"Just scared?" I lit a cigarette and started smoking to ease some of my nervousness.
A first nodded, then shook his head. He was silent for a while." I'm afraid of death, I want to live, I regret everything I've done. It's normal to miss my parents, children, and friends. Look at me now." He pointed at his shackles." I'm shackled. Do you think I'll feel comfortable?"”
"Why do you have the thought of killing someone?”I continued smoking and took out a pen and paper to record.
A gestured for me to give him a cigarette. He smoked and said,"Hatred. Once this kind of hatred is triggered, it will expand infinitely. The more I think about it, the more uncomfortable it becomes. It's like a balloon filling my brain. When I can't stand it anymore, I want to kill them. I feel that women (A ex-wife) I'm sorry. That man was also a bad guy. He destroyed my family. The night before I killed them, I drank a lot of alcohol. The suppressed emotions immediately came out again. I took the knife and went. There was only anger and hatred in my mind. When I reached the place, I climbed over the wall and went in. They were still sleeping under the blanket. I killed the man first. After a few cuts, he stopped moving. When the woman woke up, the man died. I asked her if she regretted following me.”
I listened to his simple and clean description, and I couldn't help but sweat all over my back. How cruel or ignorant was this?
"But she's already divorced you, and the child is with her. Didn't you have no burden at all at that time? What was the point of asking this question?”
A heard what I said and saw that his expression was a little gloomy. He muttered," Brother, if I could think like this back then, I wouldn't be in shackles now.”He continued," After I asked her, I think that she was probably in a daze and kept crying or didn't listen to what I asked at all. My eyes were red from killing, and I stabbed her in the stomach until she stopped moving. I don't know how many times I stabbed her, but just like that, I used up all my strength and the feeling of depression was gone because I knew that everything I had was over. Two lives.”
"You never thought of running?" I asked.
A smiled and said," I did, but it's not the end of it. After all, I've committed a crime. Sooner or later, I'll have to come back and pay with my life. So I waited at his house until dawn, guarded the two bodies, and then called 110.”
"Aren't you afraid? Guard the corpse."
A continued to smoke." I'm not afraid. I'm not sure either. I feel very tired. It's the kind of tiredness that comes from finishing a big task and suddenly removing all the burdens. People are confused and feel empty in their heads. When the police came and I went to open the door, I still felt like I was dreaming. Killing people was like a dream.”
I knew that this was a typical reaction of the brain after killing someone. Some people reacted slowly and felt like they were dreaming. These people were usually simple and honest, and they had a personality that suppressed themselves for a long time in their daily lives. It was precisely because of this self-suppression that such things could happen.
"Since you regret it and acknowledge your mistake, it means that you have really changed. I think you have already accepted your judgment, right?”
A smiled and said," Even if you don't want to accept it, you have to face it. I'll still say the same thing. Two people died because of me, so I have to pay with my life. Do you think I won't be approved for the death penalty?”
I replied," I really don't know. After all, I'm not an expert in this area. But I think you should be able to figure out the result. You've said more than once that two people died, haven't you? There's something I want to tell you. I don't know if you can accept it.”
A said,"Tell me, I can accept it."”
"Have you ever thought about it? Your ex-wife gave birth to two children for you. Do you know that she was pregnant for ten months and then experienced the barrier of life and death from birth? A woman had to go through life and death when she gave birth. If she was not careful, she might die.”
A didn't answer me and remained silent.
I continued," Have you ever reflected on yourself? Why did she leave you and take two teenagers with her?”
A remained silent. I waited for him to say something. But what I waited for was the police reminding me that the time was up. There were also the tears in the corners of A's eyes, or my question. He already had the answer in his heart.
When the police came to bring him back to the detention center, he suddenly turned around and said to me," If there really is a soul like you said, I'm willing to apologize to them. If there really is a next life, I want to become a bird because they can fly, fly freely.”
I nodded and said,"Alright."
Then came the dull and loud sound of the shackles, knocking on my heart. Outside the window, I could hear the birds chirping on the branches.
Freedom was the most precious, and the outside world was the most beautiful, just like the world of birds.
"Later, I heard from my friend that A was approved by the Supreme Court to be executed in a few days. I don't know if he will hate me. Until he was executed, he thought that he would be injected. No matter what, I hope that he has finished his repentance and became one of those birds on the tree outside.
When he wrote these words, the birds on the pomegranate tree at home were chirping happily. Perhaps a certain bird was that A.
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