard to figure out why Grandpa liked him. Because Grandpa said that he was like him when he was young. I looked at my brother and nodded. Forget it, I answered. Then, I quickly went upstairs and couldn't be bothered with them. Perhaps this was the reason why I always shut myself off. I always thought that no one at home understood me. In the past, I always thought that my brother would understand, but after my brother went to work, everything had changed. I don't understand. Where did that dashing brother go? Now, other than business and social gatherings, there's nothing else that can make his eyes shine. The brother who used to love me and always wanted to protect me had long been drowned in business.
Grandpa had said that his brother would definitely be stronger than them if he had some experience in the business world. In fact, his brother was really not bad. After graduating from university, he started as a low-level employee and studied hard. Within a few years, the company went public and expanded. His brother was able to do it with ease. Grandpa, Dad, and Mom were overjoyed. However, they might not know that her brother actually disliked doing business the most. He wanted to join the army because he said that only the army was what a man should do. A man should be trained in the army. If he didn't join the army, he would regret it for the rest of his life. However, he knew that his grandfather would not agree to it. If he joined the army, his grandfather would have a way to deal with the company. Unless he was not born in this family, he would have to listen to his grandfather in everything, including marriage. Therefore, he could only endure it. Sometimes, one could not help but marvel at his endurance. Sometimes, her heart ached for him. A young man who was not even thirty years old, but his mind was as old as an old man. In fact, he also had his own little secrets. His brother liked to collect military products since he was young. His room was a military museum. However, ever since he started his business, those things could no longer be seen in his room. They were collected by his brother. I remember his brother telling me once," Xiao He, it's not easy to have a hobby in one's life. You must do your best. Don't let yourself suffer for others and give up your hobby. Don't worry. What do you want?" I will satisfy you." At that time, I was indeed very touched. But now, looking at him like that, other than heartache, I also felt a little helpless.
Brother loves me, I know. He had given up all his hobbies and his happy marriage for the sake of his family. Although he was divorced now, no one could understand the pain that he had caused in his heart. Grandpa Mo Xu, Mom and Dad wanted the benefits from the marriage. Who could know the true love in his brother's heart? Who could understand? No one had ever truly cared about him. No one had ever asked him how he was. All they had was how much they had benefited from this marriage and how much money they had earned for the company. The marriage did bring good benefits and the company expanded a lot, but at the same time, it also brought endless quarrels. Every day when I returned home, I could hear my brother and sister-in-law quarreling. It made me not want to go home. When I got home, I would always lock myself in the house. Even when I ate, I would ask Sister Li to send me to my room. I was most afraid of seeing and hearing sister-in-law's hoarse cries every time they quarreled. Their parents didn't come home, so they would never see or hear them. I'm the only one who knows my brother. Every time he quarrels with Sister-in-law, he goes out to drink. He drinks until midnight and is sent back by the driver. Then, he sleeps in the guest room for the night. During the day, the two of them are like strangers. In the end, Sister-in-law couldn't take it anymore and went abroad, ending their painful two-year marriage. I sympathized with my brother, but I also sympathized with Sister-in-law. They were both victims of marriage. Two parallel lines were rigidly pulled together by others, but they forgot that parallel lines would always be parallel and would never cross one day. Even if they were forcefully pulled together, the pain of separation was something that no one else could understand. Let two broken hearts warm up two broken hearts, can you? Was it really possible?
In fact, my brother knew that I loved Shangguan Qiang. He knew since he was young, but he pretended not to know anything. I believe that Shangguan Qiang might have told my brother that the two of them would tell each other everything, but my brother knew very well that Shangguan Qiang and I had no future because our marriage was not something we could decide on our own. His marriage was the best example. He did not want Shangguan Qiang and I to be hurt. One was his closest sister, and the other was his brother who had gone through thick and thin with him. Although I'm born in the 1980s, marriage is decided by my parents. I don't even have the right to control it. True love can only be hidden in my heart, unless the person I like happens to have business dealings with my family, and I love him, and he loves me. This was impossible. The children of those uncles were all typical rich young masters. Other than eating, drinking, and playing, they would also flirt with girls. It was impossible for them to do business. These people are not my type, so it's destined that our marriage will definitely not be happy in this life. Can a marriage that we don't make the decision be happy? The answer was definitely no. The answer that we all know, yet we keep repeating it.
I hated the unfairness of fate. I hated myself for growing up in such a family. I hated my grandfather and my parents. Facing the man I loved, I couldn't even say " I love you ". What kind of pain was this? Everyone said that love was great and noble, but I couldn't feel it here. I felt a kind of oppression, a kind of painful oppression. This kind of pain could drown and swallow me at any time. He would let himself fall into the abyss of eternal damnation and be unable to extricate himself.
He thought of Zhang Ailing's words,"If feelings and time can be gently torn apart and thrown into the sea, then I am willing to be silent at the bottom of the sea from now on." Perhaps, at this moment, I can only maintain a helpless silence and wait in silence for the morning sun that belongs to me.
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