I've been feeling pain ever since I could think.
I was born in the countryside, and when I was five years old, I witnessed a death with memories. Although I have long forgotten who died at that time, what I can never forget is the first logical question I asked my father.
Why did people have to die?
His father replied. If people didn't die, then wouldn't there be too many people in the world and they couldn't let go?
I didn't understand it then, but I knew it wasn't the answer I wanted.
In fact, this question extended to all living things.
Yes, why did people and all things die? How many living people had really thought about this question? not many
The more uncultured a person was, and the more he lowered his head to live, the more he would never think about it. Unless one day, he knew that he was about to die, he would either reflect or despair.
Because I have seen too many souls separated by life and death, so I want to write this tasteless but deep text.
The first thing I want to talk about is not a story about ghosts and gods, but about a prisoner on death row. At that time, I was determined to study the psychology of all kinds of people. I built relationships among acquaintances and went to the detention center to meet people. A was the first prisoner I saw on death row, and he had already been sentenced in the second trial.
Through a friend, I entered the detention center one morning. My friend specially instructed me to meet the prisoner's parents and brothers in order to let the prisoner reform properly. I only had half an hour, so I should try my best not to agitate the prisoner and so on. I nodded in agreement. Accompanied by the chirping of the birds on the tree outside, I entered the meeting room.
As soon as I entered, I saw A. He had short hair and was lean. He was tanned and had the simplicity of a Northwestern man. He smiled at me. I was a little stunned. Perhaps my heart was abrupt and full of questions.
I brought two boxes of cigarettes, one for myself and one for him. I heard that he smoked a lot. I handed the cigarette to A and sat down.
A didn't hesitate. He looked at the cigarette carefully and said,"I thought that only people from our side smoked this kind of cigarette. I didn't expect that people from Hebei also smoked.”
"Actually, I don't smoke much. I only smoke a couple of cigarettes when I'm nervous."”Actually, I said this to A.
A replied,"I smoke. I might die soon. It doesn't matter how much I smoke."”As he spoke, A twirled the cigarette box back and forth, showing that he had a big hand and bulging veins, revealing the pain of half his life. Of course, it could also be said that it was a lifetime.
"Do you regret it?" I lit a cigarette for him and lit one for myself. However, the policeman beside me reminded me that I could only smoke one. I nodded and quickly extinguished it, hanging it by my ear.
The cigarette floated between A's fingers." Do you know why I agreed to see you?”
I shook my head and said I didn't know.
"Because the discipline said that you're a Master Yin Yang and know everything.”
I nodded." Yes, everything has its own laws and disorder. I only know a little about it.”
"Then tell me, what can a person leave behind after they die?”
I replied," A person can leave behind a lifetime's worth of memories. As long as the memories exist, they will become the soul.”
"I don't understand. I'm just a boor. If I could have a soul, I would like to apologize to them after I shoot them. To be honest, I regret killing them.”
I nodded." Or rather, you have the chance.”
A nodded and took a deep puff. He didn't speak for about three minutes, so I refilled his cigarette.
A was sentenced because he killed his ex-wife and ex-wife's partner. Actually, as my friend in the detention center said, generally speaking, people who kill are mostly for two things. One is love, the other is money, or both.
It was too late for regrets. A suddenly turned his head to the window. The birds on the branches could still vaguely hear the chirping. A continued," Freedom is really precious. The outside world is too beautiful. All of this may be just a luxury for me.”
"Or maybe the Supreme Court won't approve it? I heard that there was a reason for your matter. You should have hope.”Actually, I only said this to comfort him. The probability of A being approved is certain.
"Sigh, I know the outcome. After all, it's two lives. One of them is the mother of my child. I won't run away if I die. However, the most I think about now is repentance and regret what I've done.”
I was silent again and didn't answer. A then asked me," Does the execution hurt?”
I seized the opportunity and began to comfort him." If you are approved of the death penalty, it may be more likely to be lethal injection because the Shaanxi Province High Court has fully approved the lethal injection.”
"Is it painful?" A's eyes were filled with excitement.
I replied," There shouldn't be any pain. It's a three-step process. The first step is to inject barbiturates, which is a drug that makes people sleep. People won't feel anything until they die and will pass away in their sleep. The second step is to use muscle relaxants, which mainly allows the subsequent drugs to reach the heart faster. This is to prepare for the third step, where the high concentration of potassium chlorideenters the heart and causes cardiac arrest. Once the heart stops, the result will be known.”
A heaved a sigh of relief and said,"That's great. Ever since the second trial, I haven't had a good night's sleep. Now that you've mentioned it, I might be able to have a good night's sleep."”
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