Xing Lan remembered very clearly the days when he did not see Jing Han. It had already been two days since they last met. In these two days, Xing Lan, who appeared calm on the surface, was filled with intense uneasiness and anxiety. Because he was always alone, Xing Lan was very confident in his self-control. In the few years that he was alone, he had practically been fighting against himself. But now, he had never doubted his self-control as much as he did now. Xing Lan thought of Jing Han and wanted to see her very much.
In the communication room, Peng Liang was sitting on a chair reading a book. Today was Peng Liang's day shift. Xing Lan, who was sitting on the sofa, was holding a paper cup. The paper cup had already turned into pieces, but Xing Lan's hand did not stop. There was already a thick layer of paper chips on the ground, showing the conflicted feelings in Xing Lan's heart.
A beautiful ringtone rang out. Xing Lan reached out and took out his phone. It was Gao Wei calling. Xing Lan was a little puzzled because Gao Wei usually had to go to work during the day.
"Hello,"
After pondering for a while, Xing Lan still picked up the call.
"Where is it?"
Gao Wei asked.
"I'm at the company. Why?"
Xing Lan asked calmly.
"What are you doing in the company today? Come out quickly.”
Gao Wei invited Xing Lan out.
"Why are you going out? It's so hot.”
Xing Lan stood up and looked at the blazing sun outside. He did not have much emotion.
"A friend of Jinghan's is here. He seems to be a brother and wants us to accompany him.”
Gao Wei explained.
Xing Lan immediately became stunned. He was thinking about whether he should go or not. Xing Lan had thought about many things in just a few seconds.
"You go ahead. I won't go. I still have something to do here.”
Xing Lan directly rejected Gao Wei's invitation.
"What's so urgent? Jinghan has been urging me several times.”
Gao Wei's tone carried a trace of doubt.
"You can go. I won't go. There's really something going on here.”
Xing Lan still insisted.
"Then how should I tell Jinghan?"
Gao Wei's tone carried a trace of distress.
"Seriously, just say that I have something on. Hurry up and go. She'll be anxious later.”
Xing Lan urged.
"Are you really not going?"
Gao Wei wanted to confirm.
"You're so troublesome. Hurry up and go. I should be busy.”
Xing Lan hung up the phone as he spoke.
"Who is it?"
After hanging up the phone, Peng Liang raised his head and asked.
"Oh, it's Gao Wei. Let's go eat.”
He walked out of his thoughts and explained.
"What's the matter? You're not even going to eat.”
Peng Liang looked at Xing Lan, his tone carrying a trace of doubt.
"My work has been stuck for the past few days. I have to hurry up and finish it.”
Xing Lan looked elsewhere and lied.
"En, this is serious business."
Peng Liang did not notice anything wrong with Xing Lan's tone.
"Alright, you watch. I'll go up.”
As Xing Lan spoke, he got up and went upstairs. Upstairs, Xing Lan sat on the bed, his expression was very dull. He did not know why he hated himself so much now. In life, he would not hate, even when he mentioned the woman he had waited for six years. When others asked him," You hate her very much, right?"”，Xing Lan only smiled bitterly and replied,"Should I hate her?"”，Xing Lan had indeed never hated anyone. Even if he was against an enemy, he wouldn't be overly hostile.
But now, he hated himself and hated his own weakness. If this was someone else, they would have fought hard for it as a matter of course. However, he could not do it. He could not convince himself. All he could do was to fight with himself and try his best to get rid of this state. Or rather, he tried his best to lie to himself and others that he did not love Jinghan. What Xing Lan did not know was that he was deceiving himself.
Perhaps he had managed to deceive others, but he still could not deceive himself. At night, at the restaurant that they often went to, the few of them still met. Jinghan still had a smile on her face, and Xing Lan silently observed her. Every smile and every action of Jinghan had unknowingly merged into the depths of Xing Lan's heart, merging into the part that Xing Lan wanted to forget but could not.
"Who are your friends today?"
Xing Lan, who was sitting at the dining table, asked jokingly as he stuffed a mouthful of rice into his mouth.
"My friend's lover has never been to Beijing before, so I took him out to play.”
Jing Han explained.
"Why is your friend's lover looking for you? I don't understand.”
Xing Lan spat out a fishbone and said in a puzzled tone.
"That's right. I don't quite understand either."
Gao Wei was eating the "Japanese tofu" he ordered. He had a lot of doubts.
"He's just on the way. We went to his house to play. He treats us very well.”
Jing Han explained.
"Hey, Xinglan, pour me a glass of water.”
Yuxuan, who was beside them, didn't pay attention to their conversation and just ate and drank.
"You have quite a lot of friends."
She poured a cup of water for Yuxuan and looked at Jinghan Xinglan, refusing to let him go.
"Aiya, this is your first time in Beijing. You can't let him wander around alone. I told you to go, but you didn't.”
Jing Han pretended to be angry.
After dinner, Xing Lan went straight back to the company. Every time she said that she would not meet him again, she would not be able to control herself. Every time they met, Xing Lan would blame herself, just like a child who had made a serious mistake behind her family's back.
At night, Xing Lan dreamed of Jing Han for the first time. He dreamed that Jing Han was waving at him with a pained expression on her face beside a cliff. Xing Lan's heart was filled with confusion as he slowly walked towards Jing Han. His feet loosened and Xing Lan subconsciously retracted his feet. When he raised his head again, the place where Jing Han was standing had collapsed. Jing Han, who had a pained expression, extended a hand towards Xing Lan and fell towards the bottom of the abyss. Xing Lan was shocked and instinctively jumped down. He could no longer see Jing Han, but he was falling rapidly.
The bottom of the valley was already very close. The sleeping Xing Lan suddenly opened his eyes. His body was already covered in cold sweat. When he woke up, he could hear the thumping of his heart. The dream was so real that Xing Lan who woke up still had lingering fear. Recalling the painful expression of Jing Han in the dream, Xing Lan who had recovered suddenly felt a suffocating pain.
Xing Lan was the only one in the room. Peng Liang was at work. Xing Lan looked at the phone beside his pillow. It was three in the morning. The street lights shone through the window onto Xing Lan's head. Xing Lan got up and hid in a dark corner. He hugged his knees and lit a cigarette. The room was very quiet. In the darkness, the cigarette butt flickered. Xing Lan's heart was also like a firework in the darkness.
Another two days passed quietly. Xing Lan did not plan to reject the feelings in his heart anymore. At night, he dialed Jing Han's number. Jing Han told Xing Lan that a friend would come to her house to stay for a night. Jing Han told Xing Lan that her colleague had quarreled with her lover. Xing Lan told Jing Han to wait for him. Xing Lan brought them out for dinner. Jing Han accepted Xing Lan's invitation.
It was almost 10 pm when the three of them met. At the restaurant that they frequented, Jinghan's colleague ordered a dish that Xing Lan had never seen before. Xing Lan named it a ladies 'dish because it was sweet. The girl wore a pair of large framed glasses. It was unknown whether it was because of local customs or because she had quarreled with her lover, but Xing Lan could feel that the girl's speech and behavior carried a hint of an elder's aura. Xing Lan could not say that he disliked this because Xing Lan did not dislike anyone. Moreover, Xing Lan could tell that Jing Han was having a pleasant conversation with her.
"How did you guys meet?"
The girl held the chopsticks in her mouth as she pointed at Xing Lan and then pointed at Jing Han. To this, Jing Han only lowered her head and smiled without answering.
"My comrade works in the company over there. The house he rented is opposite Jinghan. That's how we met.”
Xing Lan explained.
"What company?"
The girl continued to ask.
"It's not far from here. It's over there."
Jing Han pointed behind her with her chopsticks but didn't say anything.
The girl smiled and didn't say anything else.
After finishing the meal, the girl suggested to go back. Because she still had to work tomorrow, Xing Lan did not send them off. At the entrance of the restaurant, Xing Lan walked directly towards Gao Wei's residence. He still could not understand himself. Because when he saw Jing Han leave, he started to blame himself again. He was like a long-winded woman. Xing Lan did not like the current him.
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