To whom do I say I love you?
31 Afraid of mistakes, avoid banquets, listen to people’s words, blame Qinglan

Sha Fuping

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On Saturday night, Zheng Qinglan discussed with Shang Liuxin during dinner,""I want to go back tomorrow." "It's so far away, why are we going back?”"Now that the weather is getting warmer, the hen has started to lay eggs. You need nutrition when you're pregnant. I'll go back and bring some eggs.”"I knew that it was true that you wanted to go back and help your family, but it was fake that you wanted to go back and bring eggs.”"How can you say that? I'm the eldest son of the family. A lot of our food and drink are provided by the family. It's only natural for me to go home and help out.”"You don't have to be anxious with me. The child belongs to your Zheng family. If you treat me well, I'll stay at your house. If you treat me badly, I'll go far away.”"Why are you saying such sad things?”"Everything is fine. How is it good? What's the difference between these days and begging for rice? I just didn't starve to death.”"Aren't we all the same? We're still young, and our days will slowly get better.”"I'm not afraid of living a hard life. The days in the past were much harder than now, but I didn't feel bitter.”"Then what do you mean by saying all this?”"What do you mean? Don't you understand?”"I don't understand, I really don't understand.”"Tell me, when did your family treat me as a human?”"Do you have any basis for your words? It's only been a few months since we got married. You've only been at home for less than half a month.”"Half a month. I can feel it even for a second. The most hateful thing is your mother. She seems to despise me everywhere. The last time we came to the city, your grandmother asked us to bring more dried vegetables. Your mother didn't say anything. It seemed that she couldn't bear to. Did I gain weight after eating it? Did I give the food to someone else? She was just providing nutrition for her grandson.”"You're overthinking." "You'll know when you go back tomorrow. If your mother asks you to bring eggs, I'll write the word 'Shang' upside down.”"Why do you care so much? I just want to bring the eggs.”"How can that be the same thing? One was happily giving it to me, while the other was awkwardly asking for it. She was unwilling to give it to me, and I felt uncomfortable eating it. I didn't want to eat such cheap food.”"It's not like she's giving it to someone else. What's there to be reluctant about? Even if she's in the wrong, you can just blame her. Besides, my mom asked me to take good care of you before we left.”Shang Liu Xin took a breath and said,"It's not that I don't know what's good for me. Your grandmother is a sensible person. When she left, she asked me to bring her here and there. Go buy some snacks for your grandma tomorrow.”Zheng Qinglan felt relieved when she heard her sigh. She said,""That's more like it. Don't worry too much. They don't have any ill intentions towards you.”"I don't need you to say that. I know what's good for me.”

When Zheng Qinglan came back from home, she had brought a snakeskin bag full of things. There were cured meat, pork trotters, eggs, rice, mushrooms, some fresh vegetables, and charcoal for the stove. "Did you want these things or did your mother give them to you?”"Is this important? The key is that these things are all ours now. You can use them however you want.”"A man of lofty ideals does not drink water from a stolen spring, and a man of integrity does not accept food from others. To think that you're still a scholar." Zheng Qinglan was amused by her words and said,""I didn't expect you to have a few drops of ink in your stomach.”"What's so strange about that? I've read about it when I was studying.”"Not only did you remember it, but you also seem to be doing it according to this.”"What do you mean by 'seeming'? That's what I did.”"It's a pity that you used it in the wrong place. What he said was righteousness and integrity, but you used it to fight with your family.”"What big or small matters? It's not about getting along with people. You have to live a decent life and not let others look down on you.”"What you said sounds right, but it might not be appropriate in some places. For example, if you say how my mother treats you, there's a problem.”"You don't have to defend your mother. I'm not a fool. I naturally know how she treats me, including you.”"Alright, you're Lord Bao. You're observant and there's nothing I can hide from you. Is the rice cooked?" "The rice is already cooked and the vegetables are ready. I bought fish and was waiting for you to come back for dinner. You must be tired after riding so far and helping your parents at home. Take a shower after dinner and rest early.”"I'm fine. I'm not tired." "Are they doing well at home?" "It's all good. The seedlings have been planted, but it took a lot of effort. Last winter was dry, so there was no water in the weir pond. This spring, there was not much rain either. When the whole field was transplanted, there was no water. Later, the reservoir released water before the seedlings were transplanted.”How's the wheat harvest this year?" "It's not good. The winter drought and the spring drought didn't do much for the wheat. Dad and Mom are working hard at home. When I'm not at home, my sisters can only pick them up with knives from the fields to the handcart and then pull them to the field to pile them up. It's all Dad and Mom's business. There are more than ten acres of wheat, and some are still very far away. Just thinking about it makes me afraid.”"I'm definitely tired. My parents also have more than ten acres of land and no one to help them. I want to go back and take a look. It would be better if I can help them with something.”"Now that the seed harvesting has basically ended, you can go back and see them, but you probably won't be able to make it in time to help. Besides, you're already like this. Can they let you do it? They're the ones who have to serve you.”"Why would I need them to serve me? It's not like I can't move now. It's just like cooking at home.”"I don't oppose or support it." "Then I'll take a bus back tomorrow and stay at home for a week. You can pick me up on Sunday and we'll come back together after lunch.”"It's still so far after you get off the car alone. What are you going to do?”"Don't worry, there's still one or two months before I'm born. I'll walk back slowly and treat it as training. Don't you let me exercise often?" "Can't we go back in a week? Look at these things I brought. Many of them are for you.”"Eat it. My mom definitely has these things. You're going to cook for yourself this week. Can you do it?”"Why not? Don't worry, I don't know how to burn anything. It's definitely not a problem to turn the raw into mature ones.”"Then it's settled. After breakfast tomorrow, you'll send me to the taxi.”

After sending Shang Liu Xin to the car, Shang Liu Xin said,""Go to work. Don't forget to pick me up on Sunday morning.”Zheng Qinglan rode her bike on the road, feeling indescribably relaxed. In these few months, she had been with Shang Liu Xin every day, listening to her nagging and her shameless arguments. It had made Zheng Qinglan both physically and mentally exhausted. The two of them had very few opportunities to talk. However, this relaxation only lasted for half a day. When Zheng Qinglan got off work and went back to her room, she stood in front of the cold stove for five minutes before scooping some rice to cook. Then, she beat two eggs and put them in the rice cooker to stew. When the rice was ready, the eggs were cooked. With a few drops of sesame oil, it was a bowl of good egg soup. He cut a few slices of bacon and fried a plate of cucumbers. Two dishes were enough. Zheng Qinglan was lucky. When she was about to get off work in the afternoon, Zhang Changfeng said to her,"Brother, I'll treat you to a drink tonight. Don't leave. I'll call you when the time comes, and we'll leave together.”Zheng Qinglan knew that she didn't have to decline this matter. Zhang Changfeng would definitely not agree if she declined. Moreover, if she declined at this time, she would be making things difficult for herself. So, he readily agreed. However, he soon regretted it. The dinner at Luo Tianyin's house on the first day of work during the Spring Festival had made Zheng Qinglan feel humiliated for a long time. It turned out that when his colleagues gathered together to talk dirty, although he never interrupted, he was not very opposed to it. It was not a bad idea to listen from the side. Sometimes, when he heard something especially funny, he would laugh along with everyone. Ever since that night, he was no longer willing to participate in such " activities," especially when he heard dirty jokes. He would avoid them nervously.

Zheng Qinglan was no longer in the mood to work. She sat there thinking about countermeasures. He directly said that he didn't want to go without a suitable reason. He would let them go first, but he couldn't be a little late. Those dirty words would only officially appear when they were almost drunk, unless he had already left by then. It didn't matter how explicit they said it. The problem was that it was impossible for him to leave at that time. Which gathering and drinking session did he not fight to the end? Teacher Luo might also go, but if he wanted to say something, how could he interfere? At most, it would be a reminder, but what use would a reminder have? Who cares, so be it. Those words of others were not directed at me, so why should I care about those words? No, even if it wasn't directed at me, it still sounded uncomfortable. If she had known this would happen, she would have found a refreshing person back then. No matter what others said, it had nothing to do with her. Now, she was even on tenterhooks when she attended a friend's gathering. Sigh, why are you still thinking about this now? What's the use of thinking about it? This result is what you want. Not even half a person forced you. You can only blame yourself for not listening to the advice of your relatives and friends. Sigh, am I not letting my imagination run wild? Why should he think about those things? He should think about what was happening in front of him. Should he go or not? If he didn't go, he would have to leave now. If he left too late, his intention of deliberately hiding would be too obvious. It was better to directly say that he wasn't going. "But if I leave now, I have to ask for leave. Teacher Luo might also know that Zhang Changfeng invited me. What would Teacher Luo think of me? He would definitely pity me in his heart. Wouldn't I become a pitiful worm then? Yes, I am a pitiful worm. No, I'm not a pitiful worm. I have my own pursuits. I've never lived an ignoble life. I've always worked hard. I've done things that others are unwilling to do. I've endured pain that others can hardly bear. However, what was this? Who would think that what you did was heroic? I still look at you with contempt. After thinking so much, she still had no idea. Her mind was a mess. Zheng Qinglan put aside what she had just written and took out another piece of blank paper. She wrote a few words on it: Go, not go. Then, he wrote the word " reason " under " not going." After thinking for a while, he felt that there was no reasonable reason, so he wrote the word " none " under the reason. If he denied it, then he had to go. He wrote " awkward " under " go." Awkwardness like the last time was bound to happen. Those people would talk and tell stories without any scruples, which meant that heart-wrenching words would be mentioned again and again. Then he wouldn't go. He would rather offend someone than go. Zheng Qinglan sat there in a daze. When it was almost time to get off work, he walked to Luo Tianyin's office and said,""Teacher, Big Brother Changfeng is treating tonight.”"I know. He already told me that he's going to get off work soon. We'll go together.”"I can't go. I can't say no in front of him. Can you help me tell him later?”"Why not? You guys have always had a good relationship. It's a good thing for everyone to sit together and chat.”"I really don't want to go. I have other things to do.”"He's in the office next door. You should tell him yourself.”"If I tell him myself, he will definitely not agree.”Luo Tianyin glanced at Zheng Qinglan and shook her head gently.""Alright, I'll tell him when we get there.”"Thank you." After leaving Luo Tianyin's office, Zheng Qinglan quickly packed her things and left the cultural center.

Zheng Qinglan returned to her rented house in a daze. She sat on the stool, her head was in a mess, but her heart was aching. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there. It was already dark outside. Zheng Qinglan fumbled around and turned on the light. When the light shone on him, he felt dizzy, and his chest felt uncomfortable. He wanted to vomit. He sat down on the stool again and calmed down a little. He swallowed a few mouthfuls of the cold food at noon and sat there in a daze again. Feeling sleepy, he didn't even bother to wash up. He didn't even take off his clothes and crawled into bed. However, as soon as he touched the pillow, his mind was abnormally awake and he didn't feel sleepy at all. He sat up and flipped through a few pages of a book. He didn't know what he was reading, but he threw the book aside in frustration and punched the bed a few times. The wooden bed made a banging sound, which was particularly ear-piercing in the dark night. In the past, when Zheng Qinglan sat on the bed and read, Shang Liu Xin would always complain about him, saying that he pretended to read and intentionally ignored her. Zheng Qinglan tried to persuade her to read books, but she said that books were not as interesting as watching TV. Shang Liu Xin scolded Zheng Qinglan at the mention of television.""When I bought the dowry, my mother said that she wanted to give me a television as dowry. You said that your family had one, and it was a branded one. You only know that if your family wants to watch TV, I should just sit around day and night. It would be good if there was an interesting person to talk to me, but you like to put on a serious face and pretend to be there with a book. This life is so boring. I might as well live a comfortable life in the mine.”Zheng Qinglan wanted to comfort her, but when she heard her talk about the days in the mine, she remembered what Zheng Guangrong and the others had said."You really don't know shame. You dare to say anything.”However, he could only bury these words in his heart and was unwilling to say them out loud no matter what. Shang Liu Xin was very sensitive sometimes. Most of the time, she didn't seem to know shame. He had learned this lesson.

In the past month or two, Zheng Qinglan often went out for a walk after dinner. He explained to Shang Liu Xin that he wanted to observe and experience life to build a foundation for his future creations. In fact, this was only part of the reason. Another part of the reason was that he didn't want to listen to Shang Liu Xin's nagging about how sensible her parents were and how her mother didn't treat them as family. In the beginning, Zheng Qinglan tried to explain and argue with her, but later on, he realized that it was all in vain. Shang Liu Xin didn't listen to his explanation at all. She insisted that her mother was biased towards the girl and exploited her son. Zheng Qinglan knew that it was useless to argue, so she found an excuse to hide. Shang Liu Xin was already unhappy after a few days. She said that Zheng Qinglan was avoiding her on purpose. Zheng Qinglan told her what she had encountered outside. It could be said that she was using this as a witness and also to make Shang Liu Xin give up on that idea. However, Shang Liu Xin refused to listen. She even said,"Where have you been? It's not that I didn't tell you before we got married. Now, you treat me like a mute and can't speak for three days.”Zheng Qinglan also knew that it was wrong to treat Shang Liu Xin like this, but he hated Shang Liu Xin's unreasonableness and her arrogance. Shang Liu Xin felt extremely wronged. She wrote down these words on a piece of paper:

Mother:

Now that your words have come true, I'm so regretful!

Back then, Chen Sanfu promised me that as long as I aborted the child, he would come to see me every day, wash my clothes, and serve me. However, after I aborted the child, he only sent me home and never showed up again. When I shouted his name with a high fever, he still avoided me from afar. When you asked your younger brother to call him, he used the excuse of going out to work with the leader and still did not come. You knew that my fate was already decided. You held my hand and cried,""Miss, what are you going to do in the future? Which man will still care about you?”Mom, your words have come true. What should I do?

Being played with and then abandoned, such a painful experience must have caused a huge trauma to Shang Liu Xin. Now, she was using a self-harming method to show it to Zheng Qinglan. She definitely wanted to use this to call Zheng Qinglan back, or even beg for it. This method was extremely forceful and even tragic. In Zheng Qinglan's eyes, he could understand Shang Liu Xin's thoughts, but he was disgusted by her actions. A person could express their thoughts, but they had to use a suitable method, not like Shang Liu Xin who had no scruples. Facing Shang Liu Xin's actions, what else could Zheng Qinglan say? It wasn't like he didn't know about these things. Looking at them now was just like opening a scar in his heart again. Even though he sighed and hated her, and there were complicated feelings in his heart that he couldn't explain, Shang Liu Xin's pain wouldn't be any less than his. He let out a long sigh with tears in his eyes. He walked over and helped Shang Liu Xin wipe her tears. Shang Liu Xin softly leaned against him. The two of them couldn't say a word and remained silent for a long time.

The next day, when Zheng Qinglan entered the office, Zhang Changfeng followed her in and said,""Brother, we agreed. It's not nice of you not to go.”Zheng Qinglan forced a smile and said," I suddenly felt unwell. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to explain it to you in a few words, so I asked Director Luo to help me pass the message."”Zhang Changfeng said," Director Luo told me, but I really didn't believe it. How could it be such a coincidence? I thought you had something else to do. Now, looking at your yellow face and your spirit, it seems like you haven't had any water for ten days to half a month. I believed it. How is it? Have you seen a doctor?" "Yes, I have." "It's good that you've seen it. You're young and get better quickly. You don't have to worry. When you're better, I'll treat you again if there's a chance.”"Big Brother Zhang, there's no need. I already understand.”"That won't do. You must." " I'm afraid of noise now," Zheng Qinglan said weakly." I get dizzy when there are too many people. I won't entertain customers in the future."”As he spoke, he leaned on the table. Zhang Changfeng saw this and said,"Alright, we'll talk about it when you're better."”

For the next few days, Zheng Qinglan was frustrated and had no appetite. She couldn't sleep well at night either. She had to wake up several times a night. Every time she woke up, she had to toss and turn in bed for an hour before she could fall asleep again. Several colleagues had asked him if he was sick, but he could not say that he was sick or not. He could only say that he was not feeling well. Luo Tianyin might know what was on his mind, so she advised him,""Mental illness needs to be treated with medicine. You have to learn to control your emotions. Don't think about what you shouldn't think about. Even if you think about it more, it won't solve the actual problem. It will only cause more trouble for yourself.”Zheng Qinglan understood this logic. However, she was not a machine. She could just turn off the switch and everything would be over.

On Sunday morning, Zheng Qinglan had breakfast and walked to the bus station. There were more people than usual at the bus station. Zheng Qinglan stood in the queue to buy tickets. He was not in a hurry. In his subconscious mind, it didn't matter if he could get a ticket or not. He didn't want to pick up Shang Liuxin anyway. When it was his turn, there were still tickets. He took the tickets, found an empty seat, and sat there in a daze. Later, a commotion pulled him back from his chaotic state. The bus was about to leave. He followed the crowd and walked into the station. Suddenly, he remembered the time when he met Jin Zhu. He was shocked and thought as he walked, How was she now? Was she still as cheerful and lively as before? Is it appropriate for me to look for her now? What if she ignores me? It was better not to go. Even after he got into the car, the question still bothered him. He didn't even know that the car had started. Ah, isn't that Jin Ling's shop? How could he be so fast? The car stopped and Zheng Qinglan got out without hesitation. The sun was shining brightly outside. Zheng Qinglan was sweating profusely as soon as she got out of the car. He walked to the side of the road and looked up at Jin Ling's shop. There didn't seem to be anyone inside. He combed his hair a few times and wiped his face a few times. He suddenly felt much better. There was a lot of dust on his shoes. He took out his handkerchief and wiped them clean before walking into the shop. Perhaps it was because she was already married, but Zheng Qinglan was in a calmer mood today. She only hesitated for a few seconds before walking in.

As expected, there were no customers in the shop. Jin Ling was reading with her head lowered. Zheng Qinglan was overjoyed. She pinched her throat and said,""Boss, I want to buy something." Jin Ling didn't even raise her head." Take it yourself," she said." I'll settle the bill for you after you take it."”"I want to buy happiness." "I'm not happy." He felt that something was wrong. He looked up and laughed." Brother Qinglan, you're getting better at teasing people.”With a smile on her face, Zheng Qinglan felt that the flowers in front of her eyes were brilliant. "I'm testing if you're really that engrossed. What book are you reading? It's so thick.”" Boccaccio's Decamon "" Aren't you afraid of offending your customers by doing business like this?”"Business has been rather light these days." "Why?" "It's probably because people were busy farming a few days ago and spent all the money they should spend. They had to buy seeds and fertilizers, and they had to ask people to help with their living expenses, so business is a little weaker now. In the past, people who came to buy things were all cash.”"It should be. The consumption level in the countryside is still lower than in the city. Don't you plan to do business in the city? Just like your brother and sister-in-law." "No, I didn't even think about it. I think it's good to be here. We're all familiar with each other, and we have a good relationship. It's very easy to get along. We can also earn some money. We can also have free time to read and write at night. I'm afraid my brother and sister-in-law can't do these things. They have to do business during the day. Even if they don't do business, there are still people coming and going. They can't calm down at all. The night was also half a night, and there was almost no free time.”"Do you plan to stay in this countryside for the rest of your life?”"Let's take it one step at a time. We don't have to think too much now. You're the one who asked my brother and sister-in-law to persuade me to go to the city, right?”"No, no, they don't know that I'm here.”"Then why are you here? Didn't I tell you not to come last time?”"Shang Liu Xin went back to her mother's house on Monday and asked me to pick her up on Sunday. I wanted to see you, so I got off here.”"What's there to look at? I can eat, drink, and sleep soundly. My body is very good.”Zheng Qinglan could clearly feel that today's conversation was not as relaxed and pleasant as before. Jin Ling used to call her " Brother Qinglan ", but she was nowhere to be seen today. "I don't know either. I just wanted to take a look, so I couldn't help but come down.”Jin Ling couldn't help but laugh." So what if you want to see it? It's like it's something big. You can't help it."”Zheng Qinglan also smiled." I'm not lying to you. I wanted to come over to see you a few days ago, but I didn't have time. I thought it was a good opportunity to pass by here today."”"You…you two must be very happy.”Zheng Qinglan sighed and said,""It's alright. She's going to give birth in more than a month.”"You're going to be a father. Are you happy?”"Of course, children are angels. They will definitely bring endless fun. Oh, I was too busy talking. I have to go up and greet the uncles and aunties. Otherwise, it would be too rude.”Jin Ling quickly stopped him." Don't, don't, don't. It's fine if you talk to them. They'll nag me again at night."”"Nagging you for what?" "They told me to quickly find my in-laws, as if I was in their way. They wanted to quickly chase me out before they stopped.”" Have you told your parents about this?" Zheng Qinglan asked with a smile.”"Yeah, they're the first audience, and you're the second." Jin Ling smiled.”"I'm very honored to be your second audience. I'm afraid it'll be harder and harder to be your second audience in the future. If there's a suitable one, just decide on it.”"You don't have to worry about that. I know what I'm doing.”"There's no such thing as perfection in this world, including marriage. It'll be fine after a long time. This is called suffering first before sweetness.”"That's what you think. I've never thought like you. I want to be sweet from the beginning and sweet for a lifetime. I don't want to make do with it, and I don't want to sacrifice myself.”This sentence was not only to express his views on marriage, but also to evaluate Zheng Qinglan's marriage. Zheng Qinglan didn't want anyone to comment on her marriage, including Jin Ling. He looked at his watch and said,""It's getting late. I have to go. There's still nearly ten miles to go. I'll see you again when I have time.”Even though she felt that she had not had enough, and even though she was a little reluctant, she still turned around and walked out of the shop.

The weather in May was already very hot, and it was almost noon, so it became even hotter. Zheng Qinglan tried her best to walk in the shade, but she still felt hot. As he was walking, a motorcycle stopped beside him. It was Jin Ling. "You're regretting coming to see me now, aren't you?" Jin Ling said.”"I don't regret it. I'll come and see you again when I have time.”"Come on, get in the car. I'll send you there.”"How can there be no one in your shop?" "You don't have to worry." Zheng Qinglan sat on the motorcycle. Jin Ling started the motorcycle. The speed was very fast. Jin Ling's hair floated up and brushed against Zheng Qinglan's face. It was soft. The fragrance on her hair intoxicated Zheng Qinglan. He couldn't help but close his eyes. A brilliant sea of flowers appeared in front of him. "Where are we going?" Jin Ling's question interrupted Zheng Qinglan's thoughts. Zheng Qinglan saw that they had reached the fork in the road. After entering the fork in the road, they would reach it in another mile. Zheng Qinglan asked Jin Ling to stop. She got out of the car and said to her,""You can go back. It's not far. I'll walk there myself.”He went to a roadside shop and bought a carton of cigarettes and a bag of snacks. When he turned around, Jin Ling was still there. Not far away, a few people were looking over and talking non-stop. "Why aren't you leaving yet?" Zheng Qinglan asked Jin Ling.”"Be a good person to the end. I have to send you there.”"It's okay. It's just a short walk. I'll be there in a while.”"Let's go. The car is fast. We'll be there in a few minutes.”Those people were still looking at them. Zheng Qinglan quickly sat on it. When they were about to reach Shang Liuxin's house, the road wasn't easy to walk on. The ground was full of potholes, and the bushes and branches on the roadside almost reached the middle of the road. " Alright," Zheng Qinglan said." It's just up ahead. Come in with me and have a glass of water."”Jin Ling stopped the car and said," Get out of the car. I've sent you there. I should go back."”"Since we're already here, let's go in and have a glass of water before we leave.”"You can go in. I'm going back." He turned the car around and headed back.

Shang Liu Xin was waiting at the door. When she saw Zheng Qinglan, she couldn't help but ask,""Why did you come at this time? If you came earlier, you could have helped Dad and Mom out.”"There are a lot of people on Sunday, so it's not easy to buy tickets.”"You have so many reasons. Who are the people sitting on that bus? Even if he didn't do anything, it would be cooler on the road if he was early. Hey, I say, how did you get here? You walked so far, but you didn't even sweat a single drop. I feel so hot even sitting here, blowing on the fan.”"I happened to meet a motorbike rider. I know him, so he sent me here. I asked him to come in for a glass of water, but he said he had something to do and left.”"You're really lucky."

After lunch, the weather was the hottest of the day. Wu Xiuchi refused to let them go and said,"Liu Xin's body is already so heavy. Walking under the sun at this time is absolutely not good.”After laying out a mat for Zheng Qinglan to rest, Shang Liu Xin already had a place to rest. This sleep was really deep. Perhaps it was because he had drunk some wine in the afternoon, or perhaps it was because he felt more at ease after seeing Shang Liu Xin, but when he woke up, it was already past four in the afternoon. Zheng Qinglan got off the bed and saw Shang Liu Xin sitting next to him. She seemed to be waiting for him to wake up, so she said,"Why didn't you call me earlier? If you leave late, you won't be able to catch a ride.”"I saw that you were sleeping quite soundly. I guessed that you hadn't slept well these past few days, so I didn't wake you up.”"Where's Dad and Mom? Let them know and we'll leave.”"They have already gone to work in the fields. We just have to lock the door and put the key away.”"How about this? I'll ride Dad's bike to the side of the road first, then I'll ride the bike back home.”"Can I still ride a bicycle in this state?”"It's okay. I'll ride slowly." "It's already slow to ride, and we have to come back to put the bicycle. It's better for us to walk.”It was getting late, so Zheng Qinglan had to do as she said.

The two of them waited by the roadside for a long time, but no car came. Zheng Qinglan said," You can sit over there for a while. I'll hail a taxi here. I'll call you when the taxi comes. You can come over."”Shang Liu Xin agreed and walked towards a house by the roadside. Shang Liu Xin was born and raised here. Everyone in this area knew her, and she also knew others. When she walked to the door of the house, the person immediately moved a chair for her to sit down. Then, the two of them chatted there.

A cloud of dust rose in the distance, and then the outline of the bus appeared in their sight. Zheng Qinglan quickly called Shang Liu Xin,""Come here, the bus is coming!" Shang Liu Xin came over. Zheng Qinglan noticed that she didn't look too good. She reached out to help her but was pushed away. There weren't many people in the car. Zheng Qinglan saw that there were two empty seats next to each other, so she helped Shang Liu Xin over. Shang Liu Xin sat down on an empty single seat, so Zheng Qinglan had to sit on one of the two empty seats. After getting off the car, Shang Liu Xin ignored Zheng Qinglan.

"What are we eating tonight? How about this? The weather is so hot. I'll buy noodles and make them into cold noodles. It'll be cool and refreshing.”"I'm not hungry. You can eat whatever you like. Don't bother me.”"You were the one who asked me to pick you up today. You were unhappy when I picked you up. If I had known earlier, I would have not picked you up.”"Yeah, if I didn't come back, you'd be so free. You can do whatever you want and follow whoever you want.”"Tell me clearly, who exactly am I with?”"Don't you know what you're doing? Why are you still pretending to be crazy? But there are many eyes in the world. You're so unscrupulous in front of others and only hid it from me, right?”"What did I hide from you? What shameful things do I have to hide from you?”"You must push the bike into the wall, right? Fine, then explain. Who was the one who drove you to my house on a motorcycle today?”"I'm not going to tell you. It's a friend.”"Is it a woman or a man? How old is she?”"Is this important?" "What do you think? If it was an 80-year-old old man or woman, I would not ask you. Unfortunately, we do not have an 80-year-old man or woman who knows how to ride a motorcycle. There are no 70-year-old, 60-year-old, 50-year-old, 40-year-old, or 30-year-old people here. There are not many decent motorcycles in the village. Even if there are, they are all old motorcycles smuggled from outside. Tell me, who is that person?”"What did you hear?" "Now you know that I'm not blind or deaf. Don't try to lie to me. Tell me, who gave it to you?”Shang Liu Xin practically gritted her teeth as she said the last few words. "A friend, a woman, about the same age as us.”"Almost? I'm afraid you'll have to call her younger sister." "We just know each other. We only meet occasionally to talk about work. Today's meeting is completely accidental.”"Where did you get off?" He couldn't say this. If he did, Shang Liu Xin would definitely follow the clues and find him. At that time, the matter might get out of hand. The key was that there was nothing between him and Jin Ling. If Shang Liu Xin lost her mind and made a scene, Jin Ling would suffer a lot. "I just got off at the station." "When you get out of the car, your girlfriend, who is about the same age as you, is waiting for you in the car, right?”Shang Liu Xin teased. "Don't talk to me in such a strange tone. I've already told you that our relationship is very…pure.”He originally wanted to say that he was very innocent, afraid of angering Shang Liu Xin, so he changed it to "pure". "Pure, there are still a few pure ones. Since they are so pure, why don't you dare to say who she is? If you don't say it, do you think I don't know who she is? Let me tell you, I already know who she is.”"Calm down, okay? Since I chose to marry you, I have to be responsible for you. How can I have improper dealings with others?”"I don't care who you hang out with. What does it have to do with me if you kill her?”How could he say such words? He was simply shameless to the extreme. Zheng Qinglan couldn't help but shout the word " shameless " in anger. "Shameless?" Shang Liu Xin sneered. Who was the shameless one? I dare to tell others what I did, but do you dare to tell others what you did?”It was shameless to tell others everything about oneself. Zheng Qinglan wanted to say that, but she held it back. After a long while, Zheng Qinglan said,""Don't worry, I'll be responsible for myself, you, and others.”Shang Liu Xin didn't say anything. She started to sob. Zheng Qinglan's anger was like ice on a charcoal fire, disappearing without a trace. What am I doing? Why can't I talk things out properly? Why must I fight with her? I don't want to look at her at all. I just saw that she was pregnant, so I couldn't give in. It's not unforgivable for her to suspect me. Although it's wrong for her to insult Jin Ling, it wasn't in front of Jin Ling, and no one else was present. In the future, when she understands the truth, I believe it won't be like this. Thinking of this, Zheng Qinglan took a wet towel and handed it to Shang Liu Xin. Shang Liu Xin didn't take it and continued to sob. Zheng Qinglan wiped her tears and said gently,""Why are you crying? It's all my fault. I didn't explain it clearly to you and caused you to misunderstand. It's such a hot day. Even if you don't think about yourself, you should think about the child in your stomach. If you get angry, he must be very uncomfortable inside.”Shang Liu Xin stopped crying and said," You still have the face to say that? Why didn't you say these words earlier? You made me suffer for nothing and you yourself also felt bad.”"Yes, yes, I understand. In the future, if I encounter something that you don't understand, I'll be responsible for explaining it to you at the first moment. I won't let you suffer at all.”"I can't be bothered to believe your nonsense. You can choke someone to death with one sentence, but you can still change it.”"It's good that you know my temper. I don't like to say nice things. If you know, you won't be angry with me in the future, but I still have to change. Come, let me massage your back to calm you down. When you're calm, I'll make you some cold noodles.”Shang Liu Xin didn't say anything, which could be considered as a silent agreement. Zheng Qinglan started a fire to cook the noodles. Sometimes, he deliberately made the sound of the fire tongs and firewood louder, taking the opportunity to sigh softly. If he didn't know about Shang Liu Xin's past, if he didn't feel so humiliated, no matter how much Shang Liu Xin wronged him, he would still calmly explain to her, or even such a thing wouldn't have happened. Who could he blame? Who could he blame? He kept asking in his heart. "The water is boiling. Hurry up and cook the noodles.”Zheng Qinglan came back to her senses and hurriedly put the noodles into the pot. The boiling water splashed and scalded his hand. He was still sucking when Shang Liu Xin reminded him,"Slow down. Be careful not to burn yourself."

After sending Zheng Qinglan back to the store, Jin Ling was lost in thought. When her mother called her for dinner, she only responded vaguely. Then, her mother came to urge her again,"You should go eat. Have you gone silly from studying?”She went to the back and scooped some rice. She picked up some dishes and brought them to the restaurant in front. She ate as she pondered. From his tone and expression, he was not happy, but why was he in such a hurry to get married? He clearly knows that I have feelings for him, and I can feel that he has feelings for me, but why did he choose to marry someone else? Sigh, now that she's married, isn't it embarrassing for a girl like me to think about this here? What was there to be shy about? Wasn't it natural to pursue happiness? There's nothing wrong with pursuing happiness, but she's already married. Is there any point in me thinking about this? Could it be that he could interfere in other people's families? This was a great sin and a shameful thing. Can I allow myself to do this? Where are his parents? Where's brother and sister-in-law? They had originally liked him, which could be seen from their attitudes. Didn't Sister-in-law ask me when she came back for the New Year? From her words, she approved of him very much. Presumably, her brother was the same. The two of them had always been like-minded. My marriage should be as harmonious as theirs, but with more books and elegance than theirs. But where could he find this scholarly and elegant taste? No matter which matchmaker introduced them, they would either say that they were rich, that their parents were officials, or that their parents were handsome. They didn't know what I wanted at all, so they used those worldly things to move me. It was like feeding a piece of meat to a deer. It was useless. Who can give me books and elegance, only he. Yes, he did not have a prominent family background, nor did he have the wealth that everyone envied. His appearance could not be any more ordinary, but he was eager to learn. What was even more valuable was that he had a unique temperament. He didn't like to talk much. It wasn't that he was arrogant or looked down on others, nor was it that he didn't like to express himself. It was because he hadn't found a suitable person to communicate with. He didn't want to talk about those boring gossip and flattery. This was also a kind of character. Sigh, he's about to become a father, but I'm still thinking about these unrealistic things. What a fool. A strange thought popped up in her mind, but she denied it without hesitation. No, that was impossible. If you want to treat yourself as a god, others will treat you as a god. If you want to treat others as gods, others will also treat you as gods. He must never do something that belittled himself. Forget it, we're not fated to be together. Let's just treat them as best friends. Since it was destined, let's leave it to fate.

Ever since the last time she had a conflict with Shang Liu Xin, Zheng Qinglan had become extra careful. She tried her best not to provoke Shang Liu Xin. If Shang Liu Xin was not satisfied, he would immediately explain to her and then make a promise. Shang Liu Xin naturally had nothing to say. His colleagues didn't know that Zheng Qinglan was married. He had kept it a secret. She would tell her colleagues about it when the child was one month old. Or she would not tell them. Everything would take its course. If she knew, then she would know. Now that she had a child, she would not delve into the past and would not ask about it anymore.

This book is provided by FunNovel Novel Book | Fan Fiction Novel [Beautiful Free Novel Book]

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